Over 6 weeks ago, on a fluke, I went on OKC and looked around, saw a cute man with some depth to his profile and sent a quick message. I had no photo on my profile but he responded anyway.
I had the best first date I'd ever had and posted here.
He didn't kiss me until the 3rd date. I asked him why he responded to a message from someone without a photo, and he said, "I took a chance."
We are now past the 7th date and are planning on continuing.
There are some major challenges on the horizon, mainly that he is moving about 2 hours away, and is going to be deployed in the very near future. We have decided…to at least try.
From the first date, I could tell that this was different. He is mostly healed (also a BS), the dates progressed normally. He is over 3 years out from D. We have been honest in our communication and only very minor communication issues we have worked out. Nothing has been too rushed or too slow. We have communication of some sort every day. Some just a text saying hi, sometimes a 2 hour phone call, then at least one or two long dates each week.
We do talk about our past (his ww was in a LTA), but it is more of "yeah…I know how that feels", but we don't "bond over the pain".
NORMAL. It has been blissfully normal. There has been easy talks of monogamy, of what we are looking for, where we are headed in life. We are very similar people with similar outlooks on life.
I don't know if we will survive the deployment…and we are both going in knowing it won't be the easiest, but he is worth trying.
“The most difficult times for many of us are the ones we give ourselves.” ― Pema Chödrön
DDay:2011 Status: D 2011
Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron
It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities. - J. K. Rowling
me BS 52 him - 46 married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12 children - ds15 ds12 d-day 12-19-11 I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day Divorce filed
Fly
Happy for you.
LDRs can work if you work at them.
He is struggling a little because he hasn't been deployed since he was a father, and struggling a little with the frustration (we have all felt) that his exww "caused" this place in his life, but he seems to be working through it. Meeting me is weighing on him, that either of us at any time can decide that we can't handle the distance.
Having 2 or 3 months together…then deployed for 6? It is barely enough time to even begin to know each other. And we only see each other about 1 per week now, and when he moves for the job, we will probably be down to e/o weekend due to custody schedules.
We did discuss how people met in war times, WWI and WWII, would meet, get married, and the man would leave for years. I know my grandparents did that too…so we know this is not impossible. With technology, we can stay connected.
I know very little about the mental ramifications of what it is like to be deployed into a war zone…and he will be missing his dd terribly, and worried that I am handling the distance…and in a war zone.
All I know is this man is a good, good man. We get along easily, he has most of the qualities I look for in a partner.
The timing sucks. It is just all unknown. Just have to wait and see.
It took a long time to find a good man on OLD. What I don't know is if the first date was "easy" because he was a good fit, or if it was a good first date because we are both "mostly" healed BS's?? I don't know. I just know I walked away from the first date knowing I had a good time and met a good person. If I had met him 3 years ago…I wouldn't have handled some of the issues we have already hit as well as I handle them NOW.
With the deployment looming, we know we are having to talk/face issues earlier than we should in a "normal" relationship. Having to face a difficult time early may kill it, and we both know that.
I didn't want to post, because I don't want to "jinx" how things are going, but I decided that I wanted to share there IS hope out there. If we don't survive, then I will feel better knowing it isn't impossible to meet good people on old.
Yes....it's still 6 months away and in a dangerous place. But he will be able to text (not everyday but at least once a week or so) and sometimes even Skype.
Think of the families doing this for a year or more. 6 months you can do standing on one leg.
You can do this.
k9
Happy, happy, happy for you. Want to send some OLD mojo my way now??
