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Sleepy312 posted 3/10/2014 09:27 AM

after all this time he is looking for information and signed up as trying to fix it. No posts but when I acted nice yesterday after not speaking to him other than texts for three days he said he was confused.

not sure if he can actually help himself because up until now he hasn't been able to do so but he's never thought anything about himself was broken or wrong. he's always had this personal opinion that he's better than everyone, smarter than everyone but when I would say something about it he would try to ignore it.

yea, snooping is how I found the information, but snooping is how I found out he was screwing someone else. I need this hamster wheel to stop and have someone escort me off because I clearly can't do it myself.

deena04 posted 3/10/2014 10:51 AM

180 him and fast. If he doesn't see anything wrong, he is not being remorseful or what you need or deserve. You deserve a wonderful spouse that can heal and help you heal. Good luck!!

Sleepy312 posted 3/11/2014 08:14 AM

He hasn't admitted to finding a site nor has he posted, but yet again another argument last night. I think I did a pretty good job of 180 since the last "conversation" 9 days ago, but like I told him last much longer am I supposed to stay on this ride waiting for others(him and his family) to do the right thing. For anyone reading this his family is now part of the equation because he chose to move us to his hometown, ignoring my requests on where we move and his mother has proven to be insanely toxic in just a few short months to the point that I refuse to see her, and the kids aren't allowed at their house unless it's an absolute neccesstiy like when I was out of town and we have no babysitters for after school(or at all) becaue H wouldn't allow it because "we have family". Great a MIL who refuses to give a child medicine when they ask and has serious allergies one being MIL's dogs.

7yrsflushed posted 3/11/2014 08:32 AM

but like I told him last much longer am I supposed to stay on this ride waiting for others(him and his family) to do the right thing.
Hi Sleepy. I say this from experience, you will be on the ride forever if you are waiting for soemone else to act. You can't control your WH or his family. The only thing you can control is yourself. You can choose to get off the ride and yes it's more like hitting an eject button. There isn't always a smooth transition but once you are off the world stops spinning eventually. Keep at the 180 and have ZERO expectations for your WH and his family. You can control where your life and your children's life goes from here. If you haven't go see a lawyer and understand your rights. The 180 isn't done to turn your WH around it's done to get you to a good place so you can make decisions. Sometimes it wakes a WS's up a bit but it doesn't mean they are actually doing the work. That's a side effect of the 180. Think of it as a child that ignores a toy but when you take the toy away they suddenly want to play with it again. Often, they are doing just enough to drag you back in. That's why it's consistent actions over a very long time that you want to watch for. You shouldn't have to check to see if your WH is signed up and seeking help. If he was serious about changing he would be activiely bringing that info TO YOU. I wish you the best. Keep taking care of you and your kids.

Sleepy312 posted 3/11/2014 08:51 AM

Thanks for the rsponse because I'm angr and confused. He tried to tell me last night that all he's done is try to do things for me like...clean up around the house, bring home flowers, put laundry away.

Well, imo, those are things a "partner" should be doing anyway not doing them as a way of winning me back. He's that freaking clueless.

As for his mother his comment last night was that it was unfortuante that I was up here(top of a hill) at my breaking point with his family when they were down here(in the valley) starteing to "get it" that they can't babysit my kids and override my choices as a parent.

That isn't coming to an understanding in my pov. That's flat out saying that they disapprove of how I parent, and allowing my child benadryl and zyrtec is clearly the juice of the devil in my MIL's eyes.

I just can't live like this but getting out isn't going to be easy. I need to talk to an attorney where we used to live. I feel like a live in a trapped cage. Well, I do. I can't live my life the way I'd like to live it.

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