I'm glad you found us and I'm sorry your here.
or am I just being and idiot
Gently - you're trying to rationalize her behavior for her.
She cheated. End of story. It was a decision she made, at each and every moment along the way she could have chosen something different.
Others will be along with more insight them that.
Have you contacted an IC for yourself?
You said it yourself: She was willing. She was NOT raped, by any stretch of the imagination.
[This message edited by Dark Inertia at 8:58 AM, March 13th (Thursday)]
Listen. If her infidelity was with her MC, then I would agree that a professional line was severely crossed. However please don't even try to minimize her "decision" to be unfaithful to you by trying to call it rape. Unless her X forced himself upon her, it wasn't. Yes, people can be more and less susceptible to influences at various times of their lives, but each person has a choice, and a whole series of little decisions to make before they get to the part where clothing comes off and tab a fits into tab b. She made the decision to be unfaithful to you. She needs to own that. Yes, the X may have acted like a horndog and sniffed out that she was vulnerable, but bottom line is that she had the power to say no, but chose not to.
Given that you are in the medical field, I'm assuming that you (and she) have already made your appointments for full STD/HIV panels to be run and that you are also making the follow-up appointments in 4-6 months for the secondary testing. But YOU need to see her official results or the doctor's office needs to tell you personally what her results are. You cannot trust that she will not lie to you if there is bad news.
If you have not done so already, please look in the upper left corner, at the yellow box, and click on The Healing Library. Start reading. Also, any post in the first 3 pages of this forum that has a red target on it should be read as well (the 1st page). This is information that you need to have, written by experienced people. It will help, trust me.
Keep coming back often for support. We got your back. You'll find a lot of military here active and former. I'm a navy brat and former corpsman myself.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
I hope she can start seeing a new therapist stat.
One thing that caught my eye was that you said,
I checked our phone records and found she made a call to an HIV hotline.
Did your WW think that she might have contracted something? If so, have you been checked for STD's ?
[This message edited by toomanyregrets at 3:00 PM, March 13th (Thursday)]
"Affairs are not mistakes, they are a series of deliberate choices." - CrappyLife
"Regret is when you realize you broke your own heart.
Remorse is when you realize you broke someone else's." - Blakesteele
Your wife lied and cheated. It has been going on longer than you think.
And her ExH needs to be dealt with.
Put him on Cheaterville.
If this happened to me I would let her family and his family know what they have been up to.
But that choice is up to you.
Please fire the marriage counselor.