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Newest Member: Turtlemode (46041)

User Topic: Pain into Power
DTERMINED2SURVIV
♀ 42294
Member # 42294
Default  Posted: 9:15 AM, March 9th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, if youve read my stories, youve probably come to the understanding that my fws is a recovering asshole. We have good days, bad days, days where it seems like he really gets it, and days where he doesnt. He is the type who ENJOYS the power he has in an A. Whatever kind it is, he enjoys that a woman is willing to do anything for him, when he gives her nothing. It took me a while to realize he was almost doing the same things to me while in his A's.

Well, yesterday I checked the phone records as usual and facebook. I dont always check facebook but I did. I did it while I was at work since thats when he used to do his WS things. Well, nothing too notable or out of the ordinary...except for one number on an incoming text. xxx-1234...Its amazing how the mind works
just KNOWING this number wasnt right. Well my fws didnt write it back so I logged into the facebook to make sure he wasnt communicating to said person through there. He wasnt. Im happy about that part, however he isnt being completely honest. I didnt ask him about the number or who it was I simply went home looked through the phone (while he wasnt looking) and of course xxx-1234 message was deleted. Luckily he laid down and took a nap because I wanted to rip his face off! Yes, he didnt respond, BUT he did delete the message so obviously he felt uncomfortable with me seeing it. I stared at him, for about an hour and half thinking "you motherf- ..okay, so thats how this is going to work" I didnt say ANYTHING when he woke up either, just acted normal and went to sleep later that night.

I realized something though in my anger, something I had forgotten about these last few months. That is the POWER OF KNOWING. Turning something that can hurt me into strength. I see a lot of people on here finding out about infidelity and holding it in. Preparing a plan before they do ANYTHING. I used to do that. I would just gather as much info as possible, let him dig his hole deeper until I had something Undeniable!! It felt good to have the power. He thought he had the big secret but I had the biggest! I knew his secret all along! I remembered the feeling of being a step ahead and in this world, its good.

Well, I have decided to keep this number a secret. I want to see when and if it text again and also to see if he'll respond. I know if I say something about it of course he wont. I want him to think I dont know about it like he has the upperhand. I would think he knows better by now. We'll see though. I know its a girl, and amazingly I KNOW who it is. Almost every month she changes her number. She reminds me of the girl in the movie Obssessed! She has told his best friend that she thinks they are sole mates and that WHEN she get the chance (not if) she will make him happy. Wierd!

Well, I have the power of knowledge right now. Like so many, ill just hold onto it and see what happens. Hopefully nothing as usual but this is a test. I think as a bs its how we get our power back after we've been betrayed.




Posts: 272 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Where theres lots of southern HOEspitality
Jrazz
♀ 31349
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 1:21 PM, March 9th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We often say that keeping your cards close to your chest is a good move. It's so hard to prove anything if a BS who JFO is constantly handing over their sources.

I hope that your fws is doing the work needed to alleviate this kinds of detective work in the future.

(((DTERMINED)))


"Welcome the rawness of vulnerability as an opportunity to open." - Pema Chodron

Me: BW 35
Crazz: WH 33
Daughter: 4.5 Going on 16


Posts: 18702 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
jjct
♂ 17484
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 1:25 PM, March 9th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

my fws is a recovering asshole.

Turning something that can hurt me into strength.

(& humor)


Posts: 6840 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
DTERMINED2SURVIV
♀ 42294
Member # 42294
Default  Posted: 2:52 PM, March 9th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Exactly Jrazz! He is doing a lot of work, id say he's given me about 95% turn around....its that other 5. Until I get that I cant truly say we are in R.

@jjct..humor is key! Recovering asshole is a nice way to put it lol!




Posts: 272 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Where theres lots of southern HOEspitality
Topic Posts: 4

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