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sawh vs. our children

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momoffive posted 3/8/2014 07:01 AM

I was trying to have a calm, adult-like conversation last night with SAWH (who is still the same SAWH that he has always been) about a bad trigger I had the other day when SAWH says, "Do you treat our children like you do me? Do you always want to talk about things they do wrong like you do me?"

I responded, "My children have not betrayed me like my husband has done."

SAWH comes back snarkily and says, "So my sin is worse than when they do something wrong?"

I ended the conversation by saying we can finish it at MC... I was not going to get pulled in anymore than what I already had in his attempts to turn a calm conversation into a drag out fight.

Why in the world would he compare his many repeated betrayals to... our children not putting their wash away or forgetting to take the trash out???

Seriously???

We started MC about a month ago with someone who deals with infidelity. He pulls no punches, has called SAWH out on several things and has made me feel validated in how SAWH's many affairs and other betrayals have impacted me. I believe this will be a noteworthy dialougue to share and see if MC can help us through this.

JessicaFL127 posted 3/8/2014 07:11 AM

[This message edited by JessicaFL127 at 7:26 AM, March 8th (Saturday)]

brokendancer7 posted 3/8/2014 07:12 AM

WTF?! Did the aliens suck out you H's brain? How, in any way, can kids doing the things all kids do be compared in the slightest way to cruel, selfish, sneaky, destructive behavior by an adult who took vows, and who should know better?

You did great, keeping your cool!

((momoffive))

Lionne posted 3/8/2014 08:14 AM

There is a school of thought that says that addicts are stuck in the developmental stage at which their addiction began, and that SA is the first addiction, beginning in childhood. Your SAWH's comments would seem to support that.

momoffive posted 3/8/2014 08:46 AM

ScaredyKat... if that's the case he's a 12 year old in a 45 year old body. Makes sense... I often want to just shake my head as he has childlike tantrums.

So when I say he's like Peter Pan... the boy who never grows up, I'm dead on.

Really makes me wonder what the hell is he working on in IC which he's been going to these last 4 years.

Pass posted 3/8/2014 09:28 AM

SAWH comes back snarkily and says, "So my sin is worse than when they do something wrong?"

This dude's head is far enough up his arse to nibble on his tonsils. I can't even believe he said that! Maybe he should just be grounded?

Really makes me wonder what the hell is he working on in IC which he's been going to these last 4 years.

I would be wondering the same thing, and wondering if there is really any hope of him being an equal partner in the marriage.

MinorBee posted 3/8/2014 11:45 AM

What your children do to upset you is typical behavior for those who aren't always capable of thinking about the effect of their actions on others. It's not personal even if it's annoying as all get out.

What your husband did was a choose behavior that he knows would hurt you even if you didn't 'tell' him that it would hurt. Human society has billions of songs, stories, plays, books, newsclips, etc. about how certain behaviours hurt the people we care about. There is no way he 'didn't' know that lesson. His actions were personal to the core.

Sane people react with pain when someone goes out of their way to hurt them...

MoonLitSmile posted 3/8/2014 12:14 PM

Momoffive- sounds like your SAWH still has his head up his ass with no sobriety at all...is he being treated by a CSAT and attending meetings???

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