SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

toasted22 posted 3/14/2014 04:49 AM

A while ago I found a link on SI for an article by Frank Pittman. I have his book 'Private Lies' but this was another article.

Can anyone help me with this?

Neverwudaguessed posted 3/14/2014 07:50 AM

I just did a search on the web: is this it??
http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200910/beyond-betrayal-life-after-infidelity

toasted22 posted 3/14/2014 19:34 PM

thanks I think it could be

bionicgal posted 3/14/2014 19:43 PM

This part was so spot on for my H:

About the only people more dangerous than philandering men going through life with an open fly and romantic damsels going through life in perennial distress, are emotionally retarded men in love. When such men go through a difficult transition in life, they hunker down and ignore all emotions. Their brain chemistry gets depressed, but they don't know how to feel it as depression. Their loved ones try to keep from bothering them, try to keep things calm and serene and isolate them further.

An emotionally retarded man may go for a time without feeling pleasure, pain, or anything else, until a strange woman jerks him back into awareness of something intense enough for him to feel it—perhaps sexual fireworks, or the boyish heroics of rescuing her, or perhaps just fascination with her constantly changing moods and never-ending emotional crises.

With her, he can pull out of his depression briefly, but he sinks back even deeper into it when he is not with her. He is getting addicted to her, but he doesn't know that. He only feels the absence of joy and love and life with his serenely cautious wife and kids, and the awareness of life with this new woman. It doesn't work for him to leave home to be with her, as she too would grow stale and irritating if she were around full time.

What he needs is not a crazier woman to sacrifice his life for, but treatment for his depression. However, since the best home remedies for depression are sex, exercise, joy, and triumph, the dangerous damsel may be providing one or more of them in a big enough dose to make him feel a lot better. He may feel pretty good until he gets the bill, and sees how much of his life and the lives of his loved ones this treatment is costing.

Neverwudaguessed posted 3/15/2014 09:39 AM

Bionicgal; after finding this article yesterday, that is the exact part of it I copied and sent to my Husband! So sad to me that there are "profiles' which so easily can predict who is at risk for cheating that they can be generalized in an article and that these profiles are so common that they can speak to so many. It just reinforces the fact that things could have so easily been different had the Wayward gotten help BEFORE the affair. Struggling, struggling today to accept. Yet I suppose there is a slight "comfort" in knowing that my situation is not SO out of the ordinary….

womaninflux posted 3/15/2014 13:57 PM

Bionic - same here. Although I notice that it the affair "types" often have some overlap with one another. I KNOW my SAWH is emotionally immature. That was part of the problem all along in our marriage.