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Jennifer99 posted 3/11/2014 09:44 AM

Honest to pete I feel like I'm stupid and slow.

D filed and served 3/1. Its 3/11.

Since then he has:

*ignored me
*mocked me
*tried to get ds to gang up on me (and my oh so wise 11yo just rolled his eyes, laughed and said "shut up").
*threatened to "cost me my job"
*keeps reminding me how much it will suck to not see my son some days for shared custody
*told me he now knows he isn't the baby's daddy for my pregnancy (not true)
*begged for me to talk to him some more
*asked me for $3k to start his business so he doesn't have to go and work 60-70 hours a week "to survive" and never see his son
*started hinting about me getting arrested for doing something stupid to OW (I've done NOTHING to her in 2 years since 1st dday and current issues driving the divorce aren't even ABOUT her)
*is talking about moving wherever I move because he knows I want nothing more than to be away from him

He waffles from being a visitation only dad to shared custody to I suck as a mom and he should have full custody (then realizes the responsibility that entails).

Some of this all goes on in 1 day!
Ex since 8:20am this morning we've gone round about him moving wherever I move, him trying to get the 60hr a week job so I'll stay here and he'll still take care of me just from his own place to he needs 3k$ to start a biz so he can work AND see his son (FYI - I work 50-60 hrs per week and see my son lots) to he doesn't know WHO is the baby daddy but he just isn't 100% sure it is him to "we really really need to talk" and when I say "no we really don't I have nothing left to say" to him sharing news stories about someone that got arrested for violating a pfa (like what? I have no pfa against me or from me against anyone what the F?!?!) to "You better not do anything stupid to ______(XOW, or never-was OW depending on the day)".

I feel shellshocked and stupid.

My friend says I just need to get out of the house if I can't get him out.

I feel like this dude

Thank goodness I told my coworkers. They decided after my stunned look this a.m. that they will screen my calls so I can function during the work day and not deal with this for at least 8 hrs a day.

I've put up with his crazy for years and years but to have it all cycling through the range all in 2 hours is mindboggling.

Has anyone successfully dealt with the crazy onslaught post-D filing and NOT had to move out?

devistatedmom posted 3/11/2014 10:51 AM

Take a deep breath. I know you are in the same house, but 180/NC him as much as possible. Ignore. Walk away. Lock yourself in the bathroom. Go out for a walk.

He's losing control, and he doesn't like it. He's pissed you actually filed. How DARE you?? Don't you know he is suppose to be in control?

Get a VAR, have it in your pocket. When he gets going, just say I will not discuss this. Contact my lawyer and walk away. Do not let him push you. You can do this Jennifer.

Jennifer99 posted 3/11/2014 11:53 AM

I do 180/NC as much as I can. I had even identified his morning routine so I could come out of my room long enough to get some breakfast and pack my lunch without him being there. Some reason his routine was off this morning (I think because he never went to bed last night) and he caught me in the kitchen when he should have been out back smoking.

I might have to just give up on that and go back to grabbing breakfast from a drivethru and eating lunch out everyday until the living situation is handled. Maybe stock up on some breakfast type boxed items to keep in my desk.

The coworkers screening my calls might help to. They know when it comes up private now to please answer it. Now I'm not a sitting duck for his phone rants on a whim just because I have to answer the phones here. I see over the last 2 hours the calls went from every 5 min to none in the last 20 mins.

We did have an hour of our day where our paths crossed yesterday and instead of sitting around the house hiding in my room or being his target I and ds went for a walk (it was so nice out!) and got back just in time for him to take ds to scouts. I swear that is what wound him up - as soon as we got back it was "where WERE you", "you cant walk up the stairs without gasping big-belly, how'd you walk for an hour..." and I just ignored.

I keep my cell on me but haven't acquired the ability to turn on the voice recorder without it being obvious. Maybe a var is smart - does walmart have vars? Where do you buy these? I know HE has one but I don't think he'd let me have it.

My brother (who has been through something similar) has suggested that stbxh is trying to push me to crazy so I just decide to up and run and my brother is wondering how that affects our D case and custody being via mediation. I guess I need to call the atty - which is my brother's recommendation.

devistatedmom posted 3/11/2014 12:37 PM

Definitely talk to your lawyer before leaving. Talk to him now, so if it comes to that point, you know how it will affect (effect? I always screw that word up) you.

I know NC/180 is hard to do when you are in the same house. Heck, I failed at it miserably when we were doing in house for a bit. It didn't last as long as was planned, as I lost it one night on him and refused to let him skype with OW while in my house with my kids. Told him, with her listening, that his whore was not allowed in my house, even if it was just on the computer. He moved out shortly thereafter.

I think walmart has vars, others here will know better than me. Even without it, I hope you are writing down all the things he is doing/saying. Could come in handy later.

Your co-workers rock, btw. Keep going girl...you are much smarter than the twit. You are going to make it and this will all be a distant memory.

Jennifer99 posted 3/11/2014 12:50 PM

My coworkers do rock. And I had no idea because stbxh had me so afraid to talk to people at work.

Turns out all my coworkers have been through this but esp want to hurt stbxh bc I'm pregnant

devistatedmom posted 3/11/2014 13:21 PM

Lean on them Jennifer!! Having people that are kind of removed from the situation but still have your back is amazing. Let them help you over whatever parts they can.

momentintime posted 3/11/2014 15:55 PM

*keeps reminding me how much it will suck to not see my son some days for shared custody

It works both ways. He only sees son some days for shared custody.

*asked me for $3k to start his business so he doesn't have to go and work 60-70 hours a week "to survive" and never see his son

Don't give him a dime. His problem, so sad.

*mocked me

*told me he now knows he isn't the baby's daddy for my pregnancy (not true)

*is talking about moving wherever I move because he knows I want nothing more than to be away from him

Let this go. He is searching for buttons to get a reaction from you. Stop talking, emailing, texting, whatever with him. Finances and kiddos only. Let his emails go directly to a "fool" folder.

Rainbows posted 3/11/2014 16:32 PM

Honestly, I don't see how you can deal with the crazy and stay under the same roof together. You only have control over your own actions, not his. This is how it started with my ex was when we began in-house S.

At the very least, I would suggest you avoid and NC as much as possible. You can get a VAR, but I couldn't do anything with mine because it's illegal to record someone without their consent in my state.

How long will you both be there? Have you talked to your L to make sure you're legally and financially protected if you are the one who ends up moving out?

My friends and family all told me to get out of the house sooner, but I didn't want to leave my home of over 10 years. I was lost, scared and shocked, it was an awful time.

My ex then started escalating and following through with his threats. He amped up his smear campaign against me. If you start seeing an increase in crazy, then I definitely suggest moving out to protect yourself and DS. Don't wait for it to get worse.

The lesson I learned (the hard way) is that you never know how far they will go. From what you've posted, he's already crossed several lines. What's to stop him from going one or two steps further?

My Ex did things during that time that will ultimately cost him his career and most likely his freedom (for a while). I never would have expected him to put all of that on the line just to get me out of the house, but he did.

Don't waste your time trying to figure it out. He clearly has an agenda and will push whatever buttons he can to achieve it.

Protect yourself on all fronts and don't underestimate or put anything past him.

homewrecked2011 posted 3/11/2014 16:40 PM

VAR -- you can find one in the walmart electronics dept. It is about 1 inch by 4 inches. Read the directions,,, I didn't at first...but VAR will start recording when someone speaks. I had mine in my bra and recorded when I could.

DEFINATELY find a domestic violence center in your town, call them and tell them you and your child need counseling for the emotional abuse that is being done to you. It is really important just to get another set of unbiased eyes on the situation. Don't tell him you are going to counseling if you can help it.

keep posting here....