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I broke up with my boyfriend. Why am i so sad?

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jamiep posted 3/12/2014 19:29 PM

I ended my long-term relationship about 2 weeks ago. I don't regret it--- it was definitely time to say goodbye. But I'm just heartbroken about it.......This is a guy who has been there through major ups and downs with me... he was my best friend... and i could always count on him...... he always talked about wanting to get married and having kids and building a life with me. its definitely something I was leary of at first but it grew on me. and it seemed like as soon as I started to really get serious and plan for the future with him (and let my guard down) he turned into the biggest jackass. Like he knew he had me so he could do whatever he wanted. Didn't cheat on me or anything. But just started flaking out. Gave me this lame excuse about why he couldnt be here with me one day for something VERY important because he had to stay at his house (long story) but then turned around the NEXT day and planned a trip for Miami that weekend with his boys (despite all the crappy excuses he tried to give me the night before). I was PISSED and it was by far the last straw (I was really done when he bailed on me to begin with, but then his bro trip was like salt in the wound).

I had been seriously thinking about ending it for the last couple of months anyway. He just became so inconsistent and unpredictable. like he was the nice loving boyfriend sometimes, but this total stranger at other times. there were just a lot of red flags. I tried to discuss this all with him as it played out earlier this year, but it just went downhill fast. this last incident was when i knew i was done.

but why do i still feel so devastated about it? like I didnt want to end things. i wanted him to be the awesome guy that he used to be. i guess i feel like he just wanted out but wasnt man enough to end things on his own. except that every time i even suggested that we might be better off not together he would change his tune and beg me to stay and promise me the world.

like i just feel played. im fine not being his girlfriend. but im losing my best friend. and im mourning the future wed planned together. like he says he still wants all that. but he damn sure doesnt back it up. when i told him it was over he admitted to half assing everything because he "didnt see us going anywhere" and we "wouldnt have a future together"... like i didnt even want all that originally. HE played the part of the perfect boyfriend and made all the plans and promises in the world. until it came time to cash them in.

like this sucks. like i said i just dont know why i am so upset. i was/am fed up and would rather be alone than in what our relationship deteriorated into. but i guess i am mourning what our relationship used to be and what i thought it could have been :(

any tips for getting over this? like it feels like my divorce all over again.

cayc posted 3/12/2014 21:06 PM

Scroll down a bit in NB and read my thread. I feel like you do. The guy was a complete and utter jackass to me at the end, and still I'm sad. And sadder than with my D since by the time I got to D I loathed my xWH.

I pinned a lot of hopes on this guy and the relationship. He was such a good friend to me. So much fun to be with. For the first time I experienced what people talk about when they say they just clicked with their partner.

So it hurts. It's necessary and unavoidable and it hurts. That relationship was supposed to be part of me moving on, of me finally getting the relationship I wanted, the life I wanted. So it feels like I've been tricked again in some way.

I have no advice for you, other than the same self care that got you through your D. Just know you aren't alone in how you feel right now.


norabird posted 3/12/2014 21:29 PM

How awful. It sounds like he was future faking you. I will never understand why people are so cruel. Of course you're heartbroken, it's a loss you're mourning and a future you have to let go of.

Do you ever read on There are some articles there about dealing with this type of treatment.

I'm so sorry.

Oh the Irony posted 3/12/2014 21:48 PM

I'm with you. I broke up with someone last October. Knew he wasn't who I wanted, knew that while he did not treat me poorly it was not what I wanted.

I was devastated. I had no clue it would hurt to lose him so much.Still kind of bothers me...

I don't quite understand just a note to let you know it is not abnormal. Miss the companionship, miss the attention, miss the sex, miss the is kind of complex, you know. We can certainly miss stuff even if it isn't quite what we want--but I hope space has opened up for something that is more of what I want out of a relationship.

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