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Focusing on the Positives

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Neveragain1221 posted 3/13/2014 11:47 AM

These last two months have been a whirlwind. Of the bad sort. However, when I sat down yesterday and combed through everything, I realized that not everything about this experience has been negative. I've decided to chronicle my positives:

-This experience has brought me back to my faith. I was raised Christian in a dynamic, non-denominational church. When I was a kid, I didn't like going. The church was several cities away from where we lived. Most of the other kids there all went to school together. My younger sister and I were "outsiders" and as such did not make friends among our peers. That made it tough to like going, but the message was always good. As an adult though, I turned away from my morals and faith. Among my group of friends, it wasn't "cool" to have faith. It was easier for me to simply stop living like a Christian than to endure their ridicule and taunts. Because of that, I believe it was that much easier to abandon my morals all together and begin my A.
This experience returned me to my faith. I've tried out a few churches in my area, and I finally found a good fit last night. It was a smaller, non-denominational church in my area. The message last night was called "Do it: Accelerating your God Given Destiny." I thought it was very appropriate.

-I have adopted a "Yes" mentality. Looking back over my adult years, I have always had an "I don't know" mentality. I never committed to anything that could make my life difficult or result in an inconvenience. Even things like committing to go to dinner with friends, I wouldn't make the choice until last minute for fear I'd be too tired after work, or not feel like going anywhere. I bought deals off of Amazon Local for fitness classes I wanted to take or activities that sounded fun, and never redeemed them even though I had opportunities. I realized I wasn't really living. That realization made me want to change myself. I made my first real big decision; I decided to go on a 6-day vacation to the US Virgin Islands in May with my mother and sister. Regardless of if my BS decides to R or D or do nothing for the moment, I am still taking this vacation.

-I have decided to invest some money. My sister and I are splitting a decent-sized inheritance from my grandmothers estate. I have decided to split it up. Iím putting a chunk in a money market account and a chunk in stocks. Iím using a bit of if for my vacation. Part of it is going to pay down some of my student loans and do some repairs around the house, and the rest is going in a savings account.

-I have lost weight. I realize it probably wasnít the healthiest way to lose it. Stress affects me very physically. I havenít been able to eat more than a few bites at a time for two months, and when I do force myself to eat a full meal, I usually throw it up or pass it in other *icky* ways within 30 minutes. But Iím counting my blessings. Iíve been trying to lose these last 20lbs for a few years, and Iíve finally done it. I was 158lbs when this all started, and Iím now 141lbs and dropping. My goal weight has always been 130-135lbs, so being almost there is a huge thing for me. My BS has been going out with friends almost every night, so Iím going to start taking that time to hit the gym and build up some bikini muscles before my tropical vacation.

-I have built strong, new boundaries that apply to myself as well as my M. In the past, I was always a very flirtatious person. I really relied on external validation from other people for my own self-worth. While I only had 1 AP, I flirted more than I should have with others. It never went far, and I shut down the two men who tried to take it beyond friendly, but I still shouldnít have done it in the first place.

-I have cleaned house and gotten rid of the friends that werenít really friends. My life is much more peaceful without their drama and negativity.

So all in all, while this situation sucks more than anything Iíve ever gone through, looking at the positives has really brought me a sense of peace and shown me that, whatever comes, Iíll be a better person for it.

[This message edited by Neveragain1221 at 12:07 PM, March 13th (Thursday)]

Wayflost posted 3/13/2014 12:39 PM

This is a great list! Thank you for sharing. I too get sucked down the shame spiral and have a difficult time seeing the good things. Sometimes, I am only able to see that I am lucky to still be in the house. Other days all I see is that my BH still tells me he loves me.

Then there are days like today. Today I am overwhelmed with positive feelings for/about my BH. While I would never choose this path in retrospect, I am trying to remember that if I do the hard work I will come out of this a better person.

Reading your list of positives helps with that as well. So again, thank you for sharing!

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