Sorry that you are here. And while I know that you are devastated, you have to believe us when we tell you that it gets better.
It is unfathomable how our spouses can do this to the ones that they proclaim to love the most. But they do...just as your husband showed. His changing the passcode, and refusal to give it to you, is also very common---for an unremorseful person. It is good that you kicked him out. As much as it hurts, and as much as you may be second guessing yourself, please rest assured that you did the right thing. You are holding him accountable for his actions, and it is CRITICAL that you do not waver from your consequences. Letting him back in the house, without him openly complying to your needs, will only prolong your hurt. You have to realize and accept the real possibility that your husband might not give you important information....and be willing to leave the marriage instead of facing his actions. Will you accept that?
Don't settle for less than what you deserve---a caring, honest spouse, who will put your needs in front of his. If he isn't freely willing to do this, then you don't have much to work with. The 32 years together, regretfully, means absolutely nothing...besides a fair stake in divorce proceedings...if your husband doesn't treat you like you deserve.
His talk is just that---talk. It is his actions that will speak volumes, and unfortunately, is not positive. He is not remorseful.
Hopefully that will change.
Keep reading and posting. There is so much that you will learn here. Good luck.
2 boys-18 & 21(special needs)
Married 23yrs.(together 28yrs.)
All work and no play has just cost me my wife--Gary Puckett
Acceptance the Marriage is over: 7/2/14
Heading for D