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Newest Member: Saad (61538)

User Topic: What makes a good friend?
♀ 36126
Member # 36126
Default  Posted: 9:34 PM, March 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It use to be that I knew what that meant- but as we grow as adults there is a fine line between helping and sounding like the individual is not doing something correctly.

What makes the difference? Trust or the length of the relationship?

Is a good friend someone who sacrifices their friendship for the sake of someone's health by telling the person they are not getting better and suggest alternatives or is a good friend someone who sits and watches the person continue to struggle trying the same thing for years?

I am grateful for my friends but as adults which is a better friend?

Posts: 1563 | Registered: Jul 2012
Sad in AZ
♀ 24239
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 9:38 PM, March 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I guess it depends on what you need and are willing to hear.

I've never had a problem telling it like it is to friends, but I don't push them to take my advice. I love them as they are and wish them the best always.

My estimation of a good friend is that your best friends don't judge you.

You are important and you matter. Your feelings matter. Your voice matters. Your story matters. Your life matters. Always.

Me: FBS (no longer betrayed nor a spouse)-62
Him: WXH-62
D-day: 2007 (two years before finding SI)
S: 6/2010; D: 3/2011

Posts: 25302 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Arizona
♀ 32810
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 9:42 PM, March 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would say that a good friend is someone who is able to intuit what their friend needs from them in that moment, and does what they are able to provide it.

There are appropriate and inappropriate times for both options you listed, and I think both can happily exist in the same friendship. Sympathy and solutions aren't diametrically opposed to one another.

When someone is down and struggling, throwing solutions at them can feel like kicking them when they're already down. That's when you need to bolster them emotionally, encouraging them. When they are feeling stronger or more aware of the problem from a more removed perspective, likely not in a moment of pain, they will be more open to gentle suggestions and solutions - but even then, remember that it's a discussion and ultimately not your decision.

"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 14447 | Registered: Jul 2011
♀ 36126
Member # 36126
Default  Posted: 10:44 PM, March 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you- I will give it time.

I always find myself in the same spot 2 years, 3 years, and 8 years.

I am there and thanks for reminding me what a true friend would do.

Posts: 1563 | Registered: Jul 2012
Topic Posts: 4

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