I toldhim last night we(me and kids) were gone all weekend into the city because friends are visiting. He asked where I was staying, and I said I don't know. He asked how are you going to find it. I said I'll look it up in my email. I honestly thought it was one place and when I checked it was another place. I don't want him to know where I am.
He proceeded to tell me that he won't feel so guilty working all weekend at his office in the city. Just now I get an email asking me if I might have the energy to go out to dinner after son's game tonight with or without kids or bring something home. I replied with a simple "why?"
No, I don't want to hang out and wait for him and go eat with him. No I don't want to be stuck out in this burb tonight. I have a hotel roomin the city and was planning on taking the kids out to dinner and skipping the game(which I never allow) because I need some freaking space. My life is run by the kids' schedule, and this was my opportunity to get away from him for the weekend.
So, why do I feel guilty trying to tell him no and leaving him all alone?
Together 17 years
Two great kids.
He doesn't get it. Moving us to his hometown with his toxic mother is going to
Im on the train into the city with two cited kids and a cocktail for myself. The H doesn't allow me to drink. Freedom for 36 hours.
Man, THAT one crawls up my sleeve BAD.
Just you saying it speaks volumes about the marriage, doesn't it?
Have a GREAT time!
My IC gave me a *new* way to look at this because I, like you, was squeamish about it. An incident occurred where I had a deadline for a paper I was writing and I still had about 4 big paragraphs to write....and 45 minutes to do it. WH and I were living separately with pretty much the same rules that you have in place with your H -- "I'll let you know if I want to do something with you." So anyway......he sent me a text and asked if he could stop by the house to talk to me for a minute. I told him "no, I'm busy." Then I got the "are you REALLY busy or do you just not want to see me?" Told him I was busy. 5 minutes later....DingDong. I opened the door and talked to him. This type of scenario was happening on a regular basis -- he'd ask to come and see me, I'd say no, he'd just show up, and I'd *let him in*.
After recounting this to my IC, she told me to ignore the fact that he wore the *husband* label. She said "if this same situation occurred with one of your good friends -- where you told that friend that you were busy, but she just showed up anyway -- wouldn't you be pretty pissed off about that?" Wearing the husband label doesn't *trump* the fact that you are busy or already have something planned, kwim?
Expecting your H to respect your boundaries is not a *bad* thing, Sleepy, and nothing to feel guilty about.
Enjoy the weekend with your kids
In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.
Have fun this weekend!!!
Grief, loss and pain taunt her - "you will never be the same." Like a Phoenix rising from the ashes, she rises and spreads her new wings as she brushes off the ashes an