"You can survive this. Talk to others that have"

castellana posted 3/10/2014 14:22 PM

I'm looking at a serious haircut (which I needed even before WH affair) and needing to get new clothes since I've lost (too much already) weight. I also find myself wanting to get a tattoo of a sledgehammer to remind myself to be strong. You would never pick me out of a lineup as a lady with a tattoo.

Has anyone else changed their look or gotten inked because of WS affair?

NeverAgain2013 posted 3/10/2014 14:54 PM

Not even for the love of sweet Jesus would I ever allow an inch of my skin to be inked. No thanks.

Actually, I've taken just the opposite approach and I've never done anything to change my looks or my routine after dealing with a lying cheater (done it more than once). For instance, I'd never consider taking anti-depressants to deal with the fallout because I see that as an admission to him that he has far too much control over me emotionally. I'd never give anyone that power or satisfaction.

Probably, the only thing I've changed after dealing with a cheater is where I live.

norabird posted 3/10/2014 14:58 PM

I am a big fan of haircuts, makovers etc. as a sort of nod to starting over. This is your clean break, and you can make your new life with a bold new haircut or even a tattoo if you so choose! I got a trim soon after my first DDay--begone, dead ends! It felt like a little personal gesture towards moving on. I do't see it as directed at the wayward but as an investment in yourself and your own happiness.

I'm sure you'll look great with a sledghammer if you go that route

Newme123 posted 3/10/2014 15:01 PM

I did go out and get a new cut and color after d day. But please rehink the tattoo. Everything is so fresh and raw right now but in the future when you have moved past this, and you will, either with or without your wh, you don't want to have a permanent trigger and reminder of the pain you are in tattooed on your body.

Merlin posted 3/10/2014 15:03 PM

She's gained about 30 pounds, dresses like a slob and swears like a truck driver.

Classy!

P.S. Her tattoo is a doozy.

[This message edited by Merlin at 3:04 PM, March 10th (Monday)]

4everfaithful83 posted 3/10/2014 15:13 PM

I'm all for the haircut! Do it! It can really boost your self esteem! I'd wait on the tattoo though! I have 5 tattoos and I can tell you that its definitely not something you want to do without thinking about it for a longggggg time! If you still want it in a year, then get it!

StorybookGirl42 posted 3/10/2014 15:15 PM

I got a drastic haircut in the midst of the situation where I knew he was cheating but he wouldn't come clean with me. HORRIBLE MISTAKE.

I hated that cut. Blech

nowiknow23 posted 3/10/2014 15:17 PM

I did a few things that seemed radical to me at the time, but thankfully hair grows back.

I also find myself wanting to get a tattoo of a sledgehammer to remind myself to be strong.

That's very strong imagery! I've heard advice for those considering a tattoo that they should print the image out and tape it somewhere you will see it every day. If after 6 months of "living with" it you still want it, then go ahead. Another person suggested giving yourself a temporary tattoo of it - same size and placement - and wear it around for a while. Here are some instructions for diy temp tattoos -

http://www.wikihow.com/Create-Your-Own-Temporary-Tattoo

MissMovingOn posted 3/10/2014 15:37 PM

DDay 1 I bleached my hair blonde (from dark brown). It looked ridiculous and I dyed it back pretty quick. Didn't make any drastic changes after any of the other DDays until this past summer when WH moved out for the first time. I chopped my hair very short and got a tattoo down my spine. Oh and I started lifting weights. I've also lost 57lbs over the last year and a half, but that's only partly A aftermath related.

castellana posted 3/10/2014 16:10 PM

Actually maybe gaining 30 pounds, dressing like a slob and swearing like a truck driver might be the way to go! Perhaps add in chewing tobacco and switching from microbrew to Bud.

Being slim, athletic, well-dressed and groomed sure didn't stop the affair but maybe if I adopt a tougher look that'd help weed out any sissy losers who deal with their issues by cheating with other women.

tushnurse posted 3/10/2014 18:07 PM

I would certainly reconsider any permanent changes. I did get my hair whacked off when I was positive he was up to no good but had no proof.
Of course this was because H always wanted my hair long and I hated it. I finally wore it the way I wanted it.
It was definitely more of a F you than not.
Of course I have kept it short since. It's cute easy and what I like. It not his choice it's mine.

Gemini71 posted 3/10/2014 18:20 PM

Yep! Cut my hair, lightened it, bought new clothes, the works. The only reason I haven't gotten a tattoo of a mended broken heart is that I can't afford it. No regrets!

TheBestMe posted 3/10/2014 18:31 PM

I actually planned my exit strategy before the OW called me. Part of my plan was to regain my self respect and self confidence. For me, it meant losing weight, exercising and giving H the 180. There's something about finding my beotch boots that H finds very appealing.

Best part, I don't care if he likes it or not This is all for me "You've come a long way baby".

Castellana...hold off on any permanent body art for the time being.

inconnu posted 3/10/2014 19:28 PM

I bought new clothes, started wearing makeup again, and went to the hair salon a lot more often. But it was actually after now-ex left, and I was getting divorced that I made my biggest changed. I decided to embrace my inner redhead. It took me several times trying different reds, but I finally settled on one that I really like. And I've been a redhead ever since.

TrustedHer posted 3/10/2014 19:42 PM

NeverAgain said:

For instance, I'd never consider taking anti-depressants to deal with the fallout because I see that as an admission to him that he has far too much control over me emotionally. I'd never give anyone that power or satisfaction.

I understand this determination, and if it works for you, that's fine.

However...

Depression caused by trauma actually changes your brain chemistry. AD's can help, sometimes, if you're having trouble readjusting your brain chemistry on your own or via therapy.

I took AD's for about 18 months, and heavy counseling. The AD's helped settle me down so the counseling could work.

It's not about your WS. In fact, your WS doesn't need to know. It's about you, and helping your healing.

Skan posted 3/11/2014 13:27 PM

Funny enough, while his on-line porn use and slipping money to strippers was increasing, I went out and go the tatu that I had wanted for decades. After DDay, I cut all of my hair off, and I mean pixie-short, changed it's color (which is not uncommon for me), and started to buy myself GOOD clothing and lingerie vice thrift store and Costco shopping. Now I'm letting the hair go darker and longer again, which I like more, but I needed a drastic difference at the time so I went for it.

BTW, my favorite saying for a hammer image is, "You can be either the hammer or the anvil."

rachelc posted 3/11/2014 13:34 PM

My hubby, as a BS, went into his barber with a picture of Brad Pitt and asked for that haircut. Then he started lifting and became really buff. He looks great!

Me, as a BS, well, I got down to what I weighed in 7th grade, not good. But no major changes.

Rainbows posted 3/11/2014 14:32 PM

I changed my hair (lobbed off about 8 inches, lightened the color) and my clothing style. I feel like a different person and don't really gravitate toward the same clothes and accessories, even in my own closet.

I'm also thinking about getting a tattoo. I already have a very small, inconspicuous one that I barely notice anymore. I got it a few years ago after I came through some major life setbacks.

It's a positive image and reminds me of my strength and ability to overcome adversity. Before I got it, I used a sharpie to draw it on and kept redrawing it for a few days to see how it would look.

Now, I'm not sure what I would get other than I've always wanted a white tattoo. It's definitely not something to do impulsively since I like to research artists, imagery, etc.

AFrayedKnot posted 3/11/2014 14:38 PM

I got a tattoo and my nipple pierced.

I had been thinking about them for a couple years. The general "fuck it" feeling after dday push it over the edge.

castellana posted 3/11/2014 14:50 PM

LOL. I had to admit I've always wanted to go red too. I've rethought the tattoo thing, perhaps not a good idea at the moment. I'm now thinking of a set of Yosemite Sam mudflaps for the car. The kids will love them.

TheBestMe - what kind of beotch boots did you get?