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norabird posted 3/13/2014 11:33 AM

I had an old ex (we dated for two months years ago) resurface recently on facebook after my breakup, interacting with me in a way that let me know I was on his mind. I've been expecting to hear something more direct from him and what do you know, an email appeared yesterday asking if I might want to rekindle something since he thinks I'm "an amazing woman."

He was an absolute gentleman and great guy but we had absolutely terrible chemistry when we dated. I wrote back to say that it was nice to hear from him but I'm a mess from a recent break-up (true), however I'd be happy to just hang out as friends if he was interested in that. I do wish I could feel more for him but doubt there would be more chemistry this time--it was just not there at all the first go around.

No real point to this post, just over-sharing per my usual. It was nice to remember that there are good guys out there in the world and that they can be interested in me, I will say! It also made me think with annoyance of the people my ex may be reconnecting with now (in much less healthy ways I'm sure). Trying to remember that is not my concern anymore and all I can do is try to live a good life myself, with honor and integrity; if I can hold my head up high, who cares what destructive behavior he's probably engaging in? Doubt it can bring him the unsullied happiness I get from this type of email, where I'm not trying to use the person reaching out to me, or manipulating them to get something for myself. Plus I know that my being an 'amazing woman' is true while whatever front my ex puts forward is a rotten lie!

devistatedmom posted 3/14/2014 09:50 AM

It's nice to hear we are great, even if it can't lead to a romantic relationship. I do wish sometimes I could "make" chemistry happen!

norabird posted 3/28/2014 15:19 PM

Catching up over dinner was great. the next day he wrote to say:

I had an excellent time last night. I know you're sidelined insofar as dating is concerned, but I don't want to pretend as though I am not attracted to you. That's less pleading than it might seem and more in the service of laying my cards on the table. If that feeling is not mutual, c'est la vie, I'm just in favor of making things plain.

I had to reply that I didn't think our chemistry had been right in the past and wasn't sure it was fixable, but that I liked his company and saying I understood if our hanging out sometimes was going to be off the table for our misalignment. He wrote back very kindly to agree we might be damned/cursed in that regard but that he did still want to be friends.

I wish we could be more, but I'm happy if we can still have occasional contact with no expectations of anything beyond friendship. But most of all...it set a standard for how I think a man should act that I'm going to try and remember. Honest, upfront; they're really out there. So no settling!