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Week of my baby's birthday

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JBPEZ28 posted 3/13/2014 13:31 PM

Found out a week before my only child's 1st birthday that my husband was having an emotional affair with his ex fiancé who has been harassing me on and off for the past 7 years! She even made fun of me after we lost two children (1-miscarriage 2-ectopic pregnancy) I put on a brave face for his party. My husband told me he'd stop talking to her. A month later I was still feeling off about us and came apon an email address I didn't know my husband had, & after some digging found 2 more emotional affairs he's been having. Since October!!! One he was so deep into the he was imagining a life with her! And he was writing her love letters nightly from his tablet while laying in bed next to me! The icing in the top is that I was hit by a car while crossing the street because a woman ran a red light. After that he was still talking to her. ( I checked dates) I am so hurt and so betrayed. I haven't even gone through the surgeries and procedures I've had done to have our son. My body is torn up, and broken. All for our family. My sacrifices caused me to look different. I'm back to my normal size, but I have scarring. I'm embarrassed about it. So sex was done with the lights off. Apparently I was not paying enough attention to my husband. I didn't see it that way. Sex when he wanted, & oral when I couldn't. I'm honoring my vows, because he wants to work through this. He admits he's an idiot. But how do I get through this? I'm so anxious. So hurt. So confused.

Skan posted 3/13/2014 13:47 PM

Hello there, JBPEZ28. Welcome. I'm so very sorry that you have the reason to come find us, but I'm so pleased that you DID find us for support.

Please start by reading The Healing Library. It's in the upper left of your screen in a yellow box. Please also look in the first 3 pages of this forum for any post that has a red "target" next to the title and read the 1st page. These are all written by people who have BTDT. You'll find a lot of good advice.

Realize that your first and only responsibility right now is to take care of yourself so that you can take care of that precious baby. You have no other responsibilities. Infidelity causes it's own trauma, and on top of the trauma that you already have experienced, I'm surprised that you can summon enough energy to type! Rest as much as you can, eat what you can and if you can't eat because you keep throwing up, get whole nutrition drinks and sip them. Stay hydrated. A lot of people forget these simple things after betrayal. And you must stay as healthy as you can for your baby's sake.

Others will be along to support you. Keep writing to us for support and to vent. We'll be here for you. Please do try to realize this. No matter what your WH (wayward husband) says, YOU did not cause him to have EAs or PAs. He chose to. He had other choices, but he decided to go ahead and betray you. And only a very sick, very broken jackass, would keep communicating with someone who celebrated the loss of two children. I have no words to express the rage that I feel towards him, for your sake. (((hugs)))

norabird posted 3/13/2014 14:33 PM

I am so so sorry you are having to deal with this. Know that it is NOT about some failure on your part. Your WH (wayward husband) is the one with no boundaries and a very flawed sense of integrity. Just when you needed his support and love the most, he started directing it elsewhere because of his own selfishness. It's not about how you look, or how much attention you gave him, and don't let him for one second blame you for HIS poor choices. You did not deserve this.

JBPEZ28 posted 3/13/2014 17:57 PM

Thank you for your kinds words.

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