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Newest Member: silenceisnotgold (46036)

User Topic: Back to NC is hard...
GotPlayed
♂ 41294
Member # 41294
Default  Posted: 6:51 PM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We had a great mediation yesterday and then had dinner (my mistake). Today she asked via text to come visit at the office "about the calendar". I am so lucky I have DD8 with me here. I texted back that she was with me and said "never mind". I clarified her question quickly over text, politely and everything. Which means she really didn't need to come visit. She just wanted to.

So I know she's making excuse to visit. And if DD8 hadn't been here I totally would have asked her to come, and probably spent the afternoon with her. I so wanted her to come. Flashes of being intimate with STBXWW right here in the office went through my mind (yes, it's officially been a while now)

DD8's presence saved my sanity.

I slept 2 hours last night, from the emotional exhaustion and the worry about her still contacting him "even though she doesn't like him now".

If I'd married an ugly woman this would be so much easier....

Why is NC so hard?


Master of my Fate, Captain of my Soul.
Me: BH 42, Her: WW 41. 18y married
DD: 11/5/13
DS10 Autism, DD8
OM: Ex-con for DV. Now with new ROs!
Divorcing

Posts: 827 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: California
Leia
♀ 42510
Member # 42510
Default  Posted: 8:07 PM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No kidding...STBXWH came home from a business trip, and we actually had a civil conversation...I noted that he looked tired and really wanted to reach out. NC even in my legal limbo is still hard....then I looked out the window and realized that he was messing with his truck instead of cooking dinner and all of those feelings went away. Same shit, different day. I'm sure your WW is the same way. Give her an inch and she'll take a mile. Stay strong and focus on DD. I know focusing on my kids have helped. Hugs.


"Somebody get this walking carpet out of my way." Princess Leia, Star Wars

Posts: 296 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Kansas
Freeme
♀ 31946
Member # 31946
Default  Posted: 8:37 PM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hold strong - I have this theory about you WS. All of the stuff she pulled recently with taking trips, going out with the girls and begging money, getting an expensive lawyer just to have one... My theory is that she planned to have a great time stall the D as long as possible and then try to hoover you back.

The things you have posted about her. She really isn't a nice person. You deserve so much better and can do so much better.

NC, NC, NC


Posts: 272 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From: Washington DC
GotPlayed
♂ 41294
Member # 41294
Default  Posted: 8:56 PM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@Freeme, is it pathetic that I wish this was true?

I don't think it is - she's pushing more than pulling. She suggested I switched therapists yesterday (I know you love Dr. IC, but maybe you should be seeing someone else?) and floated the idea of her "explaining some things" with a therapist present (like I'm the one with the problem). I convinced her in principle to see an IC on her own (she has no money for one, she says).

It would explain why she doesn't really have anything planned though - she's a lot smarter and has a lot more initiative than what she's behaving like in the D. But she's not as productive as me. So I understand why I'd be ahead, particularly with her - ahem - distractions.

I'm weak, but I have you wonderful SIers to give me strength.


Master of my Fate, Captain of my Soul.
Me: BH 42, Her: WW 41. 18y married
DD: 11/5/13
DS10 Autism, DD8
OM: Ex-con for DV. Now with new ROs!
Divorcing

Posts: 827 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: California
nekorb
♀ 40306
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 8:56 PM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dodged a bullet there.

Be strong.


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1838 | Registered: Aug 2013
Pass
♂ 38122
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 11:19 AM, March 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I totally get this, dude. Weeks after I moved out, I was inviting The Princess to eat supper with us when she would pick up the boys on Sunday nights. We would have long phone conversations a few times a week. I MAY even have sent her a booty call via text once (luckily, she took great joy in shooting me down!).

All that happened, even though I had so much hate for her almost instantly after I moved out. I think a lot of it was just habit. This was the woman I was used to socializing, eating, and having sex with. I didn't know how to stop doing that.

I eventually got over all this stuff. She doesn't even get to take her shoes off in my apartment anymore - and I wouldn't screw her with YOUR dick.

Now, a year after moving out, I've decided I need to work on getting past the anger stage. I think it's important at this point - it may be slowing my healing process. But up until now, I needed the anger. It was a strong force in helping me to start healing.

You can do this. Find your inner rage machine. Don't bother raging at her - it won't do any good at all, and may make you look unstable when you start talking about things like custody - but use that rage to keep moving forward. And "forward" is any direction away from where she's standing.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 2157 | Registered: Jan 2013
Topic Posts: 6

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