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whiteflower99 (original poster member #13937) posted at 9:48 PM on Thursday, March 13th, 2014
And I hate it.
I honestly thought I would feel stronger, kwim? I felt stronger in September when his latest affair was brought to light. I felt like I would be ok, like no matter what the universe had my back and was helping me.
Now I'm terrified. Nothing makes sense and it is more than I want to do to just get out of bed. I'm second and third guessing everything and despite the support from my family I feel so alone.
I guess I just want a hug, just to feel better or at least not so overwhelmed.
I had the reality of my husband's affairs brought home to me over the weekend so maybe that's contributing to my mood. I mean, I knew they were real, hell, I documented all of them. But they were real in an abstract kind of way, kind of how I know the planet Jupiter is real but it isn't all up in my face....
At any rate, I'm sure it will get better, right? Or does it just continue on like this?
I hate this for all of us.
What are you pretending not to know?
me FBS
him idiotic sex addicted, hormone addled, porn watching, post pubescent male with a walking hard on for anything without a penis
4 kids 15 13 12 8
Earned my *F* the hard way.
Simple ( member #18814) posted at 9:50 PM on Thursday, March 13th, 2014
I hug you via the internet. We're here for you.
Just keep posting and working on your healing.
((((whiteflower99))))
There plenty of hugs.
Love is a choice.
True love is harder to come by than soul mates. True love requires work.
Ignorance can be cured with knowledge. There is no cure for being an idiot.
-October 3, 2007
-February 18, 2022
FixYou71 ( member #42654) posted at 3:51 AM on Friday, March 14th, 2014
Sending you a virtual hug. (((whiteflower99)))
BS:44
H: 50
Dday #1 Oct 2007 (Porn for 2 yrs)
Dday #2 May 2013 (Porn for 5 more yrs))
Dday#3 May 2014 (finally admitted to drunk kissing OW in 1994: the 2nd drunken kiss with another woman during our M)
DD 22 and DS 18
Married 1993
norabird ( member #42092) posted at 3:23 PM on Friday, March 14th, 2014
You will feel stronger again...but no one can be strong all of the time. And I think being sad and down has a purpose too, it's part of processing what happened. Without feeling the sadness you won't be able to fully move on. You know? It's hard when you're stuck in a painful place and just want your old self to come back, but it will once the roller coaster takes a turn. Just hang on til then and let yourself feel whatever you need to.
Your faith in your being ok and the universe having your back is still warranted. Those things are still true. Give yourself permission to be upset while remembering that it WILL get better.
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