SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Ok this is going into the realm of TMI. I watch Porn on occasion. I use an incognito tab to do so but if someone asked me if I did I would tell them the truth. I have others who use my comp and look at my phone and would rather they not see the last time I looked. I go on find one that works and close it down. I dont always need it and my use of it has definitely increased since x SO and I broke up. Sometimes I go awhile without it then I realize im sexually frustrated and go watch it or masturbate. Yes I know TMI.

So here's the thing, ever since reading here especially on the porn threads I have started to feel guilty for even thinking of watching it and then when I do or even if I dont and just masturbate it makes me feel icky. I do not want to feel guilty for having a sexual appetite, but I do. I am going to try to stop watching porn starting today. Maybe it'll make me feel better about myself sexually, maybe I am over thinking it.

I think it sucks that was ruined for you. Do what you have to do to be comfortable in your own skin.

You shouldn't feel guilty for having a sex drive.

But maybe if you learned the truth about the porn industry, you might not find it so arousing after all.

There does seem to be an influx of porn posts lately. Personally, I don't see the big deal (obviously barring extreme circumstances which a lot of the posts seem to be about). But as long as it's not an obsession, or interfering with other parts of your life, I don't understand the hang up. It doesn't sound like its a problem for you so I think you should relax and enjoy it. Or maybe there is some kind of underlying problem since you seem to be concerned about it?

No underlying problems. I watch porn, I dont fantasize about myself doing what I see, its an erotic stimuli. I think alot has to do with the fact that these posters have made some sense about sexual intimacy part of it. I am trying to get to my healthy and exploring every nuance along the way. NG I think my learning about some of what goes on in the industry lends to it.

I'm sorry that you have been made to feel guilty.

I believe that modest use of porn for your own pleasure when you have no prior history of abuse or addiction I se absolutely nothing wrong with it.

We as humans have normal needs and desires. Masturbation is normal and healthy. Porn and porn like art has existed since the beginning of time practically.

Don't stop embracing your sexuality and enjoy who you are.

I'm sorry that you have been made to feel guilty.

I believe that modest use of porn for your own pleasure when you have no prior history of abuse or addiction I se absolutely nothing wrong with it.

I agree!

I understand reading about the problems people are having in their relationships because of porn can make it less attractive and more skeevy.

What alarms me is that you are feeling guilty for masturbating without using porn. I hope you are able to work through these feelings. A person with a healthy sex life shouldn't feel guilty about it.

Try not to feel guilty. Porn is arousing and arousing can be fun! Yes, even alone.

But only if you're ok with yourself.

Like I would tell you not to listen to anyone who would persuade *toward* porn that made you uncomfortable, I would encourage you to listen to yourself.

Like you & NG point out though, a lot of porn exploits women and young people who are ill-equipped to be making these potentially life-altering choices. I recommend you specifically seek porn created by reputable directors. They're out there. Nina Hartley is an old-school feminist porn advocate I remember and is at least one name to start with.

And now for the platitude portion of our show:

If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Don't borrow other people's problems.

Trust your gut. (Need I go on? :-)

Youre all making a lot of sense...I need some time to think an explore.

I've always felt like it was a great tool....I certainly spent a lot of time as a girl living at home searching out the secret stashes my parents and brothers had! And then when we got the internet....well. I don't feel it has impacted my ability to be intimate at all and don't think there is any need to be guilty.

If you worry about the exploitation in the industry or the way sex/gender roles are portrayed on camera, I recommend looking around for some written erotica as a substitute. That does the trick as well and since you're visualizing everything yourself maybe you would feel less conflicted?

Obviously don't keep using it if you have qualms or it is making you feel bad but personally....I just don't find any of the porn threads relevant and I don't even read them, it's just not something I feel conflicted about.

We are all different but there is certainly no need to apologize to anyone for your needs and your own particular sex drive, however it manifests itself. (Well...obviously I exclude wayward thinking/behavior from that. But for someone with proper boundaries I believe it is true).

You need not look far into my posts and see my stance on porn......consensual, hidden, therapist recommended, or a mixture.....all have destructive components of varying degrees.

Still standing and Tush nurse ( 2 of my fav SI members) make a strong case the other way. Keep in mind that my wife was deeply hurt by my use of porn, I was too. It was not hidden from her and we used it together . We did not tell each other each time when we used it solo, i used it far more than her . We still had sex 2-4 times a week for most of our marriage. So by many in society we would have been "ok". We are just now starting to see how "not ok" porn was on our marriage.

Since it is a personal decision....and I changed my choice now....how about this helpful tool.

Stop for 6 weeks and see how you feel.

If no change .... You only lost 6 weeks of activity .

If a change is noted....see if you like the change and then choose again.

We always have choices.

Are you currently sexually active with your spouse?

Peace .

[This message edited by blakesteele at 5:20 AM, March 8th (Saturday)]