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Newest Member: Leah37 (61473)

User Topic: ayfkm?
♀ 36038
Member # 36038
Default  Posted: 9:26 PM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


The past few weeks have been difficult. We're closing in on our 1 year antiversary, and I'm getting more and more blue. I've been sort of closing myself off, being quiet and extra introverted.

Today, we talked a little, during which WH said he's been feeling frustrated and sad, because he doesn't know what the state of our marriage is.

We've been doing surprisingly well for almost a year, and after two weeks of me being blue, he's scared? He told me he worries it'll last forever, and he'll be miserable.

I told him it's going to be like this. R isn't easy, and I'm going to have setbacks. And I told him that it all boils down to whether or not he feels like he can fight for our marriage.

And he says (I cannot make this up): "Yes, if it's fun!"


To be fair, I THINK he means that if our marriage has some fun in it, he wants to fight for it, NOT that the fighting for our marriage needs to be fun. Still---what the hell?!

I asked him recently if hearing me refer to the OW in a derogatory manner still bothers him, and he admitted it does, because, he said, that if he admits she's a horrible person, then he has to admit that he is, too.

Am I wrong for wanting him to look himself in the mirror and see himself for who he really is and what he really did? How long can he walk around with this blindfold on?

Me: 50
DD: 13

Learning to be me, again!

Posts: 453 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Texas
♀ 27071
Member # 27071
Default  Posted: 9:36 PM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No, you are not wrong for wanting him to take full ownership of the damage he created. Doesn't mean he can or will. Our older daughter finally found the bimbo's phone number, called and left a hateful VM for the bimbo, bimbo called xh and cried to him, he chastised daughter for 'saying those bad things about bimbo because if you're saying those bad things about her, you have to say them about me, too.' Daughter said YES, I'm saying them about you, too. xh couldn't face what he had done and told me it was easier to walk away (after 35 yrs of M and family) than to work to fix himself and fix our M. So my xh didn't want to work that hard. Your ws is going to have to decide just how important you and your M are to him. If he isn't willing to go full-speed-ahead to repair the damage HE created, no matter whether it's fun, then what ? If YOU aren't so important to him that he can't be fully vested for the rest of your life, you must ask yourself whether this is the kind of M YOU want.

D-Day: 8/28/2009
BW: 59 @ D-Day XH: 60 @ D-Day Married 34 yrs, LIBerated: 2/17/11
Beyond terror is freedom. (Agnes Martin)

Posts: 1242 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Missouri
♀ 34823
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 9:36 PM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"Yes, if it's fun!"

This type of response really is worthy of you *going off* on his ass.

He was being an ass with his sarcastic reply to you and I don't see your attribution of his meaning as being anywhere relevant. He was saying to you: "yea, JF, this is *great fun* dealing with you when you are in a *mood*, along with this .

he said, that if he admits she's a horrible person, then he has to admit that he is, too.

.....and....he has some type of problem with admitting that????

TBH, I would've blown a gasket at receiving that sarcastic *fun* response. FUCK HIM. HE brought this shitstorm into YOUR life (you didn't ask for it, it was foisted upon you)....if he wants to get all pissy and butt-hurt over your response to it, then THERE'S the door. Was it *fun* for YOU to have to deal with a cheating spouse? I don't think so. You need to make sure that the blame gets placed squarely where it needs to land.

"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.

Posts: 9188 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
♂ 28571
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 9:56 PM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

he said, that if he admits she's a horrible person, then he has to admit that he is, too.

A year out? Fucking A.

What's really going to hit home if he ever figures this out is why he's using the present tense to say that.

I dunno if that's really dramatic or not but I haven't used italics in awhile and wanted to.

Tempus Fuckit.

- Ricky

Posts: 7849 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
♀ 34262
Member # 34262
Default  Posted: 11:19 PM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OMG I've had this exact same conversation. Except it was whined "why can't we just have fun?"

Um cuz your dad died, your mom is disabled, your sister doesn't have a job, my Mom's in credit card debt, our dog has cancer and YOU fucked someone else. Oh and our jobs suck, we're on cal 1/3 of the time and were chronically sleep deprived but by all means cry about your fantasy land fun life not existing.

Me: BS 48
Her: FWS 51 (both family med MDs; together 21 years)
OW: who cares (PhD)
Dday: 10/11: 11/11 TT for months; NC 8/12
"band aids don't fix bullet holes" Taylor Swift
I NEVER mind medical ???

Posts: 3006 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Here
♀ 32554
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 1:09 AM, March 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What a whiny idiot.

Me = BS
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!

Posts: 10722 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Topic Posts: 6

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