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tired of the nightmares

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rachelc posted 3/8/2014 06:06 AM

they always come in two's. One last night and the night before. One that he went to a party without me and met someone. Last night's was excrutiating as it was about OW1 being at the same hotel as us and then he wanted to put her phone number back in his phone. And I dreamt my best friend went and sat by her on the bleachers as we were watching a game.

Their kids actually go to the same Catholic school and they probably run into each other. He held me the first night but I didn't want him to touch me this morning, although I told him about it.

PinkJeepLady posted 3/8/2014 06:19 AM

They are tiring!!!! Wouldn't it be wonderful to sleep for 8 hours with no nightmares! Drives me crazy too, I remember them so vividly and usually tell fwh. I understand the not wanting him to touch you, sometimes I feel they are his fault.

I happen to be sitting here in the living room by myself in the early morning with the lights on trying to ward off any nightmares, it's like I can feel them coming now. I truly hope you will have a calm, peaceful day and maybe be able to take a nice power nap with zero dreams/nightmares!
Take care

olwen posted 3/8/2014 06:25 AM

It's so hard isn't it!

They do tend to come in patterns, for me it's about 3x a week. At first they were horrific, then they went away for a while but as we entered A season the end of last month they have started again.

They seriously suck.

Sometimes I let fwh hold me, other times I think don't you dare touch me!

I saw one of those 'funny' cartoons on face book and it makes me sick every time I see it.

Man and woman in bed, he is snoring, she wakes up and wakes him up, he says what's wrong and she lays into him, 'you cheated in my dream!' He lays there looking shocked and baffled, like 'but I didn't do anything!

Not so funny when it really happened

I struggle with that as I was always scared of him cheating even though he gave me no reason to worry back then and I would get so upset by the dreams - at the time he was totally faithful and we were happily married but I was very insecure.

I remember the first one after dday. It hit me like a sledge hammer that I could no longer say oh it's ok it was a dream, it didn't really happen . . . because now it was my reality.

It was an awful feeling.

[This message edited by olwen at 6:27 AM, March 8th (Saturday)]

william posted 3/8/2014 06:34 AM

it was my wife that cheated. with lots of people, in lots of different ways, and over an extended period of time. i had TT over a 7 month period with it all (i think) finally coming out around mid january of this year.
ive gone through
- sleeping well at night only to be awaken by nightmarish mind movies of what she did and dark dreams that she is still doing it or will again in the future.
- laying awake most of the night thinking about it all.
- and a combination of laying awake and then getting nightmares when i do sleep.

im lucky to get 3 hours of sleep a night. the lack of sleep is starting to take a real toll on my mind and body.

i read on another thread that it eventually fades and real sleep starts to come again.
i cant wait for that day to come although it sounds pretty F'ed up to say that i cant wait for my mind to finally accept the fact that my wife cheated on me repeatedly.

[This message edited by william at 6:34 AM, March 8th (Saturday)]

AML04 posted 3/8/2014 11:29 AM

I'm finally starting to sleep better but the nightmares are hard. I had one the other night that was so vivid and horrible. The kind that sticks with you all day even though you know it was just a dream. I went downstairs and just cried. I'm hoping they fade too.

yoshi7268 posted 3/9/2014 02:40 AM

I'm 30 months out or so and still have nightmares.
Sadly, Mr. Yoshis second affair brought back the nightmares from his first affair. yay me.

A few times I would wake up from those nightmares to Mr. Yoshi holding me and whispering " It's okay, I'm here with you, I love you so much. "
That helps so much!

Now I try really hard to push past and not let Mr. Yoshi know. Not because I think he won't support me, because I know he would, and he does, but because I'm feeling stronger and can mostly get through on my own. Not always, but most of the time.

They hurt. They used to bring me to my knees.

Time has helped. I still have them occasionally but they are fewer and further between.

Saying a prayer for you rachelc for those horrible dreams to stop.

I just hope they aren't a forever thing. For all of us.

KatyDo posted 3/9/2014 07:39 AM

I get the nightmares too. On another sad note, sometimes I wish this whole experience was just a bad dream I could wake up from :(.

rachelc posted 3/9/2014 09:30 AM

Hubby has them too. Thing is, our dreams are pretty much uncontrollable. While we can direct our daytime thoughts elsewhere, we can't with dreams.
And they'd be with us divorced or together I'm thinking.

LosferWords posted 3/9/2014 15:05 PM

Mine have gotten better. I've only had about 8 to 10 of them within the last year. I used to have a few nightmares a week. I'm hoping they continue to space out even further, but I doubt if they will ever permanently go away.

Hugs and strength to all of you struggling with this.

StillGoing posted 3/9/2014 15:53 PM

Have you looked into lucid dreaming?

rachelc posted 3/9/2014 17:10 PM

I haven't... what should I know about it..?

Lola88 posted 3/9/2014 20:19 PM

14 weeks since d-day and nightmares are getting harder to ignore.

I woke him up two nights ago screaming "fuck off" and "leave me alone" - he was more frightened than I was once I was awake, but I felt so scared.

Is it worth it?

peoplepleaser posted 3/9/2014 20:38 PM

I was told a long time ago that our dreams are ways for our mind to practice our emotions and test out situations we fear in our conscious state. It's an interesting perspective and it helps me to navigate or cope with them. I'll know when I feel secure again because they will stop. I fear how long that will take.

rachelc posted 3/9/2014 20:54 PM

was told a long time ago that our dreams are ways for our mind to practice our emotions and test out situations we fear in our conscious state

This. I'm afraid I'll be betrayed by my friend if she interacts with OW1. Another betrayal. This town is too small... she knows who she is but says she's never met her. I'm practicing what I'll do if it happens..

It appears loyalty is really important to me.

[This message edited by rachelc at 8:55 PM, March 9th (Sunday)]

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