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Newest Member: Cobound (61857)

User Topic: Its a family thing
♀ 29447
Member # 29447
Default  Posted: 12:12 PM, March 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have always considered my brother and I polar opposites. We are very different people and I have often wondered how it can be that we were cut from the same cloth. I love him...because he is my brother. We otherwise would never cross paths in the real world. I've spent a lot of time considering him kind of a judgemental prick actually. I have had the impression that he feels like he is above others. I think he means well but can come off like an ass at times. I've always considered myself much more down to earth. I've considered myself much more forgiving and less of a hypocrite.

What I am realizing is that as different as we are, we are similar too. We both got married when we were 23. We both had our children in our late twenties/early thirties. We both had 2 children. We have both had to learn hard lessons about finances. And it turns out, we have both been affected by infidelity in marriages that no one would ever have thought it possible.

It turns out I have been a hypocrite and judgemental. And turns out my brother is much more forgiving than I thought. He is a BH. He is trying to do his best to reconcile with my SIL. Unfortunately, it sounds as if she is very foggy and unremorseful. I haven't spoken directly to my brother yet. The only thing he has said to me is that things are pretty bad in the marriage right now, no specifics. He finally opened up to my mom. Then of course, mom told me. The only reason I know is because ever since my brother said they were having problems, my suspicions have been infidelity. Of course when your a hammer, everything looks like a nail. But it turns out I was right. Even right down to when and how it started. SAHM went back to work after the kids started high school, yadda, yadda, yadda. Now she is staying out all weekend partying like a rock star while my brother attempts to maintain some sort of normalcy for his kids. I feel horrible for him. I know she blames him. And it's awful because I know that if I heard this 4 years ago, I probably would too. But no matter how insensitive my brother can be, he does not deserve this!

I want to put FOO issues aside and send out an olive branch to him. We have a very small group of people who know of our situation. It's been a rule not to share with anyone outside of that original circle. For the first time, we have agreed to let someone else in that circle. HT asked me if I felt comfortable telling my brother about this particular aspect of my life, especially given his judgements in the past. But the way I look at it is he is a BH that is suffering. We could have something to offer to help him get through this, so why wouldn't we?

I am willing to set aside any appearances for the sake of helping someone else. I am not concerned what he might think of me. I am confident in who I am these days. I never thought I would feel so protective over him. I'm not sure if it's because he is my blood or because he is a BH (I have a tendency to come to defend BH's these days), or both.

I am hoping he will open up to me. If not me, then HT. I want to share SI with him. I don't want to know his user name and won't give him ours, but I think it would help him tremendously to become a member here.

There really is no point to this post. Just had to get it out. I hate that this world is so messed up. At this point, I completely give in to the fact that anything is possible. We are all a straight up hot mess.

Me: WS 44
Him: BH 45(HoldingTogether)
D Day: 7/24/2010
If you keep asking people to give you the benefit of the doubt, they will eventually start to doubt your benefit.

Posts: 6544 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Texas
♀ 36521
Member # 36521
Default  Posted: 2:55 PM, March 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((WOES))). I have no advice. But I think no matter how different you are, of course you want to help your brother. Good luck and good for you for wanting to help him and share your experience with him.

Me: BW. Him: WH. Dday: 4/26/12. TT until 8/15/12 LTA 7 years. Trying to R

Posts: 591 | Registered: Aug 2012
♂ 35619
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 6:19 PM, March 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think he would be lucky and grateful for the support. Maybe this is the chance for you and he to develop a closer relationship. Blessing drawn from a horrible situation kind of opportunity (maybe?)

Posts: 4634 | Registered: May 2012
♀ 36853
Member # 36853
Default  Posted: 3:18 AM, March 9th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry for your brother's pain. I hope this brings you closer. It's kind of you and HT to reach out to support him.

fWW 40s, BH 40s
D-day 27 Aug 2012. Kids 25, 17, 13. 2 dogs.

I edit often to fix stuff ☺️

Profoundly grateful Every. Single. Day. that I am blessed with an H with strength, integrity, and compassion, and that he decided to try.

Posts: 1814 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Deep South, USA
Topic Posts: 4

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