Over the last few weeks BH and I have been sorting out our separation. I have always been supportive of his need for space. He says he needs time on his own to heal and to establish a baseline for his emotions.
He will be taking a posting in a different area in six weeks time. In the mean time he will live in single accommodation just up the road from our home. At some point in the next few months I will move, with the children, closer to my family and nearer to BH's new posting. That's was the plan.
Monday was the day he moved out. He packed up his stuff and although I was upset, I held it together and only expressed how sorry I was for being the cause of a situation where he had to move out away from his kids, that I knew how difficult this decision had been for him.
After he left I kept busy, tidying and putting the kids to bed.
Four hours after leaving he burst through the front door (gave me quite a scare!) He strode across the living room and broke down in my arms. We talked for hours, very honestly and openly, both sharing our fears and our hopes. He spent the night and has been round a lot since, he seems to want to be here.
Before Monday evening we had been in limbo since Dday. We're not anymore, BH decided that his goal is now R!
Overwhelmed doesn't even cover what I've been feeling the last few days.
We're taking this slowly, he is still going to live in the single accommodation but we're going to spend weekends together, doing stuff with the kids. BH says if he continues to feel the way he does at the moment, we will move to his new posting as a family and begin R.
I am not naive, I am aware he could still change his mind. I know that R is a gift, I will forever be grateful that he has even decided to work towards it. I realise that if we get to R then that's when the hard work starts but I'm ready, I'm committed.
We're separated now, each working on ourselves but we have a common goal, to be together and to R.
I am humbled by this man, he has been in hell the last few months, a hell that I created for him. I know I am undeserving of the gift of R but I will not let him down. He has admitted that he has not behaved well at times and has let anger take over but he feels more in control of himself now.
Here's to laying new foundations.
Chin up. Unwavering. Fight. I can do this.
