Lies like that is what wrecked everything in the first place. I can't believe she doesn't understand that, and I can't believe that, after the first time I angrily and firmly told her I would never do something like that, she keeps suggesting it. Now I'm torn between talking to her for advice (she's been cheated on/divorced before) and avoiding her because of her insistance that I "even the score" when my BS hurts me.
There is no score. Yes, some things BS does hurt me. But I also hurt him. Has anyone else dealt with this, and how do you handle it?
[This message edited by Neveragain1221 at 3:10 PM, March 8th (Saturday)]
I'm not at all suggesting that you cut your mother out of your life, but is there a "friend of the marriage" that can be your go-to person for venting and talk about your marriage?
Come here, or talk to an IC.
I'd consider that, perhaps, she doesn't mean well.
I agree that it's time to stop sharing certain things with her.
I can't control her but I can establish a cautious and protected relationship with her, which I have done.
Good luck as this is NOT easy. As the old adage goes, you can chose your friends, but your family...they're here to stay.
I guess I'll just keep posting here, and talking only to the MC.
We have a rule that anyone who is not a friend of the marriage is not a friend, period.
For example, she asked me how things were after seeing Facebook pics from the weekend that were us at church and then the zoo as a family. Said "you look happy, how is it going?" I said things were going good that day and I was happy. She immediately had to dampen it and say "well, you know there will be ups and downs. This was an up so prepare yourself for the down". I don't find that constructive at all. I think I know we are on a roller coaster and I am trying to enjoy the good. Ugh.
So I have limited talking to her about my marriage. As a woman that can be hard, I know. It's your mom. But I don't consider my mom a friend of the marriage right now. I won't cut her from my life, but I can't talk to her on marriage issues.
So that was a long way for me to tell you I empathize on you with having a mother who is making this all that much harder.
I have cut many, many friends out of my life because of this. Looking back, I realize a lot of them weren't very good friends to have. There are a few of them I'd still like to see again, but I won't. They aren't friends of the relationship.