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Too sick for sex?

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DragonBunker posted 3/8/2014 15:37 PM

My bf and I have recently both had severe chest infections. We're both ok now. But it has left us somewhat drained. Last night, I made it clear that I would like some attention, sexually. He didn't initiate anything and didn't seem to respond to my attempts to start anything so I fell asleep! Anyway, we haven't done anything in like 2 weeks, barely even kissed since we've felt so rotten. I have said I would like for us to have some quality intimate time later. And now I feel like he is avoiding me! He probably isn't, but my ex would use sexual rejection to humiliate and embarrass me and make me feel ashamed and unloved. I guess it's a mini trigger for me. He probably isn't avoiding me. He's just doing something in another room of the house, nothing unusual about it. I'm just getting too caught up in my "oh my god, this happened before, maybe there really IS something horribly unattractive about me" headspace.

I can't be the only person that this crappy stuff happens to! Even from a past relationship- it's like a damn ghost swooping in saying "oh, hey! Did you forget about me? Nah, I'm still happy to haunt you!"

Getting to Happy posted 3/8/2014 15:48 PM

...it's like a damn ghost swooping in saying "oh, hey! Did you forget about me? Nah, I'm still happy to haunt you!"

Betrayal and Abuse...The gifts that keep on giving!

Feel better ((((Dragon Bunker)))). You have been heard.

BtraydWife posted 3/8/2014 19:28 PM

I can't comment on your bf but I have been too sick for sex before. Hope you both get better soon.

womaninflux posted 3/8/2014 19:40 PM

My neighbor is a psychiatrist. She and I went on a walk last year. She doesn't know about my marital issues but she said something about what she tells her patients in general about sex with their significant others:

If you aren't communicating, you aren't having sex.

Are you communicating? Looking at one another when talking about this or just talking about in passing?

It sounds silly but make an appointment to talk about it.

Skan posted 3/8/2014 19:54 PM

My FWH and I are just getting better from a week+ of each of us getting sick after each other and being too sick to think about sex. And we don't have the best communication about sex either, though we are working on it.

One thing that we do that helps a lot, and it sounds silly, is to put a "marker" on the staircase handrail that says, I Want Sex. If the other person is up for it, they put their marker up there too. And this handrail is right in front of us in the living room, so it's impossible to miss. We use figurines of Micky & Minnie Mouse (long story). If one of the mice is up there but the other person isn't up for it, that person has to let the initiating person know and re-schedule a time that will work for both.

Sounds silly, but we do have fun with it. Those darn mice have shown up in cars, lunch boxes, jacket pockets, etc.

BtraydWife posted 3/8/2014 20:41 PM

That's cute but I'll never look at Mickey and Minnie the same.

See a child's toy-wonder who is signaling for sex.

DragonBunker posted 3/9/2014 03:50 AM

It's all fine, mission accomplished! Yes we do still communicate and we do talk things over. I'm a better communicator than him, because I come from a very communicative family and I don't think he does in general. Both loving families, but just mine were better at sharing their emotions and much more physically affectionate. Also, I grew up with siblings very close in age and we discussed everything and anything- still do- but he grew up with one sibling quite far apart in age and was a shy and somewhat misunderstood kid who spent a lot of his childhood alone, without peers or siblings to share his thoughts with. I do get great conversations out of him, but sometimes if the topic moves onto anything that might mean I'm possibly less than 100% happy with something, he gets worried and feels like he is "in trouble" due to having a ltr (in which he was a Bso) with one of those women who find a problem with everything and can't bear his eyes to even look in the same direction of another female. That's not me. But issues are issues I guess, Hell- I have them or I wouldn't read and post here!

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