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Facebook poking

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ReaganT posted 3/8/2014 07:50 AM

My WH keeps poking women on Facebook. Of course, he doesn't know I know this because he doesn't know I know his FB password. He does know I know about one woman who was poking him because the notification came through by email (he has since changed that email setting). When I asked him about this, he LIED about poking her. I didn't call him out about it because I would have to confess to having his password. Now, he and a different woman keep poking each other and have private messaged one another about liking a good poke! UGH!!

Am I overreacting? I don't find it appropriate for a married man to be poking single women on FB. I've been poked by men but I just delete the poke, never have poked back and have never initiated a poking session with anyone!

TrustedHer posted 3/8/2014 10:19 AM

I had to google "facebook poke". People in my world don't use it, even though I'm a regular FB user.

What is he, 12?

What's your boundary here?

You know he's being inappropriate with other women.

What is your action going to be? What are you willing to put up with? Is he on the slippery slope? (Yes.)

Holly-Isis posted 3/8/2014 10:25 AM

The poking isn't as much of a concern as the fact that he doesn't have his account open to you.

Boundaries can be worked on. Keeping secrets from your spouse, especially secrets about other women is an issue.

And yeah, while all of MrH's accounts are open to me, I'd be upset with him FB poking women.

[This message edited by Holly-Isis at 10:25 AM, March 8th (Saturday)]

rachelc posted 3/8/2014 10:28 AM

Am I overreacting? I don't find it appropriate for a married man to be poking single women on FB. I

poking? Is he 13? yep, inappropriate and private messages about liking a good poke?

I'd play my hand with a copy of all that crap in addition to a divorce filing. He wants to be single.

ReaganT posted 3/8/2014 10:52 AM

Thanks, all! Glad to know I'm not overreacting here. I've put it to him so many times, don't do something you wouldn't want me doing. Guess there are lots of things I should start doing! This poking and messaging is just a minute part of all that he does. Might as well start trying to enoy life. Right?

I know this marriage is over. I've known it for a long time. Honestly, the only reason I'm still here is in an attempt to give my daughter a stable home. This man is NEVER going to change, I'm well aware of that. He's proven it time and time again. I know what I need to do but . . .

I'm an idiot for being in it as long as I have. Hindsight - I should have filed those divorce papers years ago. My life would be so different right now. Maybe, I would actually be happy instead of a stressed out basket case!

Lonelygirl10 posted 3/8/2014 11:13 AM

I agree that poking is inappropriate, and honestly a little immature. My xwBF traded pokes back and forth with some girl, and I didn't like it at all. It was made worse by the fact that he would have flipped out if a guy poked me, because he always used to tell me that guys don't do stuff like that unless they are interested in you. So yeah, I don't think you're overreacting.

slide095 posted 3/8/2014 11:17 AM

I agree with previous posters, what in the hell is the point, can anything positive be gained by 'poking' a single woman? Or anyone?

4everfaithful83 posted 3/8/2014 11:17 AM

gently - IMHO, if he is poking random women on facebook, (how immature!) you are not in R. This behavior is inappropriate. He is cake eating.

JaneDeaux posted 3/8/2014 12:38 PM

Facebook was my WH's modus operandi for most of his EA/PAs. If you think it's wrong it is wrong. I happen to agree with you because in my mind Facebook in the hands of a serial cheater is just a bad idea.

ReaganT posted 3/8/2014 18:38 PM

OH MY GOD!!!! I just got home after working a 12 hour day and take a peek at WH's facebook. He has been "poking" this woman all day and they have been sending flirty messages back and forth about it!!!!! WTF? I'm so discussed right now!! She also, conveniently, is looking for someone to maybe do some work for her that just so happens to be what my WH does for work!!! I'm just grossed right out!!

[This message edited by ReaganT at 7:16 PM, March 8th (Saturday)]

4everfaithful83 posted 3/8/2014 18:46 PM

ReaganT - Print the messages and hide them in a safe place, you might need them later!

confront him and KICK HIS ASS OUT! What the hell is he thinking?

ReaganT posted 3/8/2014 19:16 PM

I took screen shots of everything and emailed them to myself. They will be added to the trove of messages I have from his affair with, as I like to call her, skank whore. Guess how that affair started? Yep, through Facebook!!

4everfaithful83 posted 3/8/2014 19:28 PM

yeah...sometimes I hate technology! How did cheating happen back in olden' times? Would you write the lass some snail mail and wait 2 weeks to get a reply? lol

With facebook and all the messaging apps they have for cell phones (that don't show up on your cell phone bill), It's so easy to cheat these days!

Sorry for your pain!

ReaganT posted 3/8/2014 19:38 PM

Thank you, 4ever.

I know what you mean. It is all too easy these days and way too tempting for some. However, despite all of this technology, I've never once let another man's dick near me in the WAY TOO MANY years WH and I have been together! Silly, me.

ReaganT posted 3/8/2014 19:42 PM

I also went and changed the email settings so his FB notifications will now be sent by email to an account we both use. Now, if she messages or pokes, I will have an email of it and don't have to give away the fact I have his FB password. Poke away, Bitch!

jadedheart posted 3/8/2014 20:03 PM

"poke away bitch"

If there was a "like" button on SI I would hit it for this!

Stay strong girl!

womaninflux posted 3/8/2014 20:08 PM

Better yet…just confront him. Cut to the chase. Tell him this needs to stop immediately so that you can feel safe in your marriage. There is NO NEED for him to interact with any person in this way.

phoenixrise posted 3/8/2014 23:45 PM

Hell no you aren't over reacting! What an ass completely out of line and disrespectful after what he did to you...the first thing we did was close our fb accounts because cheating spouses obviously have no self control and can't keep members of the opposite sex as just friends...for me I would pack up and leave...major slap in the face...also major red flags and secrecy with the password non sense and more lies he should be transparent...tell him close the damn account or I'm out...he isn't taking you as seriously as he should

Sadmumma posted 3/9/2014 03:27 AM

My ex used to do it all the time... I never had a problem either that. But lying about it and saying he didn't...hell yeah that's wrong

Uhtred posted 3/9/2014 10:16 AM

I'm going to tell you real quick your husband is seriously immature and an attention whore. After DDay I forbid facebook from ever being on any of our mobile devices or home pc or reconciling was off the table.

You are not over reacting at all. As a matter of fact I'd be livid if I were you. I suggest that you may let him know that facebook is something you don't approve of him using and if he wants to make his marriage work then he will promptly delete his account and all other types of bullshit that he's up to.

I have a serious hate for social media and facebook because my wife used them to facilitate affairs. I hope you explode on him and rain on his parade. You should send him a "poke" and let him know how the cow eats the corn.

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