HOWEVER, when the divorce is finalized and official, I really want to send XWH an email as my last and final goodbye/FU. First, how many of you think this is a BAD idea; to show him my feelings and vent before moving on? Second, for those that think it'd be ok, I have previously posted an extremely long send-off on SI but I have shortened it down to what is below. What do you think of it?
What justifications did your father make to feel better about cheating on his young wife and leaving his two small children? Did your mother not cook the food he liked? Did your sister ask him too many homework questions? Or was it that you, at two years old, weren't able to color inside the lines? Whatever his justifications, I'm sure he believed them and held onto them tightly; probably still does. I'm sure it was the only way he knew how to run from his responsibilities. His whore had the audacity to show up on your mother's doorstep and dared to speak to your mother as if she had the right.
A person that hurts someone who they pledged to honor, love and cherish forever is an emotional terrorist and sick in the head. There is NO justification for it. Justify and victimize yourself to everyone we know-tell them how what you've done was wrong but I gave you reason because I yelled or said nasty things, because poor little you started to feel unhappy, or because I didn't go to marriage counseling in the end (conveniently leave out that the reason I didn't go was because you said you wouldn't go/you didn't want to work on our marriage 2 days before the appointment and that is why I made you leave our home and be careful not to tell them you only went because your mother made you). Date that girl because she helps you pretend like you're her Knight In Shining Armor; maybe if she strokes your ego continually you can just forget what a coward and fool you've been. While you were betraying me with her, she was making you feel like it wasn't so bad because of how much you "help" her. You'll both get what's coming to you. Maybe you'll never have to truly acknowledge that you've got problems way bigger than I could give you. She's garbage like you. Every beautiful memory we made over ten years is dead to me, just like you. You killed it all with your selfishness.
PS. I think it's hilarious that you "found" your affair partner and your divorce lawyer on the same street in town. I guess, for you, it really is all about convenience. I hope you stay forever in luuuuuurve in your fairy tale land.
ETA: I have determined that you guys are right about continuing NC. It is THE BEST FU.
[This message edited by JellyGirl84 at 12:35 PM, March 9th (Sunday)]
Whatever you hope to accomplish by sending the letter probably will not happen. So why send it?
Personally, I wouldn't bother. As difficult as it is to remain NC I think the biggest fuck you is the fuck you that is never actually said - ignoring him and moving on with your fabulous life. That's what I tell myself every time I am forced to ignore the OW breaking NC again, anyway. I get it might be different with the man you married and planned your future with.
You make valid points, and it is well written, but it might as well be in another language.
He won't get it!
Ps. We don't have children, dreamboat....and thank God for it!
The one thing I have to hold on to re: vengeance is how true I know my mother's favorite quote is,
"Every dog gets its day."
[This message edited by JellyGirl84 at 9:48 AM, March 8th (Saturday)]
Living the life you want is far more important. So spend your time, thoughts and heart there rather than on your ex.
Her: WW/57 Me: BS/63 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11
I think you have given him the biggest FU of all by remaining completely NC
I like your mom's saying.
[This message edited by phoenixrise at 11:26 PM, March 8th (Saturday)]
NOTHING says "you are unimportant to me" to the ex H and "you have nothing that I want" to the OW then dignified silence.