rachelc - I get it, I really do and and I realize it doesn't take away an ounce of your pain.
I read the post and a few of the replies and then I just had to stop reading. I understand vents. Hell, LF still breaks down and rants at me at times. I get really do feel LF's pain in my heart and soul daily as I face the fact that my hard won understanding comes only at the price of pain which she has to endure and live with.
But honestly, while vents sometime serve to remind me of my horrible actions and strengthen my commitment to my marriage and therefore are supportive of healing, they also trigger waves of shame and guilt. And sometimes, I have to take a breather from that. And when I do, I feel guilty because I also know that LF and all of the other BS's also wish that they could take a breather from their pain too.
Unfortunately, life doesn't run on wishes and wants.
I know that healing from the affair is a very personal journey and I appreciate that sometimes venting is part of that process. My hope for all of the BS community is that venting their anger eventually allows our BS's a path to release the pain within and find some peace.
Nothing is fair in this world. You might as well get that straight right now - Sue Monk Kidd