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A vent about trusting him!!

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julesinpain posted 3/14/2014 11:16 AM

My husband takes our son to school by 6:30 am most mornings. This morning was no different, except he brushed his teeth and fixed his hair before he left. He has never once brushed his teeth or fixed his hair before taking him. School is five minutes away. Then he calls me from the school and says he is heading to his shop right then. I asked why he did not mention it before he left. Said he has to get blah blah blah from the shop, and he wants to miss the traffic and he will be back. Makes complete sense, as traffic would be worse in an hour. But my crazy BS mind never thinks like that anymore!!

Okay, so he also never goes anywhere without his coffee first, so running through my mind is that he is meeting someone for coffee or breakfast. My head goes on and on, over playing what he said to me, how he said it and so on.

I told him I was feeling uneasy about the way he did this, and that I thought it was strange that this time he brushed his teeth and did his hair, like he already knew he would just be going. He was there and back to the shop in about 45 minutes. He took pictures for me when he got there and a picture when he left.

I guess I am just sad the way my mind thinks these days. Any movement he makes still to this day out of the normal, gets my mind spinning and wondering what he is up to. I get so angry that I am living my life freaking out even over small things like this!! Drives me crazy!!! I just want my trust that I once had for him to come back!! I am so tired of living my life not being able to just take his word for anything!

Thanks for reading, I am just venting about how much my life has changed after the affair and how crazy my head works now!! I question everything!!!

tushnurse posted 3/14/2014 11:36 AM

jules don't feel crazy, don't be mad at yourself.

It takes a long damn time for that stuff to come back. I was a spying nut for over 2 years, each time I didn't find something it made me trust a tiny bit more, until I got to the point where I was strong enough to believe that I would know if he was up to no good, and that I would be ok if he did cheat again.

If you are sensing in your gut that something is up, then pay attention to it. It was out of his routine, and you called him out on it. He was happy to send pics and reassure. Great.
(NOW I'm playing devils advocate) Any chance he had plans that changed because you called him out on it? What if his car had GPS on it, that you could track what he said he was doing. It's a fine balance with the checking/spying, and the actual confrontations.

(((and strength))))

DragonBunker posted 3/14/2014 13:11 PM

They wreck everything don't they? Everything needs analysing, even the tone of their voice or whether we feel they avoided a question or if they didn't eat....did they already eat? He didn't finish his coffee- was he thinking of her and forgot? And his phone made a sound- who is it?? What do they want??

I hated that and I still struggle with it from time to time with my new and faithful partner. If I feel down about myself, I feel these emotions. Sad. I feel like there's a broken switch in me somewhere.

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