That it was a mistake that only started 2 months ago.
First and foremost, whatever else, this wasn't a mistake. A mistake is putting a tablespoon of salt in when the recipe called for a teaspoon. This was a choice on his part. He didn't trip and fall in. He has to own that.
Welcome to the best bunch of people you had never hoped to meet. Please, keep posting. Check out the healing library in the upper left hand corner, there's a ton of great reference material in there.
You will survive this. We can help.
I'm very sorry to *meet* you, but oh so glad you made it.
Get tested for STDs. All of them.
Take care of yourself (eat, sleep, drink water) and your kids.
IC for you-you gotta get it out
Take care of yourself.
Angry?-Go running, workout, lift weights, shovel snow, plant a garden, go swimming, go for a long walk. Burn the rage up, don't allow yourself to be consumed and controlled by it.
The "why" is his shit. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!! Repeat this.
The Healing Library, in the yellow box upper left hand corner of this page. Read. Read alot.
Good stuff here: http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=235051
Unfortunately, this is the beginning, and it sucks. It may get worse, but it will eventually get better. I am almost 6 months past dday and I'm ok. There are lots of folks here who will help. You don't need to make any decision now or next week or next month. Take time to think and make the best decision for you!
Others will post, hang in there!
[This message edited by Michman at 9:47 AM, March 14th (Friday)]
Did he confess or did you discover what happened yourself? It may go back further than two months, often cheaters minimize the truth when found out. Just be prepared to learn more. And as for the phone, it better not be password protected anymore! You also need email access--total transparency. Use a key logger on the computer if you must (don't tell him).
Norabird is so right-- you can't forgive him before you know if you can trust him, and you can't trust him before you know if you really KNOW him. (Right now, you don't!)
The panic attacks are horrible-- but they WILL pass as you stabilize yourself. As Michman noted, the Healing Library works!
If you have a true, trustworthy friend or family member near, I hope you can reach out to them for the consolation you absolutely need right now. DON'T let your husband be that person-- he's already proven unworthy of that privilege.
"I just want to know why and I know thats not ever going to happen because he says he doesn't know that himself."
The details of the affair, whenever he gives them, are far less important than his point-of-view about their meaning. The sad truth is that he's not likely in a hurry to admit to you (or himself) how horribly he's treated you and how unworthy he's proven of your love and trust. Until he can say this, and really MEAN it, he's not a man you should consider trusting or forgiving.
Hang in there, and keep sharing with the great gang at SI. You'll get better advice here FOR FREE than you would from a marriage counselor sharing $100 a session!
“No, Lord,” she said.
And Jesus said, “Neither do I. Go and sin no more.”