Topic: He doesn't want me on SI
Member # 34602
| Posted: 2:55 PM, March 7th (Friday), 2014|
I see your D Day was back in 2011 and you're still unhappy with him.
I'm sure it's because you read SI and not because he's a complete douche.
I just went to a Target that I usually don't go to so that I could hop onto the highway and go right to Costco. This Target is right next to a restaurant we went to with OW and her ex BBF. You can't see it from Target. This was maybe 3 months-ish (maybe less) before the A started. And there I was thinking how nice that we'd make a new couple friend. Gag. So I unfortunately took the wrong road and came up the other side of Target next to that restaurant. So yeah...I don't need SI to help me trigger. This is called real life. Real life that he ruined and soiled.
WH: 36 TimeToManUp
Married: 14 years, together 19 years
3 daughters: 12, 8, 5, and 2 angel babies (2013 and 2014)
Confronted him: 12/22/2011
This is the most difficult thing I've ever done.
Posts: 1840 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: New Jersey
Member # 28571
| Posted: 3:02 PM, March 7th (Friday), 2014|
I fucking love that youtube link.
Posts: 7849 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
Member # 34755
| Posted: 3:40 PM, March 7th (Friday), 2014|
Yet, he posts when it suits him. Ironic no?
BS - Me
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12
Former 80s Icon wishful thinking
Posts: 2031 | Registered: Feb 2012
Member # 21101
| Posted: 4:35 PM, March 7th (Friday), 2014|
I see a lot of your posts and often feel that he just doesn't get it. This proves it. If he gave a shit about your R and your healing he would be doing anything and everything to help tht along. He is still protecting and worried about himself and his hortcomings. What the fuck is he so afraid of? Why does he thi k he can call the shots with your emotions? I'm pissed or you. I'm pissed that he doesn't want you here, because you get bad ideas and trigger ( what e means to say is he is scared shitless that you are going to actually take some of the sage advice you get here and find your strength) I'm pissed that you couldn't share your loss of your fur baby because he thought it was stupid ( what he really meant was he was at a loss of how to Help you through your grief and didn't want to try to help you). Im pissed that he rarely posts but when he does it is more of a blatant attempt to play the good guy.
I find friends here and enjoy posting I don't trigger and am healed. But if my H said I don't like it, I would say to fucking bad. I didn't like your girlfriend but without her I would have never met all the awesome people here!
Kids: 18 & 20
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.
Posts: 13278 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Member # 10468
| Posted: 4:55 PM, March 7th (Friday), 2014|
"You don't want me on SI, WH? Well I didn't want your penis in OW, either"
" You don't want me on SI? Well I'm going to need about 12 hours of good, soul searching communication about your A's, EACH WEEK. With no attitude, while showing remorse and with complete honesty. Think you want to try that?"
"Isn't it interesting that your choices brought me more pain than I've ever felt and yet now you want to dictate how I receive help for it"
"Why don't you like SI? Is it because I've learned how to live with the hell you brought into my life? Would you rather I crumble on the ground and beg you not to cheat?"
Ddays 2004 & 2007
I cut my losses mid 2013
Feeling happier every day :)
Posts: 6736 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Florida
Member # 39134
| Posted: 4:55 PM, March 7th (Friday), 2014|
[This message edited by mainlyinpain at 11:44 PM, March 7th (Friday)]
Posts: 602 | Registered: Apr 2013
Member # 42294
| Posted: 5:08 PM, March 7th (Friday), 2014|
Oddly, I get it even though im a bs...my fws doesnt mind me being on here. I know that it does make him uncomfortable. All the advice here is not good advice. Just because one person situation turned out one way, doesnt mean yours will. I dont really come here for much relationship advice. I come here for support, to rant, to let the shit out!! He should be happy that I pour out frustrations and feelings on here instead of blasting him about it all day. (Not saying he doesnt deserve it) And any ideas you may get from here, you can get from watching tv for 30 mins. Its all what you make it.
Posts: 272 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Where theres lots of southern HOEspitality
Member # 37091
| Posted: 5:20 PM, March 7th (Friday), 2014|
I have to admit TCD I look for your posts. Your story breaks my heart and every time I see TTMU post I hope this is the time it'll stick. My xSO detested SI. XSO thought it was a load of shit, I'd ask him to come on and post told him about BM thread and a as told he doesn't need a bunch of people who didn't know him telling him what to think. You do what you need to not what he thinks you should do.
Posts: 3615 | Registered: Oct 2012
Member # 34262
| Posted: 8:31 PM, March 7th (Friday), 2014|
TimeToManUp needs to man up,
Seriously, do what helps you. There have been times I can't look at JFO. I never go to reconciliation because 1/2 of it seems to be BSs putting up with BS.
However I enjoy F&G. I like learning and giving advice in off topic. I like to read NB (I lurk reading great OLD stories) and lurk in the Betrayed Menz section (they crack me up and are so insightful).
And if fWS doesn't like it (and she doesn't much but knows better that to say anything about it) I don't fucking care.
It's called GROUP THERAPY. And now we can do it virtually at anytime. How cool is that!
Me: BS 48
Her: FWS 51 (both family med MDs; together 21 years)
OW: who cares (PhD)
Dday: 10/11: 11/11 TT for months; NC 8/12
"band aids don't fix bullet holes" Taylor Swift
I NEVER mind medical ???
Posts: 3006 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Here
Member # 34823
| Posted: 8:32 PM, March 7th (Friday), 2014|
Boy does this topic bring back memories for me.
(as you might recall, my (now)stbx was a member here for a short span of time)
My (now)stbx said that the majority of the people here are angry and bitter. The only ones who he didn't take exception to were the ones who *agreed* with him that I seemed like an angry person. And I can't tell you how many times the whole *it takes 2 to R* adage was twisted into *his* double-standarded version -- the one where *I* was supposed to do *my* part....and we were just supposed to *nevermind* that HE wasn't doing his.
He also wanted to know why I thought taking advice from SI'ers was a good idea since most of them were getting divorced.
The bottom line here is to do what works for YOU. He is welcome to his opinion about it, but just because he has one doesn't mean that he needs to share it with you.
(p.s. ..... it's nice to *see* you again C6. )
"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott
In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.
Posts: 9188 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Member # 38377
| Posted: 2:15 PM, March 8th (Saturday), 2014|
One of my last responses to you was that I thought he was isolating you, because that's what abusive people do. I mentioned the fact that he didn't want you to get a job. He wants you relying and depending on him, and no one else. Maybe if he can take everyone else in your life away, he can make it where you don't even know what a healthy relationship looks like anymore. IT'S ISOLATING ABUSE TCD!! Now you can't even have your anonymous friends online?!?!? When the hell does he step back and follow your lead for what you need to heal?? Why is it all about what HE needs YOU to do??
I think I said this too in my last response to you: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME???
Am I bitter and angry? Sure. Do I project my own situation onto others sometimes? I'm sure I do. But that's part of what it is all about. For people not to feel alone. To commiserate. For them to see that other people have been there too, and you will survive, and thrive, and life will get better.
But I'll agree with TTMU on one thing. I don't like you posting in General. I want you down in D/S, like yesterday, like last year. I don't even normally come here to General, but I found this post because I, too, search for you. Do I have a bitterness and anger towards all cheaters? Absolutely not. I've seen success stories, including my own brother. Do I have bitterness and anger when I see an unremorseful wayward using, abusing, and manipulating a betrayed spouse? HELL YES I DO.
But at some point, I don't care about TTMU anymore. I don't care what he says or does. It's what you are doing that I worry about ChinaDoll. That guy is so toxic, and I wish you would run already. This post was just more proof that he does NOT want to help you heal, and he wants to isolate you from people who will emotionally support you and help you see the truth about his actions and motives.
Two DS~ 9 and 13
Posts: 3120 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: USA
Member # 32587
| Posted: 10:09 AM, March 13th (Thursday), 2014|
fuck him and the horse he rode in on....
sounds like a control freak
DS....before you punch me.....ill put the duct tape back on.....
Posts: 785 | Registered: Jun 2011
Member # 30826
| Posted: 10:13 AM, March 13th (Thursday), 2014|
This makes me sad. And it fucking pisses me off.
I told you several months ago that I showed a post of TTMU to my FWH...and he seemed to get it..really,really get it. The transformation was amazing.
Guess what? Like TTMU he is back to rugsweeping and wanting me off SI.
Say it with me, TCD...
HELL NO! WE WON'T GO!
You have the right to heal. You have the right to feel safe. This is YOUR place,TCD. Don't let him take this from you too.
Fuck them both.
[This message edited by confused615 at 10:13 AM, March 13th (Thursday)]
M: June 2001
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
Posts: 15220 | Registered: Jan 2011
Member # 41294
| Posted: 11:02 AM, March 13th (Thursday), 2014|
STBXWW saw the site on DDay+1. She saw it once, hated it, said the same thing. She doesn't know I made an ID here. Since I was having her read "Not Just Friends" mostly just concentrated on that instead.
Last I talked to her (D is ongoing) she said I should switch therapists (the therapist who does my IC also did her IC and our MC). She's not going to a therapist for anything - claims she can't afford it (but she could find a way if she wanted to, as she went to a girls trip a couple weekends ago). I didn't say anything, but my thought was precisely that - she's trying to isolate me from experienced people who can give me support.
It's funny they get upset that we get together with other like-minded people to talk about this situation, but their relationship with the AP's (now as 'friends'' because "they're so much alike" is somehow sacrosanct.
Bottom line, we keep and choose our confidents, they keep and choose theirs. And at the end of our lives we'll account for how we did. After all, you're only here because of your WS's "lifestyle choice".
Master of my Fate, Captain of my Soul.
XBH and healing. D final March 2016
Her: Doesn't matter anymore.
DS13 Severe SN. DD11 Awesome
Posts: 1012 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: California
Member # 30989
| Posted: 7:47 PM, March 13th (Thursday), 2014|
Trac-Fone hates SI, too. He always has, which was evident in the few posts he made here before flouncing off in a fit of pique.
Thing is, I'm healing. He's not.
Of course, sending him on his remorseless merry way helped that healing along tremendously, for me.
There does come a time when one is wise to assess whether one's WH can or will ever form remorse and demonstrate empathy. I don't think you've seen either. (((TCD)))
[This message edited by solus sto at 8:41 AM, March 15th (Saturday)]
BS-me, 55; WX-irrelevant
Divorced after an eternity
"So much for the past and present. The future is called 'perhaps,' which is the only possible thing to call the future. And the important thing is not to let that scare you." Tenn
Posts: 15287 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
Member # 36697
| Posted: 8:55 PM, March 13th (Thursday), 2014|
It sounds like he's almost pushed you to the point of action again. I imagine he'll be on here in a few weeks feigning just enough remorse to reel you back in so he can keep holding on to the status quo. He seems to be a master Hooverer.
Posts: 2969 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
|Topic Posts: 36|