how do you express your gratitude to your BS?
One thing I have learned about myself is that I have lived most of my life in a careless way. By that I mean, I am the messy person in the relationship. It's not because I lack the ability to be tidy, I just didn't prioritize it. Or, I would notice that the toilet paper needed replacing, but would forget when I left the bathroom because my BH would always get around to it. That wasn't the direct thinking, but ultimately subconsciously it's where my brain went. It's something I have already begun the work to change, but is by no means something I have changed. The small things I do to show daily gratitude:
* I get home from work earlier than he does, so I use that time to do dishes, plan dinner, other small chores that we share for daily home maintenance. I don't always do all of them - for instance no dishes to do today- but I make sure to do something that is not an assigned his chore or her chore.
* I find ways to say thank you in an explicit outwardly way. I went out of town recently and my BH jumped through a bunch of hoops to make sure the car I took was safe for the amount of driving I had to do. So I took it to Facebook.
* Another suggestion I've heard is keeping a gratitude journal that your BS can read any time they want. I like this idea, but haven't used it for this purpose.
* Sending silly texts/picture throughout the day. Checking in randomly to let him know I'm thinking about him.
* Making sure to thank him in real time as he is doing things that are nice for me. I need to continue to make sure that he hears me acknowledge the amazing things he does for me. AND, I have to let him know when I appreciate something about him.
* leaving little surprise notes around the house.
* making sure we have his favorite breakfast food in stock in the fridge.
I agree that saying the words can feel repetitive and silly. But I know that the repetition is important for him to see my sincerity. But as rachelc said, it's the little unexpected things. I sent him a delivery at work one day when he was having a hard day. It put a smile on his face and made him feel cared about. I make his bed every morning because that is one of his favorite things about going on vacation.
Neznayou think about how your BS expresses love and gratitude to you. My BH is always finding little things he thinks I will like. He sends me articles, funny pictures, buys me unexpected presents... He takes care to make sure that when I've been careless with something I value he protects it for me. I'm now doing the same thing, but for him. I'm taking the time to be more attentive to my life.
I am by no means perfect at this, but it is something I am being very careful about remembering. I am beyond grateful to my BH. He is my best friend and my greatest champion. He has always believed in me, and my ability to be the best version of me. Maybe a little less so right now because I've behaved like a royal fool, but he still encourages me to go after my positive goals. He's still giving me the gift of a chance at R.