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Newest Member: dylan123 (46056)

User Topic: socially awkward.....
lovehatelove
♀ 42541
Member # 42541
Default  Posted: 7:51 AM, March 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just got done hanging out with a friend, and I feel like I'm becoming very awkward and annoying, socially.... this particular person doesn't know about the A... maybe I just feel awkward around people who don't know about it....? I don't know

Since the A, I have secluded myself from friends and people I know... I haven't made many attempts at meeting new people in the last year since Dday.... I've had "falling outs" with several friends in the last 5 years.... so I'm worried that friendships I start with new people, will be short lived...

I don't have a job.. and my kids are school age... being home alone by myself all day has become familiar and safe...


DDay ~ 2/23/13

Posts: 163 | Registered: Feb 2014
norabird
♀ 42092
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 8:48 AM, March 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You probably are just out of social practice if you feel awkward! Don't let this feeling stop you from reaching out and seeing people, as you do it more you will become increasingly comfortable and natural. Practice is the key, it really is! Just keep getting back on the horse and you will eventually find yourself blossoming.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4238 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
lovehatelove
♀ 42541
Member # 42541
Default  Posted: 10:28 AM, March 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you norabird

I'm totally out of practice... but I just assumed that socializing would be like riding a bike... didn't think I would have to re-learn how to socialize with friends...

this is super frustrating!

just gotta find that motivation to want to meet new people...! hopefully I'll find it soon bc I'm friggin' lonely


DDay ~ 2/23/13

Posts: 163 | Registered: Feb 2014
BeyondBreaking
♀ 38020
Member # 38020
Default  Posted: 10:58 AM, March 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know that when I was first cheated on, I did the same thing. I didnít do it on purpose- but I think there was this little part of me that wanted to protect myself. I was easily triggered, and in trying to avoid my triggers, I became a bit of a homebody.

Additionally- my trust and faith in people in general was sort of lacking. I was angry, and thatís really hard to hide. I began basically almost looking for reasons NOT to hang out with friends. People are only going to call and try so long before giving up.

Even further, when shifting my values, I found that many of my friends did not make the cut. I no longer had any interest in hanging out with friends who had cheated on their boyfriends or spouses. Even ones who did so previously and I had known about long before I was cheated on. I rationalized by saying I had values and they didnít.

Finally- I am usually an open book when it comes to friends. When I have something huge going on in my life that I am choosing not to share with friends- it is hard to know what to talk about and how to act. I choose topics more carefully, I am slower to answer, I am focusing a lot on the way I think I appear instead of having fun hanging out with my friend. So I get a bit socially awkward as well

A combination of all of these things made me isolate myself.


I have been cheated on by 3 different men, and I have more DDays than anyone ever should. I am here, just trying to pickup the pieces.

At least the current man "only" cyber-cheated.

"Love means never having to say you're sorry."


Posts: 840 | Registered: Jan 2013
norabird
♀ 42092
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 10:59 AM, March 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think it's harder than something like bike-riding because our self-consciousness gets in the way of our performance. You think about the friendships you've lost when talking with someone new, and the worry affects the present interaction. Our brains can be a pain!!

Do you use meetup.com ever to look for groups involved in activities you like and enjoy or want to learn more about?

It can take a few meetings of attending to begin to feel like you 'fit in', but it's a good way to expand the number of people in your social circle.

[This message edited by norabird at 12:15 PM, March 12th (Wednesday)]


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4238 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
cancuncrushed
♀ 28156
Member # 28156
Default  Posted: 11:09 AM, March 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was thinking this yesterday. I am a sahm. Always have been. I am a loner. I could hear two women talking Venting about the most ridiculous things. Mundane. For a very long time. I was thinking I couldn't take it. I also can't be around the still innocent and naive. Dreamy conversations about the future. Vacations buying homes. They glow. I accept I am bitter. But that's no longer my crowd. I can't seem to find where I fit. I have empty nested and h had ea or a. I am really lost. Some of this is normal. None is by choice. I find solo activities.


a trigger yesterday

Posts: 1113 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: athome
lovehatelove
♀ 42541
Member # 42541
Default  Posted: 4:12 AM, March 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Beyondbreaking

I know that when I was first cheated on, I did the same thing. I didnít do it on purpose- but I think there was this little part of me that wanted to protect myself.

I'm doing it intentionally.. I've just lost so many friendships in the past, that I'm just so tired of it... so I prevent it by not having many friends at all; and by not even trying to make new friends for that matter.. and all my motivation to do pretty much anything, disappeared since Dday...

norabird

Do you use meetup.com ever to look for groups involved in activities you like and enjoy or want to learn more about?

no I haven't... I'll check it out, thank you!

cancuncrushed

I am a loner

I have been a loner my whole life too.. but I always had enough close friends to keep me sane... not so much since the A...



DDay ~ 2/23/13

Posts: 163 | Registered: Feb 2014
MadeOfScars
♂ 42231
Member # 42231
Default  Posted: 2:14 PM, March 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((lovehatelove)))

I too would recommend something like meetup.com or something catered to people with similar interests in your area. Just go into it with no expectations and see what happens. If it doesn't feel good, you can walk away. You never know though.

I am lucky in that I've maintained some very strong friendships since elementary school days. That said, I still know the isolation. All those friends are (seemingly) happily married with families of their own, while I'm the bachelor (or soon will be officially, but already living as one). I also don't open up to new people very quickly anyway, and right now I just kind of feel like a buzzkill around people I do know. That said, it's not always easiest to hang out with these friends right now, but when I do, I realize something - they are my friends, regardless of anything else. I can be awkward, sad, whatever, and they still care for me. I am getting to a point here, I promise

I just got done hanging out with a friend, and I feel like I'm becoming very awkward and annoying, socially.... this particular person doesn't know about the A... maybe I just feel awkward around people who don't know about it....? I don't know

How close do you consider this friend? If you consider them close, I can all but promise they will want to help you. It doesn't mean the A is the only thing you should talk about, but maybe confiding in this person may help alleviate any awkwardness you feel and that they may be picking up. That way, you can get back to being more comfortable around this friend socially, and little by little, other people as well. Yes, I know it can also open you up to more pain if that person pushes you away after confiding, so it may be a risk. I can really only say go with your gut.

I don't know all the factors of your situation so this may not make sense for you, but just a thought. Sending you peace and strength.


"Donít let the past steal your present. This is the message of Christmas: We are never alone." - Taylor Caldwell

Posts: 1420 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Texas
lovehatelove
♀ 42541
Member # 42541
Default  Posted: 3:22 AM, March 14th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Soulhurts

How close do you consider this friend?

We aren't very close at all... we've only hung out a few times in the last year or so.. we used to hang out a lot more b4 Dday.... but I didn't tell her personal things then either.... she's the type of person who talks shit about people behind their backs.... so, I'd rather not tell her.....

Sending you peace and strength.

Thank you


DDay ~ 2/23/13

Posts: 163 | Registered: Feb 2014
lovehatelove
♀ 42541
Member # 42541
Default  Posted: 9:12 AM, March 14th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Update:

I hung out with a different friend today... and it was great!! there were no weird pauses.. and I never once felt awkward.... and I didn't even bring up the A for the few hours we were hanging out...

I'm seriously starting to think that I feel awkward and uncomfortable around people who don't know about it.....

that's just bizarre....! and doesn't make much sense to me....


DDay ~ 2/23/13

Posts: 163 | Registered: Feb 2014
norabird
♀ 42092
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 9:34 AM, March 14th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yay for a great time with a friend! I think it totally makes sense you feel best with people who know the truth. You must have told them because you feel safe with them! And a great friendship needs to be one where you can be open with each other and be there during hard times.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4238 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
lovehatelove
♀ 42541
Member # 42541
Default  Posted: 9:42 AM, March 14th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks norabird!

And a great friendship needs to be one where you can be open with each other and be there during hard times.

and this is true....


DDay ~ 2/23/13

Posts: 163 | Registered: Feb 2014
Gotmegood
♀ 41407
Member # 41407
Default  Posted: 9:59 AM, March 14th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know the isolation, and what I don't like about it is how much time it allows me to dwell on the soul crushing betrayal. I have found that I'm just not quite happy enough to want to 'hang out' with old friends ( none of them know). I work part time; this really helps. It's being with people with a purpose. Cuts down on finding yourself in a social situation where you are constantly comparing yourself and your new reality to those happier people around you. Could you volunteer at your kids' school? You would be with people of your age and neighborhood, with stuff in common, and a focus that is not about the shit sandwich your WH presented you with.


Me: faithful wife 62.
Him: WH 64 , prostitute 20 yr old
DDay: 8-13-2013
Status: boinging up and down like a yo-yo

Posts: 549 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Florida
Topic Posts: 13

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