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He thinks this isn't wrong?!!!

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TrulySad posted 3/7/2014 16:25 PM

WBF is an inspector. A vehicle he failed a while ago, came back in today to be reinspected (reinspect is free). By law, they have a certain allowed time to get this repaired, and can't go over a certain amount of mileage. If they do, they need a completely new inspection, and need to pay for it.

He's always told me about how people come in for a reinspect, over the mileage, and they have to make them start over with a new inspection and pay the full amount. If customers get upset, they show them where it states this on their copy.

So today, he has a woman in there with a sob story about how she's racked up $400 in fines for expires plates, and then fails his reinspect because she's over the allowed mileage by 1000 miles. He passes her!!!!

Ummmmmmm, he can lose his inspectors license for this. Not only that, he did some supposed unknown female a HUGE favor. Why???? He can't say this was work. His work was to fail her! Instead he used his power to pass her and help her out.

I should mention I was meeting him for lunch. As I'm getting closer to his work, he's got me on the phone asking EXACTLY where I'm at. When I get there, he's still on the phone with me, standing away from the building. He gets in, and starts telling me about this story. Then points to a car behind us, saying that was her. All the while acting as though he's pissed at having to deal with her.

All this is sending off red flags for me. The only thing that cancels the red flags, is that he didn't have to tell me. Am I missing something, or just hyper paranoid right now???

Help!!!! I feel like my world is nothing but a mess right now, with his shit...and I just want to give up and cry....

[This message edited by TrulySad at 4:28 PM, March 7th (Friday)]

hardtimesinlife posted 3/7/2014 16:58 PM

I would be Pissed!

I used to get the "where are you exactly" phone calls, too. Triggered every time. It smells funny to me.

BtraydWife posted 3/7/2014 17:57 PM

Honey-lose this dork. Stop talking to him, stop calling him. Find someone else. He is all kinds of shady.

After you break up with him, call and turn him in for passing that car. If he gets upset show him in the papers where it says what the consequences will be for doing that.

I'm having a hard time understanding why you continue with him. It's never going to get better.

Have you been in IC?

[This message edited by BtraydWife at 5:59 PM, March 7th (Friday)]

Sadmumma posted 3/7/2014 18:13 PM

hmmm he did a strange woman a huge "favour"

setting the groundwork for 'payback'

BtraydWife posted 3/7/2014 19:56 PM

I'm not convinced she's a stranger to him.

[This message edited by BtraydWife at 7:56 PM, March 7th (Friday)]

Ostrich80 posted 3/7/2014 20:38 PM

I know when my ws starts babbling too much information that I haven't asked for, or was even aware of.....he's on the verge of being shady..after he's done the deed, he never mentions it again. This whole story would have me uneasy. Not saying he's done anything but this woman sparked his interest IMO

[This message edited by Ostrich80 at 8:40 PM, March 7th (Friday)]

TrulySad posted 3/7/2014 20:46 PM

Thank you for making me feel not so crazy. I hate who I've become in all of this. This isn't me, and I miss my old self. The one who was comfortable and safe with life.

Btraydwife, I know I should find an IC, but my finances won't allow it at the moment. I'm at a loss at times why I'm still in this mess. From the outside looking in, I'd think I was a complete and utter fool. Being in it.....I also think I'm a complete and utter fool....yet to be honest, I'm so emotionally drained, some days it's all I can do to do just the minimum. I told him this last night, and he said he could see I was probably only staying in this because I can't deal with ending it yet. He said he wasn't giving up until he was out on the street.

And then he goes and does this 16 hours later.

[This message edited by TrulySad at 8:56 PM, March 7th (Friday)]

TrulySad posted 3/7/2014 20:49 PM

Ostrich, that's exactly it! He's always given himself away when he gives me "some" information. So with this....his being open isn't exactly comforting. Is almost like I got to lunch a little too quick and he wasn't prepared....and just started talking.

sinsof thefather posted 3/8/2014 03:06 AM

Yes. It seems to me too that what he was, was flustered when you arrived. She was still there...and you pulled up. He was playing KISA to her without a doubt - would it have gone further if he didn't have you arriving any minute? Or will it in future when she comes back next year? Who knows - apart from him?

I think the best scenario is that you arriving made him 'see' what he was doing and that he was slipping back into old patterns with dumsels in distress that led to affairs before and he felt guilty enough to tell you about it - thereby easing his own conscience so he could say he was 'still' being honest and downplay it all to himself.

Or he was frightened enough about nearly being caught again that he was flustered into telling you about it.

It could be either. He excused this woman when he wouldn't have excused others - and he does know that. He risked both his job and his relationship with you in doing it - and he does know that too. If he is saying now that it wasn't 'wrong' as your thread title suggests then he is lying about that imo, because it was him knowing that it was wrong that made him flustered enough to tell you about it in the first place. He either felt guilty enough after you arrived to tell you about it(this is possible) or he was so flustered at nearly being caught that he told you about it. Only he knows what one it was.

If it was that he did realise what he was doing and told you to ease his own conscience, then I'm not sure that makes him totally a lost cause - but it most definitely does make him someone who still has work to do on his issues and who is still lying to himself as well as to you if he thinks he doesn't.

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