SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

joannie posted 3/13/2014 07:39 AM

Hi have posted on reconciliation but have a general question , does anyone else check for replies as much as me...and when you have had none get down in the dumps. i have so much time on my hands that i keep checking for replies, loved life in our little hamlet but now just want us to move...too much time on my hands and too scared to bump into OW (i know she works so it is only likely at certain times of day ) or her kids to go out without feeling worried

lilacs40 posted 3/13/2014 07:43 AM

I do this. Sometimes I even take it personally which I know I shouldn't.

I know it must be hard but you shouldn't feel trapped in your house. YOU did nothing wrong. Do you have hobbies? That would help take your mind off things. Maybe volunteer somewhere?

(Joanie)

Williesmom posted 3/13/2014 07:44 AM

Welcome!

I used to check for replies a lot because I just wanted someone to tell me what to do, just HELP ME.

It gets better, but it takes a long time.

I also live in a very small town, so I know what you mean. I rarely bump into the MOW or my WXH - I figure they see me coming first at get out of my way. Neither of them wants me to go apeshit on them in the middle of Wal-Mart.

JanaGreen posted 3/13/2014 07:50 AM

I'm sorry - I know that it must be terrible worrying about running into her. I do agree that you did nothing wrong and shouldn't have to feel trapped. ((HUGS))

joannie posted 3/13/2014 08:02 AM

Glad I am not alone with this, even do take it personally too sometimes...........whats wrong with us. having loved it in our hamlet and now hating it it is hard, not many friends due to everything,FWH being Ok , but the ow is my problem ..and long days. it is sad so many of us are here
thanks guys.

SadInNC posted 3/13/2014 08:03 AM

Hi joannie. I'm on SI a lot lately because of the rollercoaster of emotions and work is slow for me right now. People always respond but sometimes it takes a little while. Don't take that personally, there are over 40,000 members on here. Keep posting and reading. You're more emotional because of your WH and the whorey neighbor.

If you are not working right now, maybe a part-time job would do you some good. Or volunteer work. I always feel better on the days that I'm at work and I'm busy! Drive over to the next town or hamlet and work there, if it's not too far away. Hugs!

joannie posted 3/13/2014 08:05 AM

have no confidence right now to do much, but hope it comes soon. thanks for hug

confused615 posted 3/13/2014 08:13 AM

Hi joannie. Im usually here a lot, but took a break for a few months. Im back, as you see. Im sorry you feel hurt when you don't get a lot of replies. Don't let OW trap you in your house. You have done nothing wrong. Take a walk. Hold your head up. If you see her, look at her and smirk...as if she is shit on the bottom of your shoe. Screw her.

I have the opposite problem. I don't start my own threads often, but when I do, Im almost afraid to look at the replies, because I know what they're going to tell me..and I know they're right.

Chrysalis123 posted 3/13/2014 08:16 AM

When and if people respond has nothing to do with you. It has to do with who is around, what topics they are interested in, and other variables that are separate from the poster.

Sometimes, if someone really wants a response they bump it up themselves, explaining they need hugs or want a response or whatever. Maybe you could try that!

Lovedyoumore posted 3/13/2014 09:44 AM

I struggle with agoraphobia so the A put it into hyperdrive. I have to work very hard just to get to the supermarket. I can go to private homes and a few public "safe" places. One safe place was my church, but the OW violated it for me by showing up one Sunday. I struggle to go back there now, too.

I am getting better. A while back my H took me on a business trip. We drove 450 miles to a beach town. About half way home we had to go through a mountain resort area and stopped for dinner. I had all kinds of spidery senses going on about the OW and I thought it was just my anxiety. I really was afraid she was lurking around the corner over 200 miles from home. Guess what? When I got home I found out she had gone out of town for the weekend and we had driven within 20 miles of where she was staying.

Keep posting. You will get read and heard.

justme29 posted 3/14/2014 09:07 AM

I hear you Joannie.

I do think of replies as I read but wait till I read responses. Then I'll think someones else said just what I was thinking and probably said it better than I would have anyway. Sometimes I'm not logged in and think I'll post later. Sometimes I think who am I to even make a comment when I don't even fix myself.