SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

deena posted 3/12/2014 10:27 AM

I have tuned out of our marriage for over a year.
He didn't want any more talk and I have dropped any personal talk.
I don't accept any hugs. No sex in over a year.....I stooped trying when he repeatedly couldn't keep it up. (Sorry for that info)
I go my own way and avoid him as much as possible.
In truth I am friendlier with casual acquaintances
My feelings have died and I have just coexisted in this marriage.

And yet when we had to be in a 2 1/2 hour drive together,
I asked him a few days his thoughts on our marriage.
He returned with "I think our marriage has started to get better...we are showing mire respect for one another
....that he thinks he understands my feelings more now"
This is the shorter version, but I was floored.
Here I was thinking we don't have a marriage....

All I said back was that no he didn't understand my feelings at all.
We sat for 2 hours of silence after my remark. No he didn't ask what I meant of that remark nor what my take on our marriage was.

Shows I really don't know thus guy anymore at all

ThisHell posted 3/12/2014 10:41 AM

((Deena))

Why are you still IN this marriage? Clearly you have been simply existing in the same space and I assume, rugsweeping as it doesn't seem much work has been done to make changes in the relationship itself for the better. What do you want? Is this marriage acceptable to you?

confused615 posted 3/12/2014 10:52 AM

Hmmm. You stopped talking to him about anything personal..which included the affair..right?

And now he thinks the two of you are closer and the marriage is better?

Sounds like a typical rugsweeping WS.

(((((deena)))))

nowiknow23 posted 3/12/2014 10:57 AM

((((deena))))

deena posted 3/12/2014 13:47 PM

@nowiknow23
Now how did you know my eyes where doing that after his answer.

@This Hell
I truly am not positive why I am still in this marriage
I have many excuses (I call them)
--How do I explain to the kids(they don't know of the affairs(s?))
--Money....he took all of our personal money to buy out another company to add to his....but that is looking better now...and I won't take much so that it will look like I took him to the cleaners and look like I am the bi***
--Scared of being on my own...I am older, was a stay at home mom for mannny years , now only working casual in the school system
--Scared to admit that my life as I dreamed of it is over. I also got a gift of herpes and I know I won't ever be with another guy to share my life with...lots have said otherwise here....but I won't ever go thru letting anyone else on my secret.
--and a bit scared of his anger that I know will arise again when I do finalize things

I know these are excuses, but I am feeling stronger and I think closer to ending this farce.

@confused615---I think he may be the best rugsweeper around.

Thanks for listening and the hugs

I really can't believe he gave me an answer like that still

edited to add
there is a big part of me that just doesn't care anymore.

and no I am not wimpy or depressed(too much)..I just don't think I deserve to have to now worry about money and life because he screwed up mine so much. I don't want to take much money like I said, but then I also don't think he deserves to have a great life with no worries financially.
Maybe I am screwed up in my thinking...I don't know. It sounds screwy to me when I say that

[This message edited by deena at 1:58 PM, March 12th (Wednesday)]

momentintime posted 3/14/2014 13:10 PM

If you decide to leave, you take your fair share of the money. He took family money and invested it, you deserve a decent return on that. Don't discount your worth. Your value is so high, that he can't see it is his loss.

Given what you have written, IMHO you need to get away from him and start a life where you have at least peace of mind, and a chance to be happy. Even if you want to continue alone, you will be happier than with him. Don't let him suck the soul out of you.