My story is not yours, but yesterday I wrote in my journal about a friend who went through exactly what you are. OW had a baby and my friend took that child into her home and loved it like it was her own.
I have the upmost respect for your feelings. You are responding like a hero. My best to you, and I know you will find the right thing to do. Someday I will post my friends story (as best I can). But for now, I commend you for writing your own. Stay strong and know that we are with you.
Listen. What I have to say to you may, to you, sound very strange, but hear me out.
Continue with the divorce. Divorce him as quickly as possible. Establish YOUR child's right to child support and get it done legally. Split your assets and get your 1/2 in your name and get Spousal Support as well. Talk to your lawyer about this. Make sure that YOU and your baby are taken care of first.
You can always decide down the line if you want to simply live together, re-marry, or go your own separate ways. But right now, I would think very strategically with your mind and not your heart, and make sure that you and your baby are taken care of first, before the OC arrives, paternity is established, and your WH becomes eligible for child support.
Also, in the I Can Relate forum, there is a thread for people who have OC in their lives. It might be well worth your while to go there and talk to some of those people and bounce questions off of them. (((hugs)))
D-Day, June 10, 2012
Good luck to you.