I've been mostly trying to block it out and keep on truckin' doing my own thing, but now it's hitting me. I guess that's to be expected.
WH has invited me to come down, see people, etc. I can't do it. I am afraid I will get emotional. I'd feel like I was saying good-bye. Not that I think anyone would pick sides, but they are his professional peers, so really I am not going to be seeing them anymore. They are all part of the life I have lost now.
I can only hope that people are asking about me, thinking about me, missing me. I hope HE is realizing how important I was to him during these events other years. How I was such a part of his image. I know that line of thought does no good but it does soothe me to think that my absence is noted. I feel so sad and left out, even though it is my decision to stay away.
I'm sorry. Infidelity is so selfish in so many ways.
It will hurt a bit and Monday won't seem like it arrives quick enough but you will get past it. Try to stay busy as best you can. Also, being with other friends or family members will keep you engaged in other activities or conversations where you will have to participate and that will help keep you focused on the events surrounding you at the time. I find that alone time just makes it more difficult.
I am sure that these people will ask about your whereabouts especially since they are used to seeing you. I am certain they will miss you as well!!!
HUGS!
Its hard cuz all my friends in town are part of the "community" too so thier weekend is full with exactly what I'm missing out on.
I'll keep slugging through. Feel better already after your feedback. And I do KNOW (in my head, even if my heart hurts right now) that he is feeling my absence. And that helps give me strength to not buckle and go visit and act like we are hunky-dory friends now, that would ease his concience
My STBXWH has something similar we did for years. Last year I didn't go. A mutual friend told me he spent the entire evening explaining to people why I wasn't there...that we were divorcing. Awkward night for him.
It's hard to see the road ahead if you're always looking in the rear view mirror.
"Global editing disclaimer - I edit almost everything I post, and I am not going to post why every time."...re: Bionical girl
One friend told me how he confided in her that it was "weird" this year. Then someone else gave him some photos from the first year, pics of us with our 2 kids (aww, so little!) cuddling together. I don't know if it was a purposeful jab (the person isn't a friend of mine, but is a nosey gossipy type) but it really got to him. He had tears in his eyes showing them to me. Good. Oh, and the area that I usually run is apparently a flop this year. Cuz he always assumed it was so simple and easy, so no one prepared at all. Ha. Good again.
