Good to find this site, and great to find other peoples stories which have helped a lot. Where to start...
Wife is currently seeing married man number 2, this ones wife does not know. On Valentine's day 2011 I came back from a week working away and found out why my hair had fallen out, and why nothing made any sense - she had been seeing the abusive copper (police) for 7 months - they used our daughters' friendship as a shield - and he proceeded to check records, bully and attempt to imcriminate me. His wife (also police) had caught them - and my wife was resentful that her affair was over...she wanted time to mourn. The details were not pretty. I've never been anxious about my ability to please in the bedroom, but it has rocked my confidence. From taking me, unwitting to Ann Summers to help her pick an outfit for him ( a basque), to saying "With him it was making love, we just have good sex", to the nature of that sex - which let's just say that most girls are not terribly keen on it. And 3 months until the end of my degree. Boom.
I got the degree, we talked, and with a small kid (4) that we had both cared for fairly equally I thought it was worth a try. But I had a huge breakdown and recovered slowly - a but like PTSD. It took a year, but I started teacher training, very intensive, - but soon signs were wrong again, this time I knew what it looked like - but I couldn't believe she'd to it again, I'd said divorce me first, for the love of God. I left the course, I just couldn't cope. She asked for divorce and refused to discuss our marriage. After 3 months of doing the house up to sell and sleeping in the spare room, with her welded to her mobile phone, that lies took on ridiculous proportions - she swore on her daughters life that she wastn't shagging this man.
She had the idea that she'd move with daughter to a new town, new school in the village this guy lives in. NO! It came out.finally - nothing to say, walk away.
5 months ago I found somewhere, I fought like a tiger for primary care of our daughter, covered my back and I started the divorce paperwork, keeping it quick and blame free. Only a fortnight until absolute now. It's been hard, and she's tried to keep her claws in, but life is simple and improving. All of our mutual friends turned out to be her friends, and her family did not reciprocate with a single Xmas card. Very isolated, but getting better quickly. I can tell from the Ann Summers bag I saw when I picked my daughter up that she's working hard to keep this one too. Good luck.
His wife still doesn't know, and I feel for her, because I think she should have the chance to protect herself and her family. Perhaps I should find and tell her- I've narrowed it down to two families. I also think that he will go back to his wife, begging bowl in hand and my ex will have sweet FA.
Daughter is happy here, and is finally getting on better at her mum's. It's been hard on her but no obvious major trauma, mission accomplished. Except I feel like shit a lot of the time, but I have times now when I'm not thinking about it all the time.
Had to get that off my chest. I know I wasn't blameless in our marriage breaking down, but I did not deserve that! To all those whose wounds are fresh: hang in there, it gets easier, one day at a time. And if you decide to try in your marriage: watch them like a hawk! Thanks.x
