SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

Virginiagirl posted 3/14/2014 10:35 AM

This weekend is a big annual event that WH has had for 11 years now. All these years it has been a big part of my life, I've been involved and all kinds of great old friends come in from all over the world to catch up and hang out.

I've been mostly trying to block it out and keep on truckin' doing my own thing, but now it's hitting me. I guess that's to be expected.

WH has invited me to come down, see people, etc. I can't do it. I am afraid I will get emotional. I'd feel like I was saying good-bye. Not that I think anyone would pick sides, but they are his professional peers, so really I am not going to be seeing them anymore. They are all part of the life I have lost now.

I can only hope that people are asking about me, thinking about me, missing me. I hope HE is realizing how important I was to him during these events other years. How I was such a part of his image. I know that line of thought does no good but it does soothe me to think that my absence is noted. I feel so sad and left out, even though it is my decision to stay away.

Williesmom posted 3/14/2014 10:56 AM

((Virginia))

I'm sorry. Infidelity is so selfish in so many ways.

lost4now posted 3/14/2014 11:00 AM

Hugs to you!!! So sorry you are experiencing this. I have felt this way before and I know what you are going through.

It will hurt a bit and Monday won't seem like it arrives quick enough but you will get past it. Try to stay busy as best you can. Also, being with other friends or family members will keep you engaged in other activities or conversations where you will have to participate and that will help keep you focused on the events surrounding you at the time. I find that alone time just makes it more difficult.

I am sure that these people will ask about your whereabouts especially since they are used to seeing you. I am certain they will miss you as well!!!

HUGS!

grownapair posted 3/14/2014 11:16 AM

Try and stay busy and do something nice for yourself. Sending extra strength to you...Monday will be here soon.

cayc posted 3/14/2014 11:18 AM

(((virginiagirl)))

Virginiagirl posted 3/14/2014 11:31 AM

Thanks everyone. Your responses mean so much.

Its hard cuz all my friends in town are part of the "community" too so thier weekend is full with exactly what I'm missing out on.

I'll keep slugging through. Feel better already after your feedback. And I do KNOW (in my head, even if my heart hurts right now) that he is feeling my absence. And that helps give me strength to not buckle and go visit and act like we are hunky-dory friends now, that would ease his concience

one2ndchance posted 3/14/2014 11:34 AM

You've been to all 11 of these events. I can guarantee you will be missed.

My STBXWH has something similar we did for years. Last year I didn't go. A mutual friend told me he spent the entire evening explaining to people why I wasn't there...that we were divorcing. Awkward night for him.

Virginiagirl posted 3/14/2014 11:47 AM

I know its mean but I hope my WH has the same awkward moments.
Another thing that sets my mind at ease a little is that a lot of my friends who know the real story will be there. So he won't be able to get away with a sugar coated version of why I am gone. None of this "We had been growing apart and we get along so much better now" bullshit. No, we broke up because you were a LYING CHEATING sack of shit!
I like that I can hang back and take the high road but the rumor mill will do my dirty work for me.

momentintime posted 3/14/2014 16:35 PM

Oh he will take the easy way out, he'll say you have the flu!

norabird posted 3/15/2014 11:09 AM

Three cheers to that rumor mill! I'm sure you are sorely missed.

Virginiagirl posted 3/16/2014 12:06 PM

Well I ended up going down to the even yesterday. I took some Xanax (god bless xanax!) first in case emotions started bubbling up but I felt mostly ok. Couple awkward conversations, but that's all.

One friend told me how he confided in her that it was "weird" this year. Then someone else gave him some photos from the first year, pics of us with our 2 kids (aww, so little!) cuddling together. I don't know if it was a purposeful jab (the person isn't a friend of mine, but is a nosey gossipy type) but it really got to him. He had tears in his eyes showing them to me.
Good.
Oh, and the area that I usually run is apparently a flop this year. Cuz he always assumed it was so simple and easy, so no one prepared at all. Ha. Good again.