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Anyone else have this positive side effect to separation?

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PaperRing posted 3/11/2014 05:01 AM

I've suffered from depression since post partum with things getting worse around the time I discovered my husband's town-wide promiscuity 8 years ago

The first week after separation this month were the hardest ever but at the same time I started to notice an upswing on my mood. Even tho feeling like the last 12 years of my life were a lie, I can't say I feel very depressed. I'm sleeping less, waking up super early and getting things done. My happy moments are the happiest I've been in years.

Maybe having to live under the shroud of infidelity took its toll on me.

[This message edited by PaperRing at 5:02 AM, March 11th (Tuesday)]

notmychoice posted 3/11/2014 06:22 AM

I too suffered from depression during my marriage. Nothing major but it was always 'there'. Someone just told me last night 'you deserve to be happy' and I realized, I am! Even though I had a pretty good marriage until the dday, and I never wanted to get a divorce, I am in a good place right now. Yes, I am still on medication but I was all throughout the marriage. I wonder myself if my stbx was a contributing factor to my depression even though I thought I was have a pretty good life.

nekorb posted 3/11/2014 06:30 AM

My IC has said she thinks that when WH moves out, D is final, and life is establishing its new norm I'm going to go:

Deep breath >sigh>this feels pretty good

Idk as though I totally believe her yet.

thebighurt posted 3/11/2014 07:27 AM

While M, xpos would tell me I didn't smile enough. That I only smiled when we did things with the kids and grandkids. Now, people tell me I smile all.the.time!

I don't even realize it, but people smile at me; even people who had a sour look on their faces when I first saw them. They smile and start conversations with me and act cheerful. And I realize that it's in response to my huge smile!! I even got called out by the TSA for it!! Who knew smiling too much could get you in trouble with the TSA??

Yes, without being aware of it then, I was quite depressed when dealing with xpos, who I now know is very controlling, PA, SA, BPD, borderline NPD, and most likely a sociopath (all according to two psychologists), and most likely did attempt to kill me and DD according to one of them. Add that to what I already did know; that he is very angry, negative, conflict avoidant, and has huge road rage, with huge FOO issues he refuses to deal with, and I found that I was mentally, emotionally and verbally abused the whole M and had Stockholm Syndrome. Why wouldn't I have been depressed?

stronger08 posted 3/11/2014 07:48 AM

My IC informed me that most afflictions are a result of an underlying issue. I happen to adhere to that theory. Once said issue has been dealt with and removed healing starts. I know for me once I got away from my XW I started to think differently, I stopped excessively drinking and my outlook on life became better. It did not happen overnight, but slowly and surely things got better and I became stronger. Its been many years since I split from my XW and when I see people I have not seen in years I have been told I'm a totally different guy. Happier, look better, fun to be around etc. So I personally can attest to what your feeling.

oldandtiredout posted 3/11/2014 07:49 AM

Though I still have anxiety, and he estranged me from our kids it is a relief not to be living a lie. After he cheated it all felt so 'fake'. He would propose vacations, bring me flowers, go through the motions, and all I could think of was that he did that and more for his OW. So it meant nothing and was depressing to get his gifts etc.

So as painful as this life is now, it feels real.

Living with an N and cheater is like sleep walking.

7yrsflushed posted 3/11/2014 07:58 AM

The first week after separation this month were the hardest ever but at the same time I started to notice an upswing on my mood.
Absolutely! I didn't suffer from depression but it's amazing how once the toxic person is gone from your life how quickly you realize they were in fact the cause of MANY if not all of the problems you had. It's much easier to live, love, prosper, enjoy life, enjoy your kids, or deal with adversity, when you don't have dead weight chained around your neck dragging you down. It's like I spent the entire years of my M with a governor on my engine and now that stbxww is gone I can finally open it up full throttle and live for the first time in years. The crazy part is the sadness and craziness that they bring into your life happened so slowly over time for some of us, myslef included, we never realized it happened until they are gone and we come out of it. They always were the weak link in the chain but it takes getting rid of them to realize it.

Phoenix1 posted 3/11/2014 09:40 AM

Most definitely! After getting out of my toxic marriage I am almost always in a good mood now, compared to the opposite any time I was around XPOS. It is to the point that my kids ask jokingly what I am smoking or, "Who are you and what have you done with my mom?"

SBB posted 3/11/2014 09:48 AM

Depression is no laughing matter but I laughed out loud when I first saw this on FB.

I too walked around in a depressed fog for the last few years of that M. Turns out it was arsehole.

Ignoring your gut is crazy making. Gaslighting is crazy making.

Freedom is a cure for arsehole.

peacelovetea posted 3/11/2014 10:07 AM

I had considered myself quite happily married and my ex truly is not the kind of NPD asshole that so many of you have to deal with. His ONS was a bumbling error borne of too much alcohol and shitty boundaries, and the aftermath was too emotionally taxing for his coping mechanisms, but we had and have a decent relationship really.

That said, as soon as he moved out, most of my generalized anxiety disappeared, and weird seemingly completely unrelated things also went away, like my phobia of driving on the highway. Its been amazing.

Our bodies know more than our minds do sometimes.

dmari posted 3/11/2014 12:21 PM

So good to hear there is a lift in your depression! I think you nailed it when you said that living with infidelity took it's toll.

I don't suffer from depression but when my stbx left, it's like everything got lighter in the house. The mood, the energy. It was weird for the house to be so peaceful during the worst moment in my life.

Artemisia posted 3/11/2014 12:50 PM

Yes. I agree with all of you - I wish I'd listened to the signs my body was giving me that something was wrong. If I read my journal, it was a never-ending stream of, "is this what life is?" for years.

Now, that feeling has gone away. Granted, I'm on ADs for the first time, so who the heck knows.

But, I have to say this thread reminds me of the "what if he is better off without me" thread going on concurrently. I think about that a lot. He IS probably better off, in his opinion. So what if he is? We in this thread (and probably all of us) are better off without THEM. What's more important?

chessbug posted 3/11/2014 16:45 PM

I have 2 things to add:

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