"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott
Hi, SP. Two things:
he cheated, cheats, and will forever cheat.
The only part of this that I can find true is "he cheated".....the rest seems to be fatalistic thinking based on you being in a *low* spot right now, not due to *renewed* cheating on his part. Just something for you to keep in mind (unless you have reason to believe that he has begun cheating again.....)
How could I ever know if he was cheating or not if I never ever knew when he was?
Second thing. My (now)stbx was also one who treated me 'just fine' throughout his affairs. We had what I thought was a *normal* relationship -- he brought me flowers, cooked for the family a couple times a week (when he was in town), had sex regularly, hugged/kissed/ILY'd multiple times daily, and told me (frequently) that he wanted to be with me forever. So once his marriage-long cheating behavior was uncovered, I was flummoxed because he had pulled the wool over my eyes for so long. I knew that his ability to *fool* me for so long was a strong indication of him having some pretty serious *head* issues. So all I had to *go on* as I attempted to find a way to R with the guy was listening and watching for indications of a change in the way he *was* in the world. Watching the way that he interpreted his interactions with others and myself, etc.
My (now)stbx kept *failing* at this because he was constantly showing me that his 'inner mind' remained unchanged.
(1) We had spoken about starting a new company, one which was similar to the one we were currently running, and he indicated that he was worried that the current customers would be upset and consider the new business a 'conflict of interest'. So he said that if we were to do this, that we would have to *bury* our ownership of it so that the current customers wouldn't know that it was ours.
(2) During a chit-chatty discussion one day, he said "I want to think that telling you about all of it (his cheating) was a good thing, but I look at guys who are doing things every day that their wives don't know about and they are HAPPY!
What those 2 things told me about him was that he was still willing to do the *wrong* thing so long as the 'wronged' person didn't find out.
Also, one day I called him out about being the *same* guy, and he decided to tell me *how* he was different by listing off a bunch of instances where women were coming on to him and he walked away. A couple of the instances seemed legit, but one of them floored me. He said that a woman walked by him in Wal-Mart and said "Oh hi. Our kids go to school together." (in reference to our special-needs child's school)
That conversation indicated to me that he saw any woman that said "hi" to him as *available*.....and it creeped me out.
I decided that his mind was just too sick for me to be able to deal with anymore.
In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.