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T/j dating again

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suckstobeme posted 3/7/2014 19:55 PM

The post asking about when the desire to date again will crop up had me thinking and I wanted to tell a little story about one good reason why you shouldn't date and jump into something before you're ready.

I have a good friend who has been D for years, not due to infidelity. Since the D she's had a few relationships, the last one ending about two years ago. She's been wanting to meet someone so we convinced her to try OLD.

She meets a guy. He seemed nice enough, but she told me that he had only been S for 4 months and his D was not final. He told her his stbxww had an A. I tried my best to warn her and to convince her to ask the uncomfortable questions about why he felt he was ready, what he was looking for, how he thought he was healed, etc. she either didn't ask or he had a good enough answer for every question.

She stuck around and he love bombed her for a few weeks. Things got very intense very fast. He started talking to her about "we" and "us" and convinced her to fly across the country with him for a vacation. Now, I get that she didn't slow it down and we've talked about why she thought the love bombing was in any way healthy, but he was definitely the aggressor.

All of a sudden, she gets the sense that he's pulling back. After ignoring her requests to talk, he finally sends her a text that he got in too deep too quickly and isn't ready for a relationship.

He's broken right now. He's no where near healed and, in the quest to just have life go ack to normal, he hurt an innocent, lovely person who was genuinely ready for a relationship. Luckily, it didn't last too long and he didn't continue to use her because it was easy. But, at the same time, this was her first OLD experience, she really did like him, and she feels sad and rejected now.

My point in all of this is that no matter when you think you're ready, remember to be honest with yourself, go slow, and try your best not to use another innocent person to make yourself feel better.

suckstobeme posted 3/7/2014 19:58 PM

Oh no!! I meant to post this in NB. Can a mod please help?

metamorphisis posted 3/7/2014 20:31 PM

Moving to NB.

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