The past few weeks have been difficult. We're closing in on our 1 year antiversary, and I'm getting more and more blue. I've been sort of closing myself off, being quiet and extra introverted.
Today, we talked a little, during which WH said he's been feeling frustrated and sad, because he doesn't know what the state of our marriage is.
We've been doing surprisingly well for almost a year, and after two weeks of me being blue, he's scared? He told me he worries it'll last forever, and he'll be miserable.
I told him it's going to be like this. R isn't easy, and I'm going to have setbacks. And I told him that it all boils down to whether or not he feels like he can fight for our marriage.
And he says (I cannot make this up): "Yes, if it's fun!"
To be fair, I THINK he means that if our marriage has some fun in it, he wants to fight for it, NOT that the fighting for our marriage needs to be fun. Still---what the hell?!
I asked him recently if hearing me refer to the OW in a derogatory manner still bothers him, and he admitted it does, because, he said, that if he admits she's a horrible person, then he has to admit that he is, too.
Am I wrong for wanting him to look himself in the mirror and see himself for who he really is and what he really did? How long can he walk around with this blindfold on?
FWH: 40 (SI username: Bumbling)
DDay #1: June 9, 2012
Dday #2 (TT): November 29, 2012
DDay #3 (The BIG one, ALL the TT): March 30, 2013
False R: June 12, 2012 - March 21, 2013
REAL R: March 21, 2013 - present