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friendincrisis posted 3/8/2014 16:51 PM

Has anyone else found videos of your wife cheating

MoonLitSmile posted 3/8/2014 16:55 PM

No, but I am so, so sorry. I do not want to even imagine what it mist be like for you. I did find a bunch of graphic self-made videos that the FOW sent to my FWH. I know that doesn't even compare. (((Friendincrisis)))

nowiknow23 posted 3/8/2014 16:57 PM

Welcome to SI, friendincrisis.

Yes - there have been stories posted by members that include them seeing images/videos of their partners engaged "in the act" with an affair partner, prostitute, etc. If you have experienced this also, you have my deepest sympathies.

friendincrisis posted 3/8/2014 16:57 PM

I found videos of my wife cheating with a douchebag I know
I don't know how to deal with this it is tearing me up
I am a strong well educated man I dote on her and love her with all my heart I want to get past this she says it is over betwen them but I'm not so sure
Any advice would be appreciated I don't want to leave her but I am Considering it
My world use to revolve around her and now It feels like it has stopped

somanyyears posted 3/8/2014 16:59 PM

..no, thank God !! ..aren't the mind movies already bad enough??

..sorry you had to find those.. I had a cassette tape way back in 1987 of their phone conversation that was the proof of their betrayal.

..after I confronted her with the first few minutes of it, she managed to get it and destroy it. I don't think I would have wanted to listen to it more than once anyway.

..lock it up just in case you need it for legal purposes. Otherwise, don't look at it any more..it will only bring back more pain.

..keep well

smy

friendincrisis posted 3/8/2014 17:02 PM

Thank you all for responding I have no one to vent to I feel like Just beating the crap out of this guy we were not friends but he did come to our family picnic Inwas unaware at the time but looking back I should've seen the signs him and her sat out on the front porch long after I went to bed and then she was pissed at me the next day although I had to work at 3 am I should've stayed up

friendincrisis posted 3/8/2014 17:03 PM

And those videos are burnt into my brain I see and hear her and him responding to each other and keep seeing him trying to stick his limp penis into her butt

friendincrisis posted 3/8/2014 17:04 PM

My life sucks right now

ButterflyGirl posted 3/8/2014 17:09 PM

No videos, but I found deleted naked pics they had sent each other on his phone. The worst part? He had sent the same dick pic to me too. He got an "lol" from me that day. He got a twat pic back from her that day. Really could have gone my whole life without seeing that..

When I found out about the A, he told me "It's over, and it has been over for months," which turned out to be the furthest thing from the truth..

I don't know how you start trusting again, but I would do some detective work if I were you. She should be giving you full transparency to earn your trust back (all phone and computer passwords, etc.), and I think her reaction to having to do that will give you a lot of what you need to know. If she's not hiding anything, she will let you invade her privacy as much as you want so you can start believing her again. If she scoffs at it or says she has a right to privacy or doesn't want you reassuring yourself by checking up on her, then I would say she still has something to hide. There is no venom in R..

Big hugs to you. Sending you some mental eye bleach..

shiloe posted 3/8/2014 17:11 PM

I am sorry for your pain. I didn't see but got to hear (via tape recorder) my WH and his ho "together". Have PTSD from it.
It this Om married? If so please tell his BS.


Who the hell video tapes that crap?

Do you think she knew she was being taped?

That is just wrong on so many levels.

[This message edited by shiloe at 5:12 PM, March 8th (Saturday)]

annb posted 3/8/2014 17:17 PM

Hi, friendincrisis, welcome to SI. I am so sorry you found those damn videos, just knowing they cheated and the mind movies that play in our heads without the visuals is devastating enough...I cannot even imagine.

What I suggest is you mozy on down to the I Can Relate forum...there's a thread there for Betrayed Men Only. Weekends are a bit slow, but you will get a great deal of support from a great bunch of guys who have walked in the path you are now walking. Stories different, the pain just as excruciating.

I also suggest you get yourself tested for STDs. Meet with your doctor for some temporary medications, I cannot imagine how you are coping. Many, many of us here have had to take something, even just to get a good night's sleep.

Right now just breathe. Take it one hour at a time. Focus on you. Eat as best as you can and be sure to stay hydrated. Get out of your environment and EXERCISE some of the anxiety away.

Get yourself into individual counseling. Pronto if you can. A GOOD counselor who is well-trained in infidelity.

In the meantime, post, post, post and read, read, read here. Have you checked out the Healing Library?

You do not have to make any decisions right now. Give yourself time to process all of this.

Is your wife remorseful or just sorry she got caught?

Sending mojo and prayers and positive thoughts your way.

(((friendincrisis)))

Lyonesse posted 3/8/2014 17:17 PM

I am so sorry you are here. It can be a bit slow here on weekends, but please keep posting - you will find lots of support.

My advice is to realize 1) you do not have to make a decision right now and 2) this is not about you in any way - it is a problem/defect in your wife.

The only thing you need to do now is take care of yourself. Betrayal is a serious trauma. First order: make sure you are getting enough water. see a doctor for anti-depressants or something to sleep if you need to (and get tested for STD's, as your wife must do as well). find someone to talk to - counselor, religious advisor, friend, family, or here. You will get through this.

Read in the Healing Library (yellow box at left) and go to the Just Found Out forum and read everything with a bull's-eye next to it. This will help you start putting things in context and suggest how to proceed. There is also a forum for men who have been betrayed, under the I Can Relate heading.

Wishing you strength. It is a minute-to-minute struggle in the immediate aftermath of discovery. I remember it all too well and wish there were some way to spare you the pain of it. All I can promise is you will find your way and better days are ahead.

rachelc posted 3/8/2014 17:39 PM

I caught the live show. Are you in IC? EMDR therapy helped me a lot with this... it's almost too much to get over though...

Dare2Trust posted 3/8/2014 19:13 PM

friendincrisis,

Is your wife aware that you found the videos?

Is the Other Man - she had sex with in the videos married?

If this man is married - Personally, I'd be inviting his wife over for a bit of "Show and Tell"....but I'm sort of mean, like that!

friendincrisis posted 3/8/2014 19:39 PM

No he is not married and I have found out through some friends that he is responsible for at least 3 other marriage failures plus I have found out hebwas also screwing 2 other women I have gotten myself checked for std and also learned he has no job and I think she gave him some money to help pay his bills this is too much for me to deal with I think it will have to be over but I'm not ready for that
And yes she knew it was being filmed he used her phone
i found 5 videos all together but two of them were her masterbating for him alone and she sent them to him th were taken at 8:30 am the other videos were taken at around 11:30 at night when she was suppose to be out of town working thats the worst part she drove about 90 miles and right past me to get a motel and screw him all night

friendincrisis posted 3/8/2014 19:44 PM

When I confronted her she tried accusing me of cheating and then she said she never meant to hurt me realistically she never meant to get caught !
We are getting along ok now but every little thing makes me wonder
The real problem is I have a very keen sense of smell and can tell when her hormones are different like when she got pregnant with our child I told her before she knew
I can smell when she has had an orgasmn and that really messes with me because she does masterbate and I always know but What I don't know is if she has been with someone else or if she just diddled herself

friendincrisis posted 3/8/2014 19:45 PM

And once again thank you all

Uhtred posted 3/8/2014 19:46 PM

Damnit man, I sure hate this for you. I didn't have videos but I had pictures to look at. I can only imagine what you're going through. I have no advice but am offering my support for you brother.

StillGoing posted 3/8/2014 20:01 PM

I think the weirdest pic I found was OM with his cock on his kids teddy bear.

I mean there was a lot of brutal shit to look at but that was the "What the shit is this fuck?" moment.

Ascendant posted 3/8/2014 20:33 PM

I, too, found a dick picture. Fucking horrifying.

I have no great advice for you, friendincrisis. Sorry... I'm sure you're hurting right now.

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