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Newest Member: js01 (45726)

User Topic: sawh vs. our children
momoffive
♀ 27352
Member # 27352
Default  Posted: 7:01 AM, March 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was trying to have a calm, adult-like conversation last night with SAWH (who is still the same SAWH that he has always been) about a bad trigger I had the other day when SAWH says, "Do you treat our children like you do me? Do you always want to talk about things they do wrong like you do me?"

I responded, "My children have not betrayed me like my husband has done."

SAWH comes back snarkily and says, "So my sin is worse than when they do something wrong?"

I ended the conversation by saying we can finish it at MC... I was not going to get pulled in anymore than what I already had in his attempts to turn a calm conversation into a drag out fight.

Why in the world would he compare his many repeated betrayals to... our children not putting their wash away or forgetting to take the trash out???

Seriously???

We started MC about a month ago with someone who deals with infidelity. He pulls no punches, has called SAWH out on several things and has made me feel validated in how SAWH's many affairs and other betrayals have impacted me. I believe this will be a noteworthy dialougue to share and see if MC can help us through this.


BW 44, SAWH 45(sorry1)
M24 yrs
DD 23,16,13 DS 21, 19
Dday1-7/3/09 EA OW4
Dday2-9/1/09 PA OW4
Dday3 3/14/10 Farmville sexting, OW3
Dday4 3/13/11 Secret texting, would be OW5-she said no
Dday5 8/2/11 PA 10 years ago OW1, kissing 4 years ago OW2

Posts: 1123 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Pennsylvania
JessicaFL127
♀ 26864
Member # 26864
Default  Posted: 7:11 AM, March 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

[This message edited by JessicaFL127 at 7:26 AM, March 8th (Saturday)]


BW,32
divorced for 6 years
mom to two awesome boys,10 and 9

"But you said your vows, and you closed the door
On so many men who would have loved you more" -Cath, DCFC

"The most amazing things can come from some terrible lies"


Posts: 1244 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Missouri
brokendancer7
♀ 39911
Member # 39911
Default  Posted: 7:12 AM, March 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WTF?! Did the aliens suck out you H's brain? How, in any way, can kids doing the things all kids do be compared in the slightest way to cruel, selfish, sneaky, destructive behavior by an adult who took vows, and who should know better?

You did great, keeping your cool!

((momoffive))


Me: BS - 58
Him: WS - 56
Married 34 yrs

Latest DD - April 2013, PA


Posts: 198 | Registered: Jul 2013
scaredyKat
♀ 25560
Member # 25560
Default  Posted: 8:14 AM, March 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There is a school of thought that says that addicts are stuck in the developmental stage at which their addiction began, and that SA is the first addiction, beginning in childhood. Your SAWH's comments would seem to support that.


Me-BS-60
HIM-SAFWH-63
Damn autocorrect is responsible for the silly errors, sorry!

Posts: 3765 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: In my head
momoffive
♀ 27352
Member # 27352
Default  Posted: 8:46 AM, March 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ScaredyKat... if that's the case he's a 12 year old in a 45 year old body. Makes sense... I often want to just shake my head as he has childlike tantrums.

So when I say he's like Peter Pan... the boy who never grows up, I'm dead on.

Really makes me wonder what the hell is he working on in IC which he's been going to these last 4 years.


BW 44, SAWH 45(sorry1)
M24 yrs
DD 23,16,13 DS 21, 19
Dday1-7/3/09 EA OW4
Dday2-9/1/09 PA OW4
Dday3 3/14/10 Farmville sexting, OW3
Dday4 3/13/11 Secret texting, would be OW5-she said no
Dday5 8/2/11 PA 10 years ago OW1, kissing 4 years ago OW2

Posts: 1123 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Pennsylvania
Pass
♂ 38122
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 9:28 AM, March 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SAWH comes back snarkily and says, "So my sin is worse than when they do something wrong?"

This dude's head is far enough up his arse to nibble on his tonsils. I can't even believe he said that! Maybe he should just be grounded?

Really makes me wonder what the hell is he working on in IC which he's been going to these last 4 years.

I would be wondering the same thing, and wondering if there is really any hope of him being an equal partner in the marriage.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 2157 | Registered: Jan 2013
MinorBee
♀ 17895
Member # 17895
Default  Posted: 11:45 AM, March 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What your children do to upset you is typical behavior for those who aren't always capable of thinking about the effect of their actions on others. It's not personal even if it's annoying as all get out.

What your husband did was a choose behavior that he knows would hurt you even if you didn't 'tell' him that it would hurt. Human society has billions of songs, stories, plays, books, newsclips, etc. about how certain behaviours hurt the people we care about. There is no way he 'didn't' know that lesson. His actions were personal to the core.

Sane people react with pain when someone goes out of their way to hurt them...


previously married for 20 years
DDays: which time?, OW's which one?

Posts: 457 | Registered: Jan 2008
MoonLitSmile
♀ 24746
Member # 24746
Default  Posted: 12:14 PM, March 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Momoffive- sounds like your SAWH still has his head up his ass with no sobriety at all...is he being treated by a CSAT and attending meetings???


Me- 40
FWH- 40 recovering SA

Her- 43, a self-centered bitch concerned with no one but herself

DDay- July 13, 2013

Back off man- I'm a scientist!
~ Dr. Peter Venkman


Posts: 720 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Southeastern PA
Topic Posts: 8

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