SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

HUFI-PUFI posted 3/13/2014 09:31 AM

bionicgal - Seems like there are more questions here (in the BS Questions for WS's thread in the I can Relate forum) than Waywards these days, but I'd like to ask one.

I understand that we (Waywards in general) have our own struggles to deal with and I also understand that we have commitments to family, friends and our communities to deal with.

But the BS's that post questions in the above-mentioned thread also have struggles and needs and one of them is getting answers to questions that they post.

The more Waywards that are answering, the better, as it will mean more and different perspectives on the questions. Your unique and individual thoughts and ideas may provide a struggling BS with answers that can provide a greater understanding of the why and how.

Right now, we seem to be hitting a dry-spell of volunteers and so, I am asking and encouraging others to take some time to visit and perhaps answer a question or two.

On behalf of the BS community, I can assure you that "paying it forward" by giving of your time and wisdom will be greatly appreciated.

HUFI

StillStanding1 posted 3/13/2014 09:37 AM

God bless you, HUFI. You are awesome. Your wisdom is always much appreciated.

spond posted 3/13/2014 09:56 AM

The more Waywards that are answering, the better, as it will mean more and different perspectives on the questions. Your unique and individual thoughts and ideas may provide a struggling BS with answers that can provide a greater understanding of the why and how.

And it might give insight into other waywards in general, as they read replies to the questions. Things that you might not have considered.

Prayingforhope posted 3/13/2014 10:12 AM

Thanks for raising this Hufi. I don't even think I know this existed (that reminds me, SI needs an owners manual...) I'll head over there later today and see what I can respond to.

Since I can't talk to my BS, I might as well help someone else!

wheredoigo posted 3/13/2014 11:53 AM

I'm still somewhat new here and still trying to find my way around. Is there a direct link to that board?

Sparkle0504 posted 3/13/2014 11:59 AM

Thank you Hufi

Jrazz posted 3/13/2014 12:00 PM

Thanks Hufi.

I wanted to make a small mention that as a member who has posted in there, having a former wayward who was a little farther along in their healing respond to me went a long way to helping me with new perspective.

As with all the advice we give in here, being able to temper honest responses with compassion is critical.

I'm really proud of all the former waywards here who are committed to healing and willing to stick around to help others. Thanks to all.

[This message edited by Jrazz at 12:04 PM, March 13th (Thursday)]

Merida posted 3/13/2014 12:13 PM

yes!!! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE waywards share your thoughts and perspectives as I am definitely one to know I heal better when I have answers (even if I don't like the answer, at least I have it!) than I have silence and the infamous "I don't know"

As H and I work on R know you are effectively helping both of us

authenticnow posted 3/13/2014 12:30 PM

Wheredoigo, It's in the I Can Relate forum. The thread is "BS Questions for WSs".

Darkness Falls posted 3/13/2014 17:44 PM

Thanks for raising awareness of this issue, Hufi.

While I have gotten quite behind in posting answers, there are also many questions that may not apply to certain WSs situations or involve questions about things some of us may not have experienced---difficulties in early R after D-day, for example in my case, among other things.

I know a lot of us like to help however we can where applicable.

knightsbff posted 3/13/2014 22:16 PM

I have peeked in there many times then tip toed out afraid Ito answer because I didn't have anything profound or wise to say. I answered a few today after seeing your post.

I promise to do better.

Wayflost posted 3/14/2014 10:49 AM

I'm with knightsbff - I don't believe I have anything enlightened to say. But there is also a part of me that feels the answers I might give there are the exclusive property of my own BH.They are my answers, but they belong to him. If that makes any sense.

NoGoodUsername posted 3/14/2014 11:13 AM

I have to be very careful about answering questions in there. Part of my broken behavior pre-A was tied up in being smart, wise and knowing the way in things. It made me feel important and special but I was really getting an ego boost and social position. Now, even when I feel like I have a grip on something, I am very hesitant to jump in like that.

Also, the lever of 'rights and responsibilities' has been used successfully against me for decades to make me someone else's tool. I need to tread carefully.

HUFI-PUFI posted 3/14/2014 11:22 AM

Thanks everyone for the overwhelming response to my plea.

Yes, it is a bit intimidating to answer some of the posts. And its very understandable that you may feel that your reply is not profound enough or wise enough or enlightened enough but in fact, it doesn't have to be. If you are only a month out, then you are a month further than someone else. Sometimes wisdom doesn't come only with time, sometimes wisdom is what we do with the time we are granted.

Everyone knows that we aren't trained and experienced counselors. We're not trained and professional mental health expects with Masters and PhD's in clinical psychology.

We come as lay people, sharing our own experiences and viewpoints. It's up to the BS to determine what applies and what is meant to be left behind. All we can do is share our story. Sometimes that is enough.

I think that at times, just listening is enough. And I think that even if the only thing you can offer is a ((virtual hug)), the BS community appreciates it no less than anything else.

HUFI