The bride is very thin, and so are a bunch of her friends. She picked out a dress already, and some of the girls have already gone and gotten sized. I am large, and knew after shopping for my own wedding dress a year ago, and shopping for dresses in general- that dress shopping would be a problem. Sure enough- the dress she picked is a Bill Levkoff dress, that cannot be custom ordered and a material that is difficult to alter. In the largest available size, my bust is 8 inches too large to fit into that. If I was a few inches away from fitting in the waist or something, I would attempt to lose weight and deal with it- but I have always had large boobs, and it cannot promise or plan on losing that many inches in my bust. I talked to the lady about putting a corset back or something in- she said that would give me a few inches, but not eight.
I called and told her right away, and the lady at the bridal boutique gave the name of another dress designer who does have stuff more in sizes that would fit me, and customizable options.
I feel really bad, because I was a bride a year ago, and know how it is to have your heart set on how you want it to look. This girl has never had to shop for large boobs, and probably had no idea, and I feel badly being a problem. I told her that, and I told her that I don't want to ruin her wedding plans or look she wants. She was nice about it- I was half hoping she would kick be out for being too fat- and said she would look at other options and get back to me with a different dress that I can wear.
I don't know what to do. Has anyone else ever been in this situation or have any advice? This whole thing is very awkward and a disaster. I feel very bad for essentially making someone I am not even that close to switch up her whole wedding party attire because my boobs are too big.
"What did you expect? I am a scorpion."
I'm in a similar boat. My sister is getting married this summer and I'm in the bridal party. All of the other girls (including my sister) are short and thin. I'm tall (so I'll already be standing out like a sore thumb) and, while I'm not terribly overweight, I'm certainly thick-waisted and hard to dress.
My sister decided on mismatched dresses for the bridal party, as long as they were a similar shade AND the same fabric. Well, didn't she pick chiffon. Chiffon makes me look 8 months pregnant on a good day. I didn't say anything and did my best to find a dress I liked that only made my look second trimestery instead of ready to pop. She finally changed her mind and told us to look for "summer friendly fabrics". We were able to find a nice, structured dress with a lace overlay that looks really good on and that my sister loves.
Don't feel bad. Like Bee said, *she* should be the one who is apologizing to you.
When I was a bride, I know how different body types work and intentionally picked a dress for the girls that was easily altered and inexpensive and made out of really forgiving material.
But it's not my wedding. She should have thought of me and recognized that I was not going to fit into the same dresses her skinnier friends will fit into. She was understanding about it initially but I have talked to her later this afternoon and she is insisting on getting this dress. Already has her heart set. Is insisting that it will work, is sure we can alter it in some way- it's like she doesn't understand that there ISNT ENOUGH MATERIAL.
I've dropped hints politely about letting me go from the wedding party, and she won't budge. Apparently it is super important to her that I be in this wedding and I somehow squeeze myself into this particular dress. I'm frustrated beyond belief.
I have always been happy and confidant with my body, and accepted the larger frame and curves. Now, I feel like shit. So that's fun.
To top it off- my husband just doesn't get it. He doesn't understand how awkward this is, and how much this doesn't work. As a way to be supportive- he nicely asked if I wanted help with trying to lose weight, which made the whole situation even worse because the problem isn't my fat butt or stomach- it's my boobs, and I like my boobs.
Ugh! I just need to vent. Maybe we will find some crazy amazing alterations specialist who can snap her fingers and make it work- but I have a sickening feeling that anything we might be able to do is going to be very expensive. Maybe I need to put my foot down and just say no- although my husband is in the wedding, as is my daughter so that will just make the awkwardness worse.
Another option I've heard of a friend doing is buying two dresses and having a tailor take out the stitching and create side panels like NG mentioned. If you're having that level of alterations done, you could also potentially have other things done, like thicker straps, etc. to make it more flattering to your figure. You're going to need a very talented seamstress though, hopefully your daily go to tailor is good!
She may see this as you trying to get out of being in her wedding, rather then it actually be a logistical nightmare.
As a side note, this is why I picked the mix and match from Davids Bridal for my girls. I gave them the color it had to be, and they took it from there. They were all comfortable and i got my color....sorry she's not seeing this from your point of view.
(also as a soap box moment. I get that the wedding is THE day, but there are other people involved for crying out loud. I think that the 'well its her day' crap just pisses me off. Yeah, fine, its her day, but that doesnt mean that the bride can just walk all over people.)
I'm sorry that she didn't think of your needs when she picked out her dress. I went with all of my bridesmaids to try on dresses before choosing the dress they all said they liked the best. If they had said different dresses, I would have had mixed dresses. I want them to be comfortable.
It does suck. I love that the new trend is to have same/similar colors but different dresses. I hate when things are too matchy matchy.
What a frustrating situation.
I would shop around...maybe the store doesn't know what they're doing.
Trust is like paper. Once it's crumpled it can never be perfect again.
We had a dress made for her. Because it was different from the other bridesmaids', I made her MOH, but this was a long, LONG time ago. Today, I would have picked a color scheme and let ALL the bridesmaids choose a dress they liked in the same color. (My daughter was just in a wedding in which all the bridesmaids wore different dresses, in the same color. Except the MOH, who wore a different color. It was beautiful, and all the girls felt beautiful because they'd chosen dresses that flattered their bodies.)
Don't worry about being a problem for the bride. It's not likely she will feel that way.
OTOH, if you don't want to be in the wedding, you can use this as a valid reason to bow out. You'll need to be a little more assertive about it; it's not fair to expect the bride to "fire" you. You will have to say, "This isn't going to work out, I don't think."
I did this when I got married and my 8 year old daughter was a bridesmaid- bought the fabric and made her a "little girl" version of the dress my adult bridesmaids wore. It worked out great.
Just an option.