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lucy17 (original poster member #40187) posted at 6:32 PM on Tuesday, March 11th, 2014
I can't get her out of my head. I scan FB for pictures of her and I compare myself to her. I know I need to make her less important. But she made WH "happy" and he chose her at my expense so many times in 3 months. She has become one of the most important people in my life. She definitely contributed to the biggest life/self change for me. He's given her so much power and I don't know that I can take it back.
“The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places." Hemingway
Me- BS 38
Him- WS 44
1 child- 13 years old
together 21 years, legally married 17
Dday1- 7/7/13
Dday2- 8/12/13
The rollercoaster of R
bionicgal ( member #39803) posted at 6:37 PM on Tuesday, March 11th, 2014
Lucy - I hear you, and it peaks and falls with me. I have a few days where I don't think about her much, and then I am talking to her in the car non-stop. Funny thing is, it isn't her. It is whatever my H was so drawn in by, that he couldn't get away -- which actually had little to do with her as a person . . make sense? She could have been anyone.
That is why the APs don't matter. Hop over to the wayward side and read the post about what made the APs worth it, and you'll see some interesting perspectives. The only thing that made the AP special was opportunity and availability. A trained monkey could do that. 
me - BS (45) - DDay - June 2013
A was 2+ months, EA/PA
In MC & Reconciling
"Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point to move forward." -- C.S. Lewis.
whattheh ( member #40032) posted at 6:38 PM on Tuesday, March 11th, 2014
AP has no power. Your fWH chose you not her. OW is a nobody and is nothing to you or him. OW was just a body to eff and nothing more.
Seriously challenge yourself to no more OW monitoring and you will eventually be set free from your obsessive thoughts. This and time passing will help.
Monitoring OWs FB is like a bad habit so just kick it. You can do this!!!!
[This message edited by whattheh at 12:41 PM, March 11th (Tuesday)]
Retired & now in 60's-M 39 Yrs-DD 2013-TT for 3 yrs (new details incl there had been 3 more MOWs)--all this started with porn use for mid 50s WH (felt he was possessed)~~Cheating and aftermath is huge time waste with high opportunity cost~~
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