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Newest Member: Phoenix2rise (45723)

User Topic: I am now a ws:(
kryvan
♀ 10174
Member # 10174
Default  Posted: 10:53 PM, March 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I became stupid and weak! My husband just found out I was sexting someone. Nothing physical ever happened, but obviously my H doesn't believe me.

I was tired of being ignored not appreciated even tho we reconciled yrs ago, it still bothered me. When out with friends he would degrade me, not pay attention to me, friends always came first, i felt like I was always competing for his attention. After he cheated on me the sex.... Was just sex. I always have to ask to buy something or go out with friends which was far between. He could go out whenever and buy whatever no questions asked. I know this isn't an excuse. I should have spoke to my H about how I was feeling. But how do u talk to someone who doesn't want to listen to u or doesn't care?

So when a guy showed interest.... I felt alive for the first time in a long time. I knew it was wrong I've stopped it awhile ago and thought I deleted everything but H found it. The other guy is married and it gets worse he is married to one of my friends who I haven't spoken with in a yr. I feel horrible!!! I can't cry because I know I was wrong, I'm upset with my self, I let my girls down, I'm such a hypocrite, feels like I have a brick in my stomach.

I'm not sure what's going to happen.


Me: FBS 2005/ WS 2013
H: WS 2005 / poss WS 2013-14
Daughters: 13 & 5

Found out: Oct 2 2005

They say marriages are made in heaven.But so is thunder and lightning.


Posts: 279 | Registered: Mar 2006
grains
♂ 32590
Member # 32590
Default  Posted: 1:15 AM, March 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am sorry that you are going through this hardship. Your children will also be affected by what is happening. Please do not belittle your good intentions, your desire to be a better person and most of all your intention to provide a loving family to your children. Please try to have a dialogue with your husband and if that is not really possible then I strongly suggest you both seek a marriage counselor. I also strongly suggest that you see your own counselor, an IC. I wish you strength and the belief that you can truly make things better for yourself and your family.


WH 60
BS 50
No Children
Together 17 years
Married 7/21/2001
D-day 03/01/2011

Posts: 313 | Registered: Jun 2011
20WrongsVs1
♀ 39000
Member # 39000
Default  Posted: 7:51 AM, March 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

kryvan, welcome to the club you never thought you'd join. In your first post as a Wayward, you're minimizing and justifying your infidelity. Like I said, welcome to the club!

You stated it was wrong, yes, but I'm not sensing that you're remorseful. Not toward your husband, anyway.

I should have spoke to my H about how I was feeling. But how do u talk to someone who doesn't want to listen to u or doesn't care?

Why are you with someone who doesn't listen to you or care? Looking back at your older posts, you pretty much said you stayed for financial reasons. And you had a second child together, even though you were clearly miserable.

It's time for you to start taking responsibility for your life, and being authentic. Unfortunately you've got a much tougher row to hoe now, because you relinquished the moral high ground. You think he didn't listen to you or care before?

I'm sorry you're in this position. Every Wayward can relate to feeling unhappy in the M. Including your husband. Maybe your husband is a disrespectful, uncaring jerk. So what? Staying with him is your choice. Quit blaming him for your unhappiness. Own it. Should you have D instead of having a second child together? Looking back...yeah, maybe you should've. And the outcomes of that choice, good (your beautiful DD) and bad (years of hurt and resentment, which just exploded) are 100% yours to own.

Beating yourself up now isn't productive, and that's not what I'm suggesting. Decide what kind of life you want to live, and go get it.


fWW: 42
BH: 52
DDay: April 21, 2013
Sweet DS & fierce DD, under 10
"Between stimulus and response there’s a space, in that space lies our power to choose our response, in our response lies our growth and our freedom." V. Frankl

Posts: 1252 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Redneck land
kryvan
♀ 10174
Member # 10174
Default  Posted: 1:24 PM, March 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

20wrongsvs1, I do own it. I will not own me sleeping with OM since it never happened. My H wants me to tell him I did and didn't do anything physical with this man.

I'm sitting here and you're right, I don't feel remorseful towards him. Now my children most def. When my H cheated on me I tried everything to make things better. I thought divorce and in fact had an appt, but H said let's try counseling. So I cancelled appt and did counseling. Did it help? No.


Right now, my H is calling me every name in the book and he can. He told me he already spoke with a lawyer so when I said I will call and make an appt he said no don't I still want you and love you. So why did he say that? I've told him why I did it and I'm not proud of it. When he cheated he never told me why he did it. Before I did anything he would tell me how bad I was in bed but in that same breath he wanted to have sex. I didn't feel important.

I'm not an affectionate person, I can't talk about how I really feel because I'm a people pleaser. I don't know how to handle this on this side. I just remember how I felt when I was on the other side. Last night, he told me to sleep on the couch do I did. This morning he was upset that I didn't sleep in bed with him. I can never please him and still can't.

I'm trying to find a counselor right now.

What really ticks me off is that he involved our 13 daughter into this. I believe that's wrong. J


Me: FBS 2005/ WS 2013
H: WS 2005 / poss WS 2013-14
Daughters: 13 & 5

Found out: Oct 2 2005

They say marriages are made in heaven.But so is thunder and lightning.


Posts: 279 | Registered: Mar 2006
MissesJai
♀ 24849
Member # 24849
Default  Posted: 1:28 PM, March 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What really ticks me off is that he involved our 13 daughter into this. I believe that's wrong.
Mine involved our then 14 year old son in it, as well. It is wrong and hurtful. The kids should not be in the middle.


FWW - 41
"Don't think first about the risks of speaking up. Think first about the risks of not speaking up." ~ Kerry Patterson

Posts: 6023 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: So Cal.....
Kelany
♀ 34755
Member # 34755
Default  Posted: 2:28 PM, March 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This:

I became stupid and weak!

Does not jive. You knew the consequences, you lived them. You made a choice.

If you were miserable, you had choices. You could have set boundaries, required further MC, separated, divorced. You chose to further break your marriage instead, while justifying your cheating by blaming your husbands treatment of you and how the OM made you feel alive.

You're more upset about letting your girls down than your husband. You say you feel no remorse towards him.

How do you plan to fix this?



BS - Me
SA/FWH Him
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12

Former 80s Icon wishful thinking


Posts: 2031 | Registered: Feb 2012
Topic Posts: 6

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