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persevere posted 3/9/2014 12:33 PM

When XWH left he walked away from pretty much every friend we have. I even remained close friends with his best man in our wedding, one of his best childhood friends, J, we ran a mud race together about a 18 months ago, and we keep in touch through FB. He recently messaged me about his new GF who he says reminds him a lot of me, which was very nice.

He and XWH hadn't talked since right around Dday until recently. Apparently, XWH finally reached out to J, and invited him down to XWH's house in Cabo (the dream house in Mexico we always talked about- though I wouldn't have picked Cabo - but he continued on with the dream, just replaced the wife, lol).

I talked to J, and I said, "stay on the straight path, unlike your friend, have fun, and you will not like that bitch better than me...lol."

J replied, "There is no way I would like her more....and I would never stray from my girl."

Then I saw J posted about how there were 100 college kids on his flight and the girl next to him asked why he would want to go to Cabo on Spring Break - so he posted - do I look that old? To which many people posted yes, lol... My XMIL even posted that she never understood why XWH wants to have a house down there with all of those young kids running around...makes no sense to her.

It kind of summarizes who XWH turned into - all about the party - and of no substance. And from what I hear he's turning into that lecherous old guy you wouldn't want around your college age girls, which is pretty sad. Sometimes I still wonder where this guy came from, but then I realize I will never get it.

As for J, a year or so ago, their contact would cause me to end our friendship, but now it's not a big deal to me. I have to admit I'm morbidly curious to hear the details...lol.

SBB posted 3/10/2014 05:03 AM

I personally wouldn't let him give you any details. If it's positive you'll get sucked back in. If it's negative you'll get sucked back in.

Thus sort of shit can derail your healing. Have a think about why you are making him so important? What is happening in your own life that is making you so interested in his train wreck of a life.

NC = no new hurts. That includes gossip or any kind of info about him.

I feel sadness whenever something does get through. Most of it is negative but I feel the same way about anything positive. Just sad. Sad for his sad life. Sad for my girls. Sad that he is still so sick and won't ever do anything about it. He'll model this love addict behaviour for the rest of their lives. They too might become love addicts just as his mother passed it to him and his sister (his older brother is not a love addict - he saw clearly the damage his mothers addiction caused - 3 husbands by the time he was 12).

[This message edited by SBB at 5:03 AM, March 10th (Monday)]

Amazonia posted 3/10/2014 06:39 AM

I hear occasional gossip about my XH, and it's not even a question of getting sucked in. It feels more like watching a recap of a nauseatingly dramatic soap opera I used to be really hooked on but eventually lost interest in.

persevere posted 3/11/2014 19:14 PM

You're right SBB - just the few FB posts that have popped up made me uncomfortable, and I didn't look closely. I won't be asking for any details.

Thanks for the knock in the head I needed it.