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What if AP tried to contact fWH?

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Mommato5 posted 3/10/2014 18:56 PM

I am fairly certain that my fWH will be able to stick to our NC agreement. I am wondering however, if it is highly likely or highly unlikely for AP to try to contact him? They were "in luuuv" for 3+ months and have not had contact for over 3 weeks now. Should I be watching? Or can I relax?

MoonLitSmile posted 3/10/2014 18:58 PM

Keep watching. He may have every intention of sticking to NC, but slip ups happen. IMHO it's too soon to trust.
(((Mommato5)))

stunnedin12 posted 3/10/2014 21:12 PM

Keep watching.

Mommato5 posted 3/10/2014 21:22 PM

Is it fairly common or uncommon for her to try to contact him???

Tearsoflove posted 3/11/2014 01:38 AM

It depends on whether or not she believed he was in love with her and vice versa. It also depends on how firm his NC message to her was.

Sometimes, the OW believes the only reason he isn't speaking to her is because his mean old wife won't let him. Sometimes, the OW believes she can say the right thing to get him to come back to her. Sometimes, they don't make contact for a long time and then try again when they believe the storm has passed and sometimes they wait years and then think they can be friends. In my case, the first OW sent my husband a friend request on a social network five years after their last contact.

Attempts at contact are pretty common. If he is firm on NC, her attempts at contact won't matter. And if he's doing the right thing, he'll tell you about any attempts at contact so you can decide how best to handle them together.

annb posted 3/11/2014 06:12 AM

Despite my WH throwing AP under the bus on D-Day, and my forcing AP to tell her BS about the affair, AP continued to try to contact for almost one year. She would set up bogus e mail accounts using a fictitious name that was just enough for him to know it was her.

She would send an email without a message. Sort of a game to see if the emails would remind him of her, and he would just HAVE to contact her because they were in lurrrve.

He never took the bait.

If I were you, I'd continue to monitor all of his media until you feel safe. Doesn't mean she won't try to contact him sometime in the future. Be vigilant. You and WH need to come up with a plan on how to handle together if she does initiate contact. Work as a team.

whattheh posted 3/11/2014 10:55 AM

OW in our case emailed several times in a row using 2 email addresses about 6weeks after dDay. We took that opportunity to send a formal NC from my fWH with my approval. My fWH carefully worded it so as to not respond to anything in her email. She had to have the last word and responded to NC and that was last email so far. Yippee!

My fWH had kept NC after dDay and was relieved he no longer had to deal with stalker OW. He and I both told her on dDay to stop contacting us and stay away from us.

Then OW sent a linked in request about 8months after dDay. I just reported her invitation as spam and deleted it. And I changed both our profiles to be non public viewing.

Fingers crossed she is gone for good but we still have our guard up.

[This message edited by whattheh at 10:57 AM, March 11th (Tuesday)]

TheBestMe posted 3/11/2014 11:00 AM

As far as I know there had been NC for about 10 months. Even though I had blocked her from my FB, she was able to stalk me by using another FB account. I usually do not post pictures, but recently I have been. When she saw on my timeline that H and I were happy, she went ballistic.

Cray cray... she blew up his cell. When he did not answer, she called his work cell phone. He claims it was in error that he answered his work cell. But, that contact created a s--t storm. She continued to try and contact him and he ignored her. I read a text in which she wrote "WH you continue to hang up on me".

My H asked me on DD to block her from his cell. I chose not to because as far as I am concerned, he has to prove to me that A is over. You see, in the past they had gone underground. My coward was trying to end the A and told her that I had a PI and had the texts and e mails. So AP bought him a cell phone.

Keep your eyes and ears open.

Lovedyoumore posted 3/11/2014 11:04 AM

OW did not go away and did not honor NC. She emailed(I had all emails diverted to me), she texted, she brought notes and gifts to receptionist, left notes at his office door after hours and weekends, and showed up where we were in public places. It was hell.

Keep your eyes open.

ReunitePangea posted 3/11/2014 11:27 AM

Is it fairly common or uncommon for her to try to contact him???

You will find plenty to examples both ways on SI - some try to contact, some go away forever.

My WW's AP that she had for 12+ years went away after NC. I have double checked and I am 99.9% certain there has been no contact.

I did put an expectation on my WW that if he does ever try on any attempt she has no more than one hour to tell me. I told her I do not care if she has to drive to my work because I am in a meeting and not taking calls to tell me. That way there is no thinking about it. No wondering if a simple fishing attempt qualifies. If he tries to contact, she will tell me immediately and we will work together to decide what we will do about it. Having that expectation gives me some peace of mind.

NeverAgain2013 posted 3/11/2014 11:38 AM

I fondly refer to them as 'fishing expeditions.' They throw out the line with the bait on it and wait to see if anything bites.

Fat ass tried to text my now ex on his birthday but found out she'd been blocked. The pitiful desperado then sent her message via email instead, where I easily found it as he always had his email up and open on his computer (and that's where I paid all the bills from).

I replied to her, telling her that her fat ass was now being blocked from his email as well, since she was too damned stupid to comprehend the 3 little words, "don't contact him."

Don't be surprised one day when out of the blue, there's a sudden fishing line bobbing in the water.

hopingforhappy posted 3/11/2014 12:35 PM

OW tried, on and off, for eight months to get a reaction out of my FWH. She was really pissed off the day he answered the phone, found her on the other end and promptly hung up! (She would use those spooftel apps to make it look like another phone number on caller id). She was so used to having him on a string, for all of the time that she was threatening to out the A. She didn't realize that once she outed it (and FWH threw her under the bus), that she would no longer have any power over him. She tried, but failed. It takes them a while sometimes to realize that the fog has lifted. This is why NC is so important. Any little reinforcement sends them into overdrive again.

bionicgal posted 3/11/2014 12:49 PM

We've had a few little things - an email & an email through a friend in the early days, her checking him out on LinkedIn, her showing up at the gym when she knew we'd be there, and then zooming past us on a road to make sure we saw her. All pretty mild, and just helped cement my H's view of her.

I think she is on good behavior b/c she was on thin ice with the OBS. If and when their marriage fails, I will worry a little more. I also worry a little about the affair season, which is coming up, and I worry that word might get to her when he is out of town. H maintains he feels nothing positive for her anymore, just ambivalence and a little disgust, so I am hopeful.

bionicgal posted 3/11/2014 13:03 PM

P.S. What seemed to work for us is when AP contacted my H, he told me, and I either contacted her directly, her H, or both.

She got the message pretty fast.

inthedark14 posted 3/12/2014 02:33 AM

Absolutely keep watching,after my WH sent NC text in front of me ,she texted him about 1 month later! he told her he fucked up it was over etc etc! and she still had the nerve to txt him and call him babe. I believe the AP thinks they actually have power to say the right thing to get our WS bak, I mean after all they got our spouses behind our backs in the first place so in their minds they had power over us

LivinginLimbo posted 3/12/2014 07:57 AM

You're right at the point where we were when the AP sent "Forever is going to be hard, when three weeks is this long. I hope you're doing okay. xo" I saw the text first and called hoping to get her. Instead, I left a voicemail that included every version of whore there is.

Not a surprise, she didn't stop. For 15 months she'd send FWH emails/texts/IM's. He never responded. When we figured out how to block her cell, she simply got another one to text from. At that point, we went to an attorney who prepared a letter warning her that any further contact would result in her arrest. It finally did the trick.

I hope you're rid of her for good, but as others have stated, they can be persistent little sluts.

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