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Good sign or red flag?

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Breezy150 posted 3/12/2014 17:42 PM

I was talking to the OWs BH yesterday and found out that she asked him to move out for 2 weeks, said that is what she needed to decide what she wants. He moved back in last night because the two weeks are up. He said in their heart to heart talk before he moved back in she said her last attempt at contact was valentines day and my WH did not respond to her text.

I have complete access to my WHs phone, when he is home, and found two voicemails from her in a folder that he didn't know about. It is a separate folder for voicemails from blocked numbers. One was from valentines day and was 56 seconds long, she was kind of pissy, I assume because he never replied to her text because she was blocked and it never came through. The other one was from February 18th almost two minutes long, started with "Hey Babe, I am getting worried about you, never hear from you, need to know if you are ok." Don't remember everything but that was the basics of it.

So my question is because she asked her BH to move out that seems like a classic cake eater move. With all the digging I am doing I have not uncovered any communication between them since February 7th. I thought it was a good sign that she was already blocked on social media and on his phone before valentines day. My second DDay was not until the 20th of February so WH blocked OW on his own ( I was still naive enough to think they weren't talking at all in January or February).So do I believe him? When I told him I was suspicious about OW kicking her BH out, that it looked like they were still in contact. He replied he had not heard anything from her since the first part of February (which coincides with my evidence)and then said OW probably just already has her next target picked out. She is a serial cheater, this is my WHs only A.

So do I just keep watching and being hurt by something that may or may not be happening? Do I just cut contact with OWs BH? I really don't care what happens with them and he has promised to let me know if he uncovers any contact.

Sometimes I wonder why I am even trying, he knew for the last 16 years that this was a deal breaker for me and did it anyway.

[This message edited by Breezy150 at 5:45 PM, March 12th (Wednesday)]

catlover50 posted 3/12/2014 18:15 PM

This sounds like a good sign to me. I like how your H does not seem to he romanticizing her as well.

Most of us assumed that an A would be a dealbreaker before it happened to us. It's for you to decide if it is one for you now.

Best of luck to you.

Breezy150 posted 3/12/2014 18:21 PM

Thank you, this week WH has shown more and more remorse I think, one thing is that he quit romanticizing her and actually has shown some pretty hard feelings toward her. He might just "get it".

I am just kind if cynical today.

brkn_heartd posted 3/12/2014 20:46 PM

Sounds like a good sign. Especially if he is showing more remorse. Hang in there....I would advice separation from OW BS. That only will lead to more hurt.

motwobb1 posted 3/12/2014 20:50 PM

To me for your WH it is a good sign. The OW seems to be a different story. If you're already in contact with OW BS I would contact him and let him know that she's still trying to contact. Good luck!

Breezy150 posted 3/12/2014 21:36 PM

Oh I did. I even sent him a screen shot of the voicemail to prove she was still lying. I feel really bad for him as we were all friends before this, but I think I need to take a step back. He swears that she is taking our NC letter very seriously, so I hope so.

hopefulmother posted 3/13/2014 14:46 PM

If she truly is a serial adulteress, then she has probably moved on.

If after all this crap, your hubby really would want to be with her. After knowing what she is and is like. I say let him. Stop worrying about something you will never be able to control.

Focus more on his healing, she is just some easy piece of shit that he went to. It could have been anyone. Nothing special about her.

The key is focusing on him, so he doesn't do it with someone else. But, you can't let that consume you. Rest in knowing what will happen if he does do it again with someone else and that you will be okay. It will be his loss.

Personally, I think it is a good sign for you guys. Your husband seems to have no attachment to her.

Jrazz posted 3/13/2014 15:03 PM

Since your WH seems to be doing a good job of NC, I'd try to dial back the contact with BH. Getting OW out of your life both physically and mentally is really critical to healing.

It's been my experience that the "I'm worried about you and want to make sure YOU are ok." is a last-ditch tactic that OW use in hopes of roping the AP back in. She's hoping that she can use your reaction to the A as fodder for her campaign - that she supports him and you don't. The remorseful WS knows that this is garbage, and they realize that supporting their BS through this nightmare is the right thing to do to repair the damage.

I think your WH is on this program, and isn't going to be tricked by her. I feel really badly for her BH. I hope he gets the support he needs to realize how manipulative his WW is being.

I'm really encouraged that you have total access to your WH's phone. I hope that goes for all electronic media and ways for the outside world to get a hold of him. Total transparency is an excellent building block to getting trust back.

(((Breezy150)))

numb&dumb posted 3/13/2014 15:09 PM

It may just be the my BS sense is wapon grade at this time, but . . .

He said in their heart to heart talk before he moved back in she said her last attempt at contact was valentines day and my WH did not respond to her text.

The other one was from February 18th almost two minutes long, started with "Hey Babe, I am getting worried about you, never hear from you, need to know if you are ok."

She is still lying to her BH.


he has promised to let me know if he uncovers any contact.

If he was kind enough to offer details, you should return the favor. Just sayin'

Small detail yes, but being a BH, I know I would care of that little minimization. That is not 100% transparency.

Your call. I just wanted to point that out in case you missed it.

littleflower posted 3/13/2014 17:28 PM

Hey Breezy150

Do I just cut contact with OWs BH? I really don't care what happens with them and he has promised to let me know if he uncovers any contact.

When I first found out about my DB I kept in contact with the XBF's BH , I thought we could still be friends.

But really keeping in contact with a person who wants to be with the OW is unhealthy for your relationship.
I ended up sending the the OW BH a no contact letter , Wished him luck and let them do there own thing

Breezy150 posted 3/14/2014 12:02 PM

Thank you all so much for the responses. I did tell her BH that she tried to contact on the 18th.

It's kind of funny because he asked me to let him know if I find any contact but that he would not be responding because his WW said we were no better than them having an A because of texting back and forth. I texted back that there would be no more contact from me. Seems to me she is grasping at straws, but I am relieved. I feel bad for him but it is a huge relief to wash my hands of both of them, and concentrate on me.

hopefulmother posted 3/14/2014 19:41 PM

lol-sounds like the woman can't stand to have the attention taken from her. Is she jealous much?!

For all you know, her husband could be playing up the interactions between the two of you to make her jealous.

Agree, steer clear. Give him the site and let him find support here.

Breezy150 posted 3/14/2014 20:03 PM

I told him about this site but I don't think he is interested in healing, just rug sweeping. The last time we had contact was last night and he said that OW had said that because we were texting we were the same as her and my WH.

Made me laugh but I told him that we were done talking at all. I told him that I need to give 100% to myself and my M, so I couldn't help him anymore.

Problem solved I hope.

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