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Newest Member: Dilbert (46033)

User Topic: my story
zulay44
♀ 42772
Member # 42772
Default  Posted: 5:40 PM, March 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have been reading on this forum for at least three months now and it’s been so helpful. I have learned so much from all of your stories and advice. All of you are amazing. Thank you so much in advance. So I’m ready to tell my story. D-day, Sept 2013, WS 39yrs old, Me 50yrs old, but I look way younger. We are not married but we were living like we were, had a 3 years relationship. I was staying with him 5 days of the week and spent 2 days with my adult children at another city. I found out on FB that my WS was private messaging with an old girlfriend all throughout our relationship. According to all the conversation on FB, they were having dates and slept together on our own bed when I would go visit my kids. I kept quiet for few weeks to keep gathering more info I could find and checked his cell when he was in the shower and also found out he was going out with another woman that he later told me he met at a restaurant. When I could not hold it any longer, I finally one day waited for him to be at work, packed my belongings, left him a note on the bed and left, to go live with my kids where I used to live before I met my WS. I was cheated on with my previous relationship as well, and on this one, did not want to go through the hell I knew I was going to go through and be living with him in the same house. That is why I left. Plus I was convinced, there was no way I was going to give him a second chance. He denies that he ever slept or even kissed any of these women & still denies to this day. He said that the conversation on FB with his old friend was just a nasty conversation and nothing ever happened and that he never went out with the girl from the restaurant. But text mgs, and FB conversation very clear says he did. Almost three weeks after I left WS,he tells me that since I would not give him a second chance, he decided to go on with his life and was starting to date this other girl that is not even the woman on FB or the one he met at restaurant. She is one of his clients, a 23yrs old woman, (WS is a legal assistant). I have been so devastated, so hurt, have my good and bad days, However, I am a very strong woman and have been able to keep the strength I need to deal with this horrible situation. Even though WS is on this relationship with this girl, he still kept emailing and texting me from time to time. Until two weeks ago, when I asked him to stop the communication once and for all because I needed to get over this and start to heal,so he stopped, promising not to bother me anymore. Now,just last week he sent me a text begging me to please at least for the last time, he needed to see me and talk because he had this dream he wants to talk about and that I was going to be surprised to hear what he was going to say. Well, I agreed to see him, so he is telling me now that he is not happy with this girl, that he miss me and realized how so much happy he was with me and what a good woman I am, etc…That if I decide to go back with him, and give him a second chance, he will leave this girl and even marry me. I still love this man so much but lost complete trust on him and don’t want to get hurt or waste my time again. He admits not been happy with her, but yet, still in that relationship. Please, any advice?


Me-50
WBF-39
Dday- 10/2013
Left him since Dday.
"Better happy alone, than unhappy with somebody else"

Posts: 22 | Registered: Mar 2014
yme32313
♀ 42091
Member # 42091
Default  Posted: 5:57 PM, March 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He's still in the relationship? I don't see why guys say they aren't happy but don't leave. He's not married to her.
Do you believe he can change and wouldn't do this to you again?
Do you believe if you get married you won't be betrayed?
I know you still love him, you've been through many things with him but do you honestly feel he can change?


Me: 31
H: 55
Dated: Aug. 2003 M: Mar. 2013
Cheated: While dating

Posts: 205 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: New Mexico
5454real
♂ 37455
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 6:03 PM, March 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Please, run. Having been hurt before, don't let this guy back into your heart. He is a player. Sounds like he's pretty proficient at it too. Protect yourself.

What he is doing, besides outright lying, is called *gaslighting*.

According to all the conversation on FB, they were having dates and slept together on our own bed when I would go visit my kids

checked his cell when he was in the shower and also found out he was going out with another woman

You have the evidence, yet he tries to convince you it's not real.

Almost three weeks after I left WS,he tells me that since I would not give him a second chance, he decided to go on with his life and was starting to date this other girl

Wow, not even three weeks later and he's dating again? How many flowers, how many texts, how much begging, pleading and snot bubbling apologies did he give in that extraordinarily long timeframe? However, he had the time to find someone else to date.
he is telling me now that he is not happy with this girl, that he miss me and realized how so much happy he was with me and what a good woman I am, etc…That if I decide to go back with him, and give him a second chance, he will leave this girl and even marry me

Really, what an arrogant ass. What do you think his excuse to girl number three would be? *Well, I cheated on you to be with zulay who is the love of my life who I cheated on with girls 1 & 2 because, well just because* It's hard to keep up with this arrogant ass.

Please, please you are worth so much more than him. A guy like that needs to catch some incurable disease by cheating with other women cause he thinks he's all that. Oh, wait, he's on that path already. Please don't join him.

Read the healing library located in the upper left hand corner. Please see a doctor, I'm not kidding, get tested for STD's. A guy like that(I've known a few
) thinks the sun rises on his penis and sets on his ass. He is special. Condoms not required.

Please, please if you need to talk, come here. We will be right by your side to help you get through this.


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 21(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 3306 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
zulay44
♀ 42772
Member # 42772
Default  Posted: 8:57 PM, March 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks so much for your replies.

yme32313, I truly believe that he will never change and that even If I decided to give him a second chance and marry him, eventually he will cheat on me again and will be smarter at hiding evidence.

5454real, Thank you for your reply. The fact that he started dating a third girl so quick made me realized that either, he was already dating her while still with me or planning to.
As soon as I broke up with him, I went to the doctor and got tested for STD's. Unfortunately, I came up with two STD's, not life threatening thanks God, but one of them, I have to live with, for the rest of my life. I immediately call him and let him know and asked him to get tested. He said he will do, and when I asked him for results, he said he haven't have the chance to go, what makes me believe that he does have the results and does not want to show me.
Last time he sent me an email, I asked him for the second time to stop communicating with me and to let me live my life without him.
I do miss him so much and I thought that he was the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with. But I know that I will never trust him again and rather be by myself.


Me-50
WBF-39
Dday- 10/2013
Left him since Dday.
"Better happy alone, than unhappy with somebody else"

Posts: 22 | Registered: Mar 2014
yme32313
♀ 42091
Member # 42091
Default  Posted: 9:07 PM, March 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you believe he won't change or willing to. I'd leave!!


Me: 31
H: 55
Dated: Aug. 2003 M: Mar. 2013
Cheated: While dating

Posts: 205 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: New Mexico
5454real
♂ 37455
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 9:18 PM, March 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

he said he haven't have the chance to go

I believe that he hasn't gone. I don't believe that he will. That would interfere with his version of the world.

I will never trust him again

Good, you should not trust him without drastic changes that would take years to implement with intensive 1 on 1 therapy.

Strength

BTW There's another forum called divorce and separation here. There's a lot of good people there that will have some good wisdom for you too.(I'm down there also, but that's residual from my D from my 1st WW.)



BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 21(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 3306 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Skan
♀ 35812
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 4:58 PM, March 14th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome. I'm glad that you decided to come out and talk with us, so we can give you support. I'm assuming since you've been reading the forums for 3 months, that you've found The Healing Library and have read the articles marked with red "targets" on this forum. If not, please do.

I applaud your good sense to have left and resumed your life near your children. As painful as that was, you've shortened your time of being in agony by taking healthy steps towards your future.

So, in short, WBF, having screwed around with GF#3 (that you know of) who was Oh So Conveniently found mere weeks after you left him "heartbroken," now has had a change of heart and is willing to provide you with a Bright New Shiny Ring if only you'll ignore the fact that he is lying to you about GF#1 and GF#2, has managed to give you two STDs, one of which you will live with for the rest of your life, and utterly refuses to admit that HE put your health at risk by shoving his dick into anything that would hold still long enough for him to do so. Do I have that right?

Thank god that you aren't married to this delusional ass and you can just walk away. I would suggest telling him that you no longer want to hear from him about anything and that if he continues to try to contact you, you will go to the PD and see about getting an RO for harassment. And continue to enjoy your adult children. Frankly a dog would show more loyalty than this loser that you've wasted 3 years on, that you'll never get back.

Keep coming back for support and to vent. And I would second going to the Separation and Divorce forum as well. They are a great bunch of people too!


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 5236 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
zulay44
♀ 42772
Member # 42772
Default  Posted: 5:10 PM, March 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Skan, thanks for your reply. I have been reading the Healing Library and it has been of a lot of help.
I feel so much better been far away from WBF. I know that that will help me to heal much faster. I still don't know how long healing will take, since some days I feel like D-day just happened yesterday, but I will get there sometime.
It's been 5 months since the D-day and I wake up every morning thinking about him and just asking, how could he do this to me. I really never knew the real person he was. I don't even know if I will ever have the confidence to date again.
I will definitely check the Separation and Divorce forum, thanks for the advice.


Me-50
WBF-39
Dday- 10/2013
Left him since Dday.
"Better happy alone, than unhappy with somebody else"

Posts: 22 | Registered: Mar 2014
Topic Posts: 8

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