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Newest Member: WishingINeverLooked

New Beginnings :
After 2 years on old...

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 cmego (original poster member #30346) posted at 11:41 PM on Sunday, March 9th, 2014

After two years of on/off on OLD, and about 10 dates…I finally met a really.good.man.

Over 6 weeks ago, on a fluke, I went on OKC and looked around, saw a cute man with some depth to his profile and sent a quick message. I had no photo on my profile but he responded anyway.

I had the best first date I'd ever had and posted here.

He didn't kiss me until the 3rd date. I asked him why he responded to a message from someone without a photo, and he said, "I took a chance."

We are now past the 7th date and are planning on continuing.

There are some major challenges on the horizon, mainly that he is moving about 2 hours away, and is going to be deployed in the very near future. We have decided…to at least try.

From the first date, I could tell that this was different. He is mostly healed (also a BS), the dates progressed normally. He is over 3 years out from D. We have been honest in our communication and only very minor communication issues we have worked out. Nothing has been too rushed or too slow. We have communication of some sort every day. Some just a text saying hi, sometimes a 2 hour phone call, then at least one or two long dates each week.

We do talk about our past (his ww was in a LTA), but it is more of "yeah…I know how that feels", but we don't "bond over the pain".

NORMAL. It has been blissfully normal. There has been easy talks of monogamy, of what we are looking for, where we are headed in life. We are very similar people with similar outlooks on life.

I don't know if we will survive the deployment…and we are both going in knowing it won't be the easiest, but he is worth trying.

me...BS, 46 years old.
Divorced

posts: 4745   ·   registered: Dec. 9th, 2010   ·   location: South
id 6716908
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nowiknow23 ( member #33226) posted at 11:47 PM on Sunday, March 9th, 2014

Awwww.

You can call me NIK

And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane

posts: 40250   ·   registered: Aug. 29th, 2011
id 6716915
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persevere ( member #31468) posted at 11:52 PM on Sunday, March 9th, 2014

Great news cmego, so happy for you.

DDay:2011
Status: D 2011
Remarried to a kind and wonderful man - 2017

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K.

posts: 5329   ·   registered: Mar. 9th, 2011
id 6716918
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jo2love ( member #31528) posted at 11:58 PM on Sunday, March 9th, 2014

posts: 51035   ·   registered: Mar. 16th, 2011
id 6716922
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Williesmom ( member #22870) posted at 12:20 AM on Monday, March 10th, 2014

Yay!

You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

posts: 9299   ·   registered: Feb. 15th, 2009   ·   location: Western PA
id 6716942
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risingfromashes ( member #3903) posted at 12:51 AM on Monday, March 10th, 2014

Awesome!

posts: 2148   ·   registered: Mar. 29th, 2004
id 6716978
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homewrecked2011 ( member #34678) posted at 1:21 AM on Monday, March 10th, 2014

YAY!!!!

Sometimes He calms the storm. Sometimes He lets the storm rage, but calms His child. Dday 12/19/11I went to an attorney and had him served. Shocked the hell out of him, with D papers, I'm proud to say!D final10/30/2012Me-55

posts: 5513   ·   registered: Jan. 30th, 2012
id 6717016
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I.will.survive ( member #34677) posted at 1:23 AM on Monday, March 10th, 2014

Enjoy this phase because it is and should be WONDERFUL!!

posts: 1722   ·   registered: Jan. 30th, 2012   ·   location: east coast
id 6717019
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Tripletrouble ( member #39169) posted at 2:04 AM on Monday, March 10th, 2014

Yay! So happy for you! Soak it up, it's the best feeling.

40 somethings - me BW after 20 years
D Day April 2013
Divorced November 2013
Happily remarried 2018
Time is a great healer but a terrible beautician.

posts: 1175   ·   registered: May. 3rd, 2013
id 6717056
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tryingagain74 ( member #33698) posted at 2:30 AM on Monday, March 10th, 2014

FBS; now happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

posts: 4079   ·   registered: Oct. 22nd, 2011
id 6717083
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FaithFool ( member #20150) posted at 3:29 AM on Monday, March 10th, 2014

Spring is in the air...

DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

posts: 21593   ·   registered: Jul. 7th, 2008   ·   location: Canada
id 6717143
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FlySomeday ( member #35150) posted at 4:42 AM on Monday, March 10th, 2014

WOW CMEGO! You totally give me hope. Soooo sooo happy for you. The connection thing is so hard to find. I'm glad it is out there. Thrilled for you.

Fly

Digging Deep in the Mud

posts: 235   ·   registered: Mar. 26th, 2012   ·   location: Virginia
id 6717222
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wildbananas ( member #10552) posted at 5:11 AM on Monday, March 10th, 2014

Aw, this just makes me smile like a loon.

Happy for you.

Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

posts: 16592   ·   registered: May. 1st, 2006   ·   location: Somewhere
id 6717257
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Amazonia ( member #32810) posted at 12:41 PM on Monday, March 10th, 2014

LDRs can work if you work at them.

"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

posts: 14469   ·   registered: Jul. 17th, 2011
id 6717402
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MelisssaZZZ ( member #25953) posted at 12:51 PM on Monday, March 10th, 2014

this is wonderful :) :)!

Me BS - 40
WH 42
1 child - 9y
married 5 yrs, together 7
DD1 midmarch 09
DD2 early june 09
some more DD's of course - cannot bother to list

Status: Divorced Oct 2011

Him: not with OW anymore. She grew up and ditched him..

posts: 1669   ·   registered: Oct. 23rd, 2009   ·   location: London, UK
id 6717409
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thebighurt ( member #34722) posted at 1:05 PM on Monday, March 10th, 2014

Happy, happy post! Made me .

Finding what life could have been....... Why didn't I see it?

posts: 5033   ·   registered: Feb. 3rd, 2012   ·   location: the Other Side
id 6717419
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little turtle ( member #15584) posted at 1:42 PM on Monday, March 10th, 2014

I'm so happy for you!! How long will he be deployed? I was hoping there was more to the story when you were posting about this guy... glad to hear that it's going great!

Failure is success if we learn from it.

posts: 5648   ·   registered: Aug. 1st, 2007   ·   location: michigan
id 6717441
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 cmego (original poster member #30346) posted at 3:20 PM on Monday, March 10th, 2014

He will be deployed for his job, he is former military and now works for government contractors. The deployment will probably be 6 months and a dangerous location. But, I understand this is a necessary move for both his current career and future employment opportunities.

He is struggling a little because he hasn't been deployed since he was a father, and struggling a little with the frustration (we have all felt) that his exww "caused" this place in his life, but he seems to be working through it. Meeting me is weighing on him, that either of us at any time can decide that we can't handle the distance.

Having 2 or 3 months together…then deployed for 6? It is barely enough time to even begin to know each other. And we only see each other about 1 per week now, and when he moves for the job, we will probably be down to e/o weekend due to custody schedules.

We did discuss how people met in war times, WWI and WWII, would meet, get married, and the man would leave for years. I know my grandparents did that too…so we know this is not impossible. With technology, we can stay connected.

I know very little about the mental ramifications of what it is like to be deployed into a war zone…and he will be missing his dd terribly, and worried that I am handling the distance…and in a war zone.

All I know is this man is a good, good man. We get along easily, he has most of the qualities I look for in a partner.

The timing sucks. It is just all unknown. Just have to wait and see.

It took a long time to find a good man on OLD. What I don't know is if the first date was "easy" because he was a good fit, or if it was a good first date because we are both "mostly" healed BS's?? I don't know. I just know I walked away from the first date knowing I had a good time and met a good person. If I had met him 3 years ago…I wouldn't have handled some of the issues we have already hit as well as I handle them NOW.

With the deployment looming, we know we are having to talk/face issues earlier than we should in a "normal" relationship. Having to face a difficult time early may kill it, and we both know that.

I didn't want to post, because I don't want to "jinx" how things are going, but I decided that I wanted to share there IS hope out there. If we don't survive, then I will feel better knowing it isn't impossible to meet good people on old.

me...BS, 46 years old.
Divorced

posts: 4745   ·   registered: Dec. 9th, 2010   ·   location: South
id 6717543
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k94ever ( member #11176) posted at 3:34 PM on Monday, March 10th, 2014

You have technology working for you.

Yes....it's still 6 months away and in a dangerous place. But he will be able to text (not everyday but at least once a week or so) and sometimes even Skype.

Think of the families doing this for a year or more. 6 months you can do standing on one leg.

You can do this.

k9

BS:61
WS: 53
Betrayed: 24 years
Affairs: 15 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.

posts: 7747   ·   registered: Jul. 3rd, 2006   ·   location: Wisconsin
id 6717561
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better4me ( member #30341) posted at 3:46 PM on Monday, March 10th, 2014

You can do this.

Yep. Agreed. It will take some effort, but what important things don't take effort? Very dang few.

Happy, happy, happy for you. Want to send some OLD mojo my way now??

DDay 11/17/2010 BW:58
Happily remarried!

posts: 4246   ·   registered: Dec. 9th, 2010   ·   location: Missouri
id 6717581
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