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Wedding party fail

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BeyondBreaking posted 3/9/2014 15:41 PM

So...I was asked to be in that wedding after all. And despite not wanting to be in it, I was kind to the bride and said yes and have done my best so far to be supportive.

The bride is very thin, and so are a bunch of her friends. She picked out a dress already, and some of the girls have already gone and gotten sized. I am large, and knew after shopping for my own wedding dress a year ago, and shopping for dresses in general- that dress shopping would be a problem. Sure enough- the dress she picked is a Bill Levkoff dress, that cannot be custom ordered and a material that is difficult to alter. In the largest available size, my bust is 8 inches too large to fit into that. If I was a few inches away from fitting in the waist or something, I would attempt to lose weight and deal with it- but I have always had large boobs, and it cannot promise or plan on losing that many inches in my bust. I talked to the lady about putting a corset back or something in- she said that would give me a few inches, but not eight.

I called and told her right away, and the lady at the bridal boutique gave the name of another dress designer who does have stuff more in sizes that would fit me, and customizable options.

I feel really bad, because I was a bride a year ago, and know how it is to have your heart set on how you want it to look. This girl has never had to shop for large boobs, and probably had no idea, and I feel badly being a problem. I told her that, and I told her that I don't want to ruin her wedding plans or look she wants. She was nice about it- I was half hoping she would kick be out for being too fat- and said she would look at other options and get back to me with a different dress that I can wear.

I don't know what to do. Has anyone else ever been in this situation or have any advice? This whole thing is very awkward and a disaster. I feel very bad for essentially making someone I am not even that close to switch up her whole wedding party attire because my boobs are too big.

Bee2011 posted 3/9/2014 18:06 PM

Honesty, if I were the bride, I would feel horrible that I put you in that position where you feel badly about your body. You have nothing to feel bad or apologize for. Please don't spend time trying to lose weight for this. You are who you are and that's beautiful and that's being a good friend and bridesmaid.

bluelady posted 3/9/2014 19:53 PM

I think the polite thing would have been for the bride to ask her wedding party what styles of dress they feel works best for their body shape and/or that they like.

I'm in a similar boat. My sister is getting married this summer and I'm in the bridal party. All of the other girls (including my sister) are short and thin. I'm tall (so I'll already be standing out like a sore thumb) and, while I'm not terribly overweight, I'm certainly thick-waisted and hard to dress.

My sister decided on mismatched dresses for the bridal party, as long as they were a similar shade AND the same fabric. Well, didn't she pick chiffon. Chiffon makes me look 8 months pregnant on a good day. I didn't say anything and did my best to find a dress I liked that only made my look second trimestery instead of ready to pop. She finally changed her mind and told us to look for "summer friendly fabrics". We were able to find a nice, structured dress with a lace overlay that looks really good on and that my sister loves.

Don't feel bad. Like Bee said, *she* should be the one who is apologizing to you.

BeyondBreaking posted 3/9/2014 20:40 PM

I just feel stuck.

When I was a bride, I know how different body types work and intentionally picked a dress for the girls that was easily altered and inexpensive and made out of really forgiving material.

But it's not my wedding. She should have thought of me and recognized that I was not going to fit into the same dresses her skinnier friends will fit into. She was understanding about it initially but I have talked to her later this afternoon and she is insisting on getting this dress. Already has her heart set. Is insisting that it will work, is sure we can alter it in some way- it's like she doesn't understand that there ISNT ENOUGH MATERIAL.

I've dropped hints politely about letting me go from the wedding party, and she won't budge. Apparently it is super important to her that I be in this wedding and I somehow squeeze myself into this particular dress. I'm frustrated beyond belief.

I have always been happy and confidant with my body, and accepted the larger frame and curves. Now, I feel like shit. So that's fun.

To top it off- my husband just doesn't get it. He doesn't understand how awkward this is, and how much this doesn't work. As a way to be supportive- he nicely asked if I wanted help with trying to lose weight, which made the whole situation even worse because the problem isn't my fat butt or stomach- it's my boobs, and I like my boobs.

Ugh! I just need to vent. Maybe we will find some crazy amazing alterations specialist who can snap her fingers and make it work- but I have a sickening feeling that anything we might be able to do is going to be very expensive. Maybe I need to put my foot down and just say no- although my husband is in the wedding, as is my daughter so that will just make the awkwardness worse.

HFSSC posted 3/9/2014 22:54 PM

It's a pity that Molly Ringwald's character from "Pretty in Pink" docent really exist. She could cut up 2 different dresses and make one that looks AWESOME.

Nature_Girl posted 3/9/2014 23:32 PM

Would it be possible to order some extra fabric? That way you could have your dress altered with the fabric used as expander panels. (I'm not a seamstress, I have no idea what the right words are!)

Amazonia posted 3/10/2014 06:50 AM

When I married my now-ex-husband, I let the girls pick their own dresses in a certain line, BUT one of my maids ended up being 8 months pregnant at the wedding....and the other girls had already bought their dresses when she found out/told me - so rather than have them re-buy in new fabric (no maternity dresses in that line), she ordered fabric directly from the designer and had a tailor make her a dress that fit and she was comfortable in.

Another option I've heard of a friend doing is buying two dresses and having a tailor take out the stitching and create side panels like NG mentioned. If you're having that level of alterations done, you could also potentially have other things done, like thicker straps, etc. to make it more flattering to your figure. You're going to need a very talented seamstress though, hopefully your daily go to tailor is good!

Undefinabl3 posted 3/10/2014 07:32 AM

Are you by chance close enough to each other for you both to go to the store/alteration place for them to actually explain this to her?

She may see this as you trying to get out of being in her wedding, rather then it actually be a logistical nightmare.

As a side note, this is why I picked the mix and match from Davids Bridal for my girls. I gave them the color it had to be, and they took it from there. They were all comfortable and i got my color....sorry she's not seeing this from your point of view.

(also as a soap box moment. I get that the wedding is THE day, but there are other people involved for crying out loud. I think that the 'well its her day' crap just pisses me off. Yeah, fine, its her day, but that doesnt mean that the bride can just walk all over people.)

little turtle posted 3/10/2014 07:55 AM

I agree with Undefinabl3. Can you guys go to the store together so she can *see* what you're talking about??

I'm sorry that she didn't think of your needs when she picked out her dress. I went with all of my bridesmaids to try on dresses before choosing the dress they all said they liked the best. If they had said different dresses, I would have had mixed dresses. I want them to be comfortable.

itainteasy posted 3/10/2014 12:15 PM

If all else fails, is it possible to obtain the pattern for the dress, and have a seamstress sew the dress for you?

It does suck. I love that the new trend is to have same/similar colors but different dresses. I hate when things are too matchy matchy.

What a frustrating situation.

Crescita posted 3/10/2014 13:01 PM

The Bill Levkoff website says they offer sizes 0-28 and you can order extra fabric with the dress. I'd try another shop and another tailor. If the shop is pushing another designer, itís probably more a matter of making the sale worth their margin. Also, I'd take the bride with you. Not only will she be more likely to understand if it can't work, the store will probably take you more seriously if they think they have more potential clients on the line ($$$) to offset the trouble of altering your dress.

dameia posted 3/10/2014 13:21 PM

I am also curious why you can't order the Bill Levkoff as a custom order. I'm in a wedding this summer and the bride picked a Bill Levkoff specifically because of the varying sizes of her bridesmaids. One girl is overweight, with a HUGE bust. She managed to order one, I think it was a 22 or 24. I had to order an extra long one because I'm tall.

I would shop around...maybe the store doesn't know what they're doing.

solus sto posted 3/10/2014 16:17 PM

My matron of honor got pregnant shortly after I started planning my wedding. It didn't bother me even a little bit.

We had a dress made for her. Because it was different from the other bridesmaids', I made her MOH, but this was a long, LONG time ago. Today, I would have picked a color scheme and let ALL the bridesmaids choose a dress they liked in the same color. (My daughter was just in a wedding in which all the bridesmaids wore different dresses, in the same color. Except the MOH, who wore a different color. It was beautiful, and all the girls felt beautiful because they'd chosen dresses that flattered their bodies.)

Don't worry about being a problem for the bride. It's not likely she will feel that way.

OTOH, if you don't want to be in the wedding, you can use this as a valid reason to bow out. You'll need to be a little more assertive about it; it's not fair to expect the bride to "fire" you. You will have to say, "This isn't going to work out, I don't think."

Eranda posted 3/11/2014 04:06 AM

Most (or all) eveningwear companies- especially those that cater to weddings- will sell yardage of the fabrics their dresses come in. A good seamstress or tailor can copy the dress the bride has chosen and size it to fit you.

I did this when I got married and my 8 year old daughter was a bridesmaid- bought the fabric and made her a "little girl" version of the dress my adult bridesmaids wore. It worked out great.

Just an option.

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